In my complacency and distraction
I over indulged
Allowed myself too much of the things the make me happy
And spiralled out of control

As a human
A system
Built on balance and order
I tilted
Tipped the scales
And my self punishment
Will endeavour to fix me again

Drunkeness and falling
Give that stomach tightening feeling
I miss it.
It's the lull I feed myself while my mind cycles
Scaring me, gaining strength
Like a snowball down a hill

I want the comfort of someone to hold
Slender and soft
In the way only a woman can be

'Thats true self harm' she said
proud and self announced
like she could comprehend the universe
and that it left her no challenges

that in her 50 years, she had learnt all people
all feelings
all possibilities
and could now group us all like colours in a jar

i left, because it hurt
to think that after everything i go through to explain
the simpleness of 'some people'
discounts all the effort

there is no wrong and right way to hurt yourself
there is only a future
which we endeavour to make hurt less

Do the trees still stand
In the pouring rain
Does the west wind sigh over grass and plain?

Do the rivers run
And the owls call
Do the mountains judge as they sit so tall?

Can the men still see
Do the women cry
When the blues and greens dance across the sky?

Will we ever know
How we all exist
In a world as vast and beautiful as this

Giving up sounds more beautiful the harder you push it
Like a cream cake in a window
Or staying out too late with the one you love

A cushion to sleep on, on fathers armchair
Second helpings

Nothing is helping

Evenings used to be comforting,
Swaddled in the peachy sunset
Or laying out on the grass.

Sometimes, they were tempestuous
I would sit in the thunderstorms and cry
Until my soul felt poured out into the Earth.

Every night now I stare
At question papers,
studying
struggling
because my idea of complete satisfaction
Does not even slightly adhere to a commercial world's.

I know I'm good enough, and it's exhausting to keep proving it

One day when I'm angled and slight
We can stay up, drowning in starlight
Limbs left cold
Hearts left warm
Fragile,  wavering in a midnight storm