It's gonna get better...
When the fall comes...
And the rain blows
God promised..
rainbows...
Not butterflies..
When eggs hatch..
Cobras grow..
Thats life man...
Rain Blows...

If I could turn back time
Rewind
Make it undone
I swear that I would

Not to right wrongs
Or avoid mistakes
Nor to change or retake
So that I could remake

The past that I chose
Was what I wanted
And I'd choose it all over again
So that I could regain

That crisis that would make me
The friendships that contained
Obstacles I overcame
To make me who I am

These criss cross lines of fate
Upon my hand
Which destined my path to meet
Fallen stars to soften the blow
Of the cruel trials

The decisions that I took
Intertwined
And failed the test of time
Leaving a trail of lessons learnt

I'd go back and relearn
Everything happens for a reason
Now, or later on down the line
Whatever happens is for the best

I'd go back and be at ease
Freely let my worries
Dissolve into the oceans
Where they will amount
To the invisibility of air

I'd go back and see
Relive the signs
That would lead me closer to you
To submit
and surrender to the One above.

*inspired by a friend - fathiya

write a letter to a small man
write a letter just for me
write a letter not on books
not on books of painting and sculpture
but on paper you do not deserve my
trademark
my quirks, there is no glitter for you
forgiveness, maybe
I hope
I really really please please please hope
not for you though
for me
write a letter to a small tall man
maybe trying to be a better
trying the grab the cake that is labeled
"Eat Me."
Grow again.
maybe.
but that is for you and I write for me
My peace my slate my beginning
I am
if not, I tried as you are intoxicated by the bottle of
"Drink Me."
Shrink Shrink Gone
but write a letter hoping not
hoping to forgive to set free
me
and take it have your own peace
but still
there is no glitter for you.

Felicia,
I'm off my meds and I need you.

My mind is somewhere between 
rock bottom and a dark place

My mind is my frenemy
that I'm sleeping alone with. 

I feel more alone again.

Felicia,
If my minds the weapon
How to I get my heart 
to back me up?
Because it feels like 
it's set to self-destruction

my own prophecy self-fulfilled

Felicia,
How come I'll never get the time back I killed?

What about the madness 
and how it manifests 
into impulses?

Like biting my ******* lip.

and how come I imagine everyone naked still?

I feel like biting my tongue off
when it's freudian slipping
But I need that for the times
when these fantasies start projecting

Felicia,
I'm sorry for all those times I swore in your office.
I'm the impatient patient still locked in the waiting room of my mind

Waiting for the ******* world to fall in my lap. 

Felicia,
I'm ready to dig myself out of this bed I made in falling for tired cliches when all I needed was a metaphor.

I look at this monster
One of your creation
Am I the only one
The lonely one
In this lonely nation

You bottled my sadness
Captured my tears in a glass
Held fears at bay
Brought a smile to my face
All my unhappiness had passed

Until that moment
My bliss had a limit
You stole my bar
And raised it
To beyond infinite

Before you I was a mess
I was pitiful
A runt in the litter
Unloved and insecure
Cast out and critical

Then you swooped me up
Never let me down
You cradled my hand
Warmed my heart
Your love was my angelic crown

I became soft
My hard shell melts
How was I to know
That you would send me
Straight to hell

It burns here now
Take me from this place
This pain kills me
I would die
If only I could feel your embrace

You take me to new highs
Send me crashing to new lows
So I love you from a distance
Safe and protected
In my cloak of shadows

You never fall out of love
But what I feel for you has changed
You abused my love
Tried to take yours back
So my feelings will never be the same

Cry for me
Lie to my face
Wither up and die without me
What I wanted you wouldn't give
So in this world I will find a new place