do i need more than a couple words
to tell you I’m f** desperate

no worries i have of death
but knowing that i’ll have to
spend an eternity
without ever feeling your touch again

Is it okay that I want to die?
Is it okay that the mere reason of my existence is to feel pain?
Is it okay that the stone cold bricks make me feel home now?
Is it okay that I don’t want to go on?
Is it okay that I wish I were never born?
Is it okay that I want to be embraced by that hard thick rope?
Will it be as soft as your hands or your cheek?

I feel it closing upon me now.
I see it squeezing me out of my blanket.
I know it wants to come still,
All the walls I call home strike on me.
I understand that my becoming was based on pain yet again.

I saw it leaning down on me.
Its shadow fell upon me.
I liked the sun.
But it didn’t go away, no.
At least I know how it feels though.
But no.
It wasn’t as soft as your hands nor your cheek.

Your life crossed mine,
In a way that is divine.
Your lips were so encouraging,
Finer than a bottle of wine.

a day, still remaining as no other
a day that i was light as feather
a day i could never compare
to may’s brightest weather

sleeping next to only one other
which had always caused me bother
vanishes when we lie together
for a man is a wolf to another

now when the days are cold
your skin should feel
like a fairy tale untold
thought of you makes me kneel
will this ever unfold?

why won’t our paths ever meet
is caring for you an immoral deed?
this could not be fate or karma
for i am no devil’s seed

hair shines as a river runs
skin soft as coming of the dawn
warmer than a thousand suns
you could not be but angel’s spawn

smile so that the spring will come
smile so that the sun can shine
your face lacks none, all so gentle
yet dark as universe’s center
it is the peephole of eden
through which i shall enter

how the late day’s sun shine on your eyes
and they turn to burning amber
memories that keep your longing sighs
in them i want to linger

stayed up late again
and now the sun rises
i will waste the day in vain
but it’s not what the real surprise is
my face in shape none recognizes
i happen to be in terrible condition
i made a mistake again with such precision
I’ve got nothing to live or worry about
And no real new year’s resolution
aimlessly around I linger
like a once so famous singer
Of a long forgotten era
darker times, for me, again come in heat
But I am no enemy they could beat
let them come my love
let them storm the gate,
let them come my love
let them come in large scale
cause once more, I will stand tall
and once more I will prevail

I haven’t seen such delight in many moons,
Earth gifting you with beauty, which later she dooms.

You’re like Rome to me,
All the roads lead to you.

My miserable life which you have lend,
Who could know it would end with such abend?
Like every other wound i had
Will my rotten body mend?

Home doesn’t have a room, a kitchen and warm blankets,
It has lungs, livers and a heart.

when i perish
                        when the soil on top of me blossom
                             shall you smile and cherish
                               for i will not be lonesome
                              with the boatman i will sail
                                 in our tongues a rhythm

                           no poems or no laments be sang,
                                     for all those who were
                                 the bells of doom have rang

                          no poems or no laments be sang,
                                     i will not be in sorrow
                                     for once i have sprang.

in another life maybe
the rock that you tripped over as a child
wouldn’t be there
maybe you wouldn’t see that movie that day
maybe you liked that elementary teacher
maybe your mother didn’t shout at you for overstaying your bedtime
maybe you treated your sister better
or gave her that one piece of chips
maybe one of all these little things
or all of them combined
could lead us into each other
maybe we could fight over some senseless matter
and make love the same night
maybe we could wash the dishes together,
pick you an outfit for work and complain how hard it is to be an adult
but in another life it is..
because once you tripped over that rock
and i have to live knowing
that you will never even get the slightest idea
or a momentary thought
of how it would make us feel
to wash those dishes together tonight