Dizzy feeling
Staring at the ceiling
Cool and white
Could it feel my spite
Try to Speak
Words come out so bleak
Running for the door
Both feet escape the cold floor
Fresh air
To keep me from ripping out my hair
Breathing begins to quicken
I’m starting to feel sick and
Helpless once again
Go outside
Trying to hide
In the moonlight
No happiness in sight
Climbing into the pool
Feeling like such a fool
Cool, yet warm water surrounds me
I think of the sea
Begging for an answer
To stop being such a hopeless romancer
Needing a sign
Before deciding it’s time
To give it all away
No one left to beg me to stay
Needing a sign
This can’t be my time
This can’t be my last day
A shooting star says stay
I do
Didn’t have a clue
I stayed

Set me free
Let me be
Can’t you see
Everything you’ve done to me
Your words cut through
Making me so blue
Remembering every hit
And all of the words you’d spit
Your anger exploded
Your heart imploded
Throwing a fist
I felt I barely missed
It started with the wall
When things began to fall
Then it moved to your head
While you were crying in bed
Stop hitting
The world’s spinning
Set me free
Let me be
After all the things you’ve done to me?
How you could even expect it not to be
Bad
So Bad
Our love affair was not fair
More like a war
And oh it tore
Through my heart
You ripped apart
But love still swarmed
Because I believed you were still warm
Little did I know
It was just another show

Shovel it down
Spit it out
Want to keep it in
Feels like poison
Hunger rumbles
My body awake
Ignore it
Not important
Not just for food
For love
For happiness
For contempt days
Not wasted away
Curled over familiar porcelain
Going through motions again
Long nights
Hating life
Who have I become
Can’t be the only one
Hurting
Hurting
Hurting
Hunger
Pains
Get over it
It’s all stupid

Midnight sky
Look me in the eye
Monster in my head
Won’t let me go to bed
Heart thumping
Brain jumping
To conclusions
Which are just illusions
Nothing’s real
What is it I feel?

Monster in my head
Won’t you let me go to bed?
Work all night and day
Never time to play
Dizzy dizzy brain
Feeling so much pain
Oxygen restriction
Hyperventilating submission

Rocking in place
Send my mind to space
Anger in my veins
Causes so much pain
Confusion
Delusion
Is this even real
How is one supposed to feel?
Monster in my head
Let me ******* go to bed.
9/23/18