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basil Jan 2021
candles burn slowly
but paper burns all at once
i gather up the letters i never sent you
in my charred fingers
the scent of blood and embers
coating my breath like a chord progression

the ink that spilled from my pen so freely
melts just as painless
and through my graphite tainted tears
i hear your name in my voice
and see your skin in the fading sunlight on all hallows eve
so radiant against the decaying trees
you wouldn't let me take a photograph but
i didn't need to. i didn't need to.
i'll always remember you swathed in the golden flames
falling from the sky

the letters are really burning, now,
reminding me of how hot your skin is to the touch
no. now i can feel you under my fingertips
as i tell you about how dead serious i am about faking my death
and moving to the woods
you look so, so alive
at the prospect of pretending to die
and it's then that i realized, that you've been pretending to live
for a long, long time

and i laugh
my teeth flickering yellow with each dance of the kindling
a smile stolen from a memory
and i know that is all i will have of you
just journal entries and photos that i'll never be able to burn
like these letters
because these were just ideas of you
that floated in my head before i could make you laugh
before i memorized the way you smell in the winter
when a fire burns in your house

a fire so much warmer than this one
i put the flame out with an old shirt. how fitting.
basil Jan 2021
missing you is like
resisting the urge to shave my head
another stupid one about missing you, blue eyes. it only gets more and more redundant.
basil Jan 2021
i miss home
it's to dry here
dirt caked
under my fingernails

but you're here

so i'll stand under the showerhead
a little longer
and pretend that it's rain
as long as you're here, i'll bear these tumbleweeds
basil Jan 2021
god was always just a pair of eyes
on a chipping billboard in the centre of it all

he either doesn't have hands
or doesn't use them
i guess i'll never really see exactly
what you meant

but i know he's never done anything but
stare
i get the metaphor now
**** it, gatspy, i get the metaphor now
basil Jan 2021
"i am so lame" i whisper to myself
after putting your flannel in the dryer
so that it would be as warm as it was when you gave it to me
fresh off your skin

your scent is waning, but i can still catch it
i wish i could hold it in my palms
because god knows it's my favourite smell in the world

i wear it until it get's cold again
but by then i'm already asleep

dreaming of you as i pretend you're holding me
dude, ****. i'm such a wreck lmaooofslakdfj
basil Jan 2021
my new years resolution
comes out more like a suicide note;
all languid lines and
lists that won't mean anything to the dead

i'd rather swallow it than keep it
i can live with a few scars
idk. **** the passage of time.
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