a couple days ago
i tried to **** myself
by ingesting a handful of
different pretty pills
in the hopes
they'd make me
a pretty corpse
i thought maybe
they'd plant roots
in my stomach
and grow flowers
out of my eye sockets
but then i realized
those pretty pills
would ****
not only me
but the ones who already
saw flowers growing
in the darkest parts
of me

The light of the November moon
Laid on top of the air
Like an unwanted blanket
Suffocating Carolyn in too much warmth
Which mixed with her salt tears
Tightening the noose woven with pain
And throwing distant memories into the swirling air
Of her beautiful Rose
An angel who finally made it to heaven
To meet with a world which held no hurt.

Collections of Rose never failed to appear in Carolyn’s head
Scratching their way into reality
With every Cheshire Cat smile and every light giggle that harvested over her face
Throughout the period of many moons and many suns.
With every twinkle of her glossy eyes and every compassionate touch of her hands.
She lured Carolyn in with lust
Like Medusa’s hissing snakes seducing innocent half-bloods
And it was a feeling which could never escape the girl
As her black boots shuffled through dead grass
The color of spaghetti just as it finished cooking through boiling water.

The buzz of crickets scattered throughout the yard.
Each gray headstone staring at numb Carolyn
Reminding her of every unfortunate love one who grieved the same as she.
The only two things to seem alive were the wandering girl and new flowers
Which laid on top of the soil and leaned against headstones
But one of those two felt dead
As if there was no reason to go on since love had been lost with the noose.
Carolyn didn’t know how love never ended
Even as her head hung low and her spirit hung even lower
Rose still loved her as she watched from where she had fallen.

Wind tugged at Carolyn’s hair and tossed it gently about her forehead.
Her skinny fingers shook like the orange autumn leaves
Being torn off the last branch of a dying tree
That could no longer take all the rain.
And her eyes stung with tears which dripped upon her parted lips
Tasting of all the chemicals from her makeup.
Recollections of Rose’s last days haunted her tired eyes as she edged closer.
After many days full of smiles
Her best friend’s stare became cold and numb
Like winter nights when the snow was uncontrollable
And no one bothered to switch the streetlamp light bulbs.

Carolyn knew where the grave was placed as she turned past unknown names
In what used to be spring green grass
Covered in flowers of a rainbow assortment
For those who grieved never went to the grave empty handed.
Her feet stopped with a sudden regret as the name stared back at her.
The name of her best friend.
Carolyn’s eyes slipped shut as short breaths escaped her chapped lips.
She melted her headaches that haunted her head
Called this world which no longer included her best friend her home
And placed a single rose the color of crimson and the symbol of love
On the angel’s grave.

I heard you blister
You swarmed as the daylight broke
Cross distant lands, tattered
Tumultuous, flayed
Burrowing deep into rot

You’ve beaten the broken
You’ve flayed the dead silence
Into a gutter-mouthed cry
Of humanities darkest

Raging a storm
So long
You’ve swallowed hell and heaven whole

Nothing is left anymore

When you spit out the darkness
You bare your soul
And I can see
Hate has swallowed you whole