Sometimes i forget how to breathe. Sometimes i don’t, but i want to. Sometimes i feel angry. All the time i feel angry but most of the time there's something else there too. I don’t know why it’s there, what it is, or how to make it go away. I really wish i could just crawl in bed next to my dog. Listen to some 80’s classics, or maybe Isaac will play the guitar for me since I'm sad. Am i sad? I don’t really know. The only thing i know for sure is that something is wrong. I feel lonely but I'm independent. I feel angry but I'm crying. I feel broken, but I'm laughing. I’m like a broken record. I say these things over and over and over again. No one ever listens. At least not anymore. They listened at first then they realized i couldn’t be fixed. Then they threw me out and got the newer model. I don’t blame them. She’s so shiny and perfect. Who wouldn’t want to be around her all the time. I wouldn’t ever love me either. Never ever.

sometimes i really wish i could disappear
though everyone says they would miss me
i really doubt it
i don't know
maybe they would
think of all the things they've ever done wrong
think of which one was the tipping point
when did they cross that line?
i can see it now
the candle light vigils
the peer speeches about how caring and loving i was
the fake tears a shocked conversations
"this didn't have to end the way it did"
"I wish we'd known, we would've helped in any way we could've"
but you do know
you can help
but oh i'm sorry i forgot
it's easier to pretend
than it is to care

[Verse 1]
You will never know what's behind my skull
So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye
You will never know what's under my hair
So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye
You will never know what's under my skin
So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye
You will never know what is in my veins
So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye
[Chorus]
Won't you go to someone else's dreams?
Won't you go to someone else's head?
Haven't you taken enough from me?
Won't you torture someone else's sleep?
[Verse 2]
And you will never know what I'm thinking of
Won't you go to someone else's dreams?
So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye
Won't you go to someone else's head?
And you will never understand what I believe
Haven't you taken enough from me?
So won't you say good night
Won't you torture someone else?
So I can say goodbye?
[Bridge]
Haven't you taken enough from me?
Won't you torture someone else's sleep?
Won't you go to someone else's dreams?
Won't you go to someone else's head?
Haven't you taken enough from me?
Won't you torture someone else's sleep?
[Verse 3]
I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I
Don't know where I should go and the tears and the fears begin to multiply
Taking time in a simple place; in my bed where my head rests on a pillowcase
And it's said that a war's lead but I forget that I let another day go by
I want to be afraid but it seems that these days
I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther
My heart's getting harder, I'm calling my father
Am I screaming to an empty sky?
Empty sky, no way, that's me cause one half of my heart is free
Empty sky, no way, that's me, cause the other half of my heart's asleep

Today I had a taste of poison, not much, but the smallest amount
Small enough to go undetected, large enough to cause problems
From what started as a normal day, to ******* on my bleach laced hands from doing the laundry, taking a sip from mom's glass when she isn't looking
Not enough to do damage, but to feel the acid burn on my tongue
An addiction I would grow to admire, a habit I would grow to despise
A never-ending loop of joy and disappointment, struggle, and celebration
This is my poison, never being sure if I should stay or go, not knowing if I should let go or hold on tighter
An open bottle of bleach threatening to tip over at any moment.
To spill its contents on the unmarked, and make them damaged.
useful to everyone
used by everyone
not a necessity
and certainly not a desire

i don't know what you see in her
that you almost saw in me
i don't know what you want from us
that you think she can be
because i'm tired of second place
never quite a gold
it hurts because i love you
but this game has grown old
though i still have your jacket
the scent is all gone
it's okay if you leave
just tell me what i did wrong

i try to forget that i loved you
either of you
because when i think of it
you are exactly the same
from his soft brown hair
to your hard brown eyes
you both said that you loved me
and i believed you in the same
so I ask one thing of you both
do not tell me that silence is golden
when the music turns off
but i can still hear you singing in my heart
and i can't get you out of my head

Congratulations
You passed the test
Now I know exactly
what move to make next

Stiff and sickened
There I lay
My body numb and
struggling not to tear itself apart from the inside out
My lungs cave with every shredded breath
Dragged through my teeth
My chest fills with smoke and I feel like vomiting
I can't hold the weight
Of any more losses
I fear my soul can't handle the pressure

Hey
It's been a minute since we've talked
I know we just had a conversation
but I mean since we really talked
I know life really ***** right now
and I know that you're scared
trust me I know
but I want you to know that I really care about you
These past couple weeks have been really hard for me
because I've had an epiphany
I think I might love you
Not because of how you look
or how you dress
or even for your humor
though all of those things are astonishing
they aren't as important as this
I thought I loved someone else
and I might
but the more we talk
and the more unstable you grew
with your mom being sick and all
I realized how scared I was to lose you
The more I thought about it
I would lose everyone else
to keep you safe
I know you have a girlfriend
and She loves you so much
so much more than you even know
and you really love her too
I think that's amazing
she's amazing
She's so kind, So beautiful, so encouraging
She's my friend
and I don't want to hurt her
or you
but I think
I might love you too
I know you'll never read this
and I know I could never tell you this
but it helps to get it out
I'm in class right now
I wish I wasn't
I can't focus on my work when I'm worried about you
I want to leave
I want to hold you
Let you cry
Let you talk about your mom
Or even Just let you sit in silence
I want to help
that would help me

His smile is sweet like sipping iced tea in the summer
His skin is warm like your laying in the sun
His voice like honey dripping down the tree
his laugh quiet enough that you have to really listen, but it will shake you to the core.
He's perfect, and everyone knows it.
I haven't said his name, but you're thinking of him aren't you

How is it possible, that she had a tongue softer than velvet
yet at the same time
the same tongue
used to speak the words that stabbed my in the heart
and made me bleed out

I really just want to curl up in your arms and cry
inhale your sweet scent and
bask in the security
but how could I be so foolish
that spot belongs to her
It always has
I try to pry open your hands
and tear her apart
rip her from your grasp
I'm sorry I can't let you be happy

when they say "no one is perfect"
what they mean is
I will make mistakes and expect you not to react
I will hurt
and break
and project
and abuse
and you will forgive me
every
time

i hate the fact that
simultaneously
i hate you and love you
but even though it's said and done
and
i'll never really love you like i did
if ever again
there's a small part of me
that won't let you belong to anyone else
mine
you will always be mine
why can't it just die already

I wonder if you have a playlist dedicated to the way I make you feel
*** oh boy
oh honey
there's enough to last a lifetime where I come from

forget me
not
love me
i want you to
but
you don't

Betrayal
is a scary thing
because though you can know someone your whole life
there is always a part of you that is terrified
that one of you will end up betraying the other
and the part that scares me the most is
i know eventually it will be me
-Alex
Betrayal
A trait or a fear
Of what comes next
Are we through
Are we not
Did you take my heart
And leave it unlocked
I know that maybe come back
But the fear of what left
Is enough to keep me back
-Ezra

The day is over
And
The sun
Is
Gone

My bed awaits me
Tired and sore
I lay there
D
   R
     I
       F
         T
       I  
    N
G
In
And out
Of an
Oh
So
Dreadful consciousness

I'm feeling drowsy
Not really tired
Just feeling lousy
Not quite wired

Don't want to die
Can't really live
Don't wanna lie
Can't quite forgive

Time moves too fast
Heartbeats too slow
Time leaves us last
Heartbeats must go

I can't do this
Neither can you
What to do
What to do

I want to know that you see me
                                                 feel me
                                                             hear me
                                                                        miss me
                                                                                     know me
even if you do not
love me


                              that would be enough

This is about the worst heartache of all
The one no one ever wants to talk about
The destruction of friendships
When people decide to leave and not look back
but I grow up in a generation of petty princesses
and weak principles
where it's more accepted to talk trash about them
then it is to be yearning for their presence
we're encouraged to do whatever it takes
to make them jealous
but don't you ever take them back
they had their chance
never let them know how much they made you smile
put in your headphones
tune it out
but where are the albums about this
where are the pleas and cries and sorrows
begging for the friendship they once had to return
because I've grown tired of these people
and their problems
and their dramatic interpretations
of the smallest of details
we are a generation that needs to learn
that it will never be okay to tear each other down
and it will never be easy to sift through the ashes
in order to rebuild bridges
we burnt down
so long ago

please stop throwing me into a word that does not describe me
and a body that does not fit me
and i know you don't know better
but maybe if you tried a little harder
you could see that i don't like she her
or he him
but that doesn't mean i am confused
i know who i am
they/them

i'm a day or so behind on my homework
and when i tried to do it
i almost started to cry
i love to listen to music
but today the words get to me
"i love the thought of being with you, or maybe it's the thought of NOT BEING SO ALONE"
here i am writing this
when i should be doing math
but who knows
maybe when i'm done i'll put on a movie
how bout ***** dancing
i always did seem to love that one.

What a simple question
With such a complicated answer
I'll try to sum it up
Without too much banter
Have you ever just bled
In order to feel alive
Have you ever seen the darkness
And still taken a dive
Have you ever peeled your skin off
And worn it inside out
Have you ever asked a question
Just to cover up your doubt
Have you ever sold your soul
Just so it was free
I write because without it
I just wouldn't be me