Would you rather I fill you with fallacies of love
Or speak the truth
For years we dwell on what is sweet or easy to bear
for years we dwell on what is sweet or easy to bear
let that sink in
Whatever the truth is , it most certainly has never been easy

Hypnotized to accept what is
But in reality, it isn't
And what isn't  leave us salivating
for that beautiful dalliance with life


We are hooked
Subconsciously slaving
Inventing picnics in the name of innovation
high on rugged ideas puffed into a void

my mind is
a big hunk of irrevocable nothing which touch and
taste and smell and hearing and sight keep hitting and
chipping with sharp fatal tools
in an agony of sensual chisels i perform squirms of
chrome and execute strides of cobalt
nevertheless i
feel that i cleverly am being altered that i slightly am
becoming something a little different, in fact
myself
Hereupon helpless i utter lilac shrieks and scarlet
bellowings.

Pitter patter, heart beats faster.
Laying alone again.
Time drags on, time has past her.
From a long ago sin.

Anxiety grows stronger.
A feeling of deep dispair.
A love may be lost.
Am I the only one to care?

In the end it was me.
My faults are mine to bare.
Could I have helped them.
Would she even care?

An illness within me.
Has ruined quite a lot.
Without it would I be me?
That, I think not.

A cure there is none.
But now I understand.
The work has begun.
With Gods helping hand.


A.Emmi 03/10/18

What if life was played in fast forward?
Would you look more, out the window?
See the buildings, the missing trees?
The colors changed, painted in steel?
Focus on folds, beneath your cheeks?
Spend time with the once, called lonely?

What if life was played in reverse?
Would you redo things, differently?
Experience reality?
Change your lack of identity?
Free your mind of not feeling free?
Rethink responsibilities?

What if life was paused?
Would you be doing, what you are doing right now?
What is the first thing that comes to mind?
What about the colors on your brush?
Do you think that they are enough?
Are you still on the right track?

What if life had to be lonely?
Would you use your voice to speak?
Is there a reason to listen?
What rules would you want to create?
Would you understand heartbreak?
Would you bother to hit replay?

Either way we all reach the end.
But we write separate screenplays.
Decide our fate and how we blend.
And how we fast forward our days.

Hopefully we are not the same.
Get to use our voice and listen.
To lose ourselves would be a shame.
Or to move forward, not driven.

Remember, your life is in play.
And should not be thrown away.

I remember the rainy night I showed up on your door step begging for answers

It was 2 years later and I cried like it was yesterday

You invited me in and even though I hated you, in I walked

I remember feeling brave
I remember feeling broken, shattered
I remember how easily you brushed my tears off
But you acknowledged how **** I was
Such causality
And I wondered why you had asked me inside with no feeling of remorse.

I left shortly thereafter with fewer answers than I came with
I left with the feeling of regret all over again like a fresh coat of paint

But something happened that night
Somewhere between following you from room to room
Talking about insignificant memories
You reminded me that people move on
You reminded me how sometimes strength is a deep rooted pain, disguised.
And in that night I learned that I don't want your excuses after all
Even if you had any to give.