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he stood in front of her, his back against his car, one hand in a pocket, the other in his hair
he bites his lip nervously, she looks frightened
"Hey, I'm sorry but I guess I just don't feel the same anymore." he mumbles, apologetically
she folds her arms in front of her, and just whispers 'no' over and over again
he turns away from her, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't brush the stray lock of hair behind her ear
his car door clicks shut behind him, and nothing stirs but leaves as he drives away
she stares after it, shocked, frozen in place, before sinking to the curb underneath the white-blue streetlamp
the hourly train hustles by on its tracks and the murmur of voices is distant
she wraps her cardigan tighter around her middle and only stands after she's sure her stomach is back in her  body and her lungs remember how to breathe
slowly, she walks back inside and the outside continues as it usually does, and she is falling apart inside

she still remembers the way his voice sounded
and how his eyes looked under florescent light
blue grey and sad
I feel young again around these girls,
This constant attention,
Playing the dating game.

Wooing and flirting and wanting,
I feel like I'm eighteen,
Which is convenient because I am.

It feels so nice to have no strings pulled,
I am liberated from concrete
And allowed to be me again.

Watch out ladies,
Here I come.
I can't catch my breath.
Every other minute it just gets deeper, faster.
This is anxiety. This is hell.
The protruding image of destroying myself is circulating
And impeding my actions on Earth.
I can't focus.
I can't breathe.
I can't sleep.
I stood in the cold for twenty minutes just to try.

This isn't fair. I'm sorry.
I'm not okay.
I know it isn't fair.
At the end of the day
at least i tried
i'm more than okay
i gave it a shot
and maybe i missed my target
but what was i aiming for?i forgot
and everything will be alright
i will  let this  go
i will let you go
now it's over
i'm finally done
and it's hard to decide if
my battle was won
but now it's over
it's a little bittersweet
i'll have to find a new path
for my wandering feet.

— The End —