Take me back to July
When we curled up in bed and curled up in each other
When every second was precious and the future was bright
And the shine of our potential was nearly blinding
But I stared and I didn't care if it blinded me
Because I loved you

Now there is nothing left
And I'm fighting to feel something again
And our future is foggy and cold
And dead
And I can't love you any more

Take me back to July.

Everytime we get pick and mix
I choose strawberry cables.
I know they were your favourite
At least, they were when I loved you

I make them last
Slowly teasing and *******
Gentle teeth and lips
Because I know I will never get to give that to you

You're a constant attraction
A shimmer in a magpies eye
You're a prize, to be revered and cherished.

I'd like to feel like it's not my fault to want you.
That it's not a defect
Or a flaw
Or something I feel compelled to hurt myself to accept.

I'm somewhere on that spectrum,
And I know how far along
And the idea of being an integer coordinate scares me.

You're soft, and smiling and captivating.
And I want to hold and kiss and touch
And unfold secrets
And cause smiles to blossom.

I've never had you so close, and I want you closer still.

I live to speak and dream
And to have a lot of ***
To self observe, to criticise
The things that I know best

To run and jump and scream and cry
To make no noise at all
Listening, imagining,
To ******* and to crawl

What are the days, the things we say
Those on whom we depend
Our deepest lies, we summarise
To lovers and to friends

A heartbreak, an art work
A scowl or a smile
All tangled up, in everyday
I'll just watch for a while

I feel sick to my stomach

As love crumbles
My own identity slipping
To self loathing and panic and hatred.

So, so broken
Shattered into to tiny pieces
That you lose in the carpet
And only find once stepped on.

There's too much finality in it all
I'm such a coward
I can't face up to it all
I can't

Numb of alcohol
Cigarettes
An early morning
Ambition


That's poetry enough to me