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“And he offered me $3,500.00 in cash,
All I had to do was sleep with him twice a week,
Let him **** me all he could & then
Blow him/**** him off—
Serious hand & mouth action—
For $3,500.00 a week,
Every week.
That’s $15,000 a month—
Serious money—
Not “*******” money,
But a comfortable living,
Unless, of course, you have a
Serious coke habit, which I don’t.
So, who wouldn't?"
“The force that drives the green fuse,”*
Whiskey-induced, almost a limerick,
When you consider the source:
Just another Gaelic wino,
Who liked to hear himself talk.
Dylan: blessed & cursed with
The gift of lyrical gab,
Exalting the English Language.
With bar stool eloquence,
A regular, ****** Yeats,
I’m sure he thought he was.
Just another skeevy Bukowski,
Crude, muddled,
Psychologically askew.
So I was texting with her.
How she doth linger
In my mind after all these years.
So, one might ask:
"How many Kaplan University
Spams does it take?"
Get the message:
Get smarter.
Go to college.
Even if it is some post office box
Diploma Mill, right off the
Matchbook cover.
Or read enough books, and
You, too, can be like me.
A good word, like woman to woman?
Delivering the line succinctly, just like
George Burns, wryly,
With a smile.
"I went to my doctor," she said.
"Gave me some cream for my Pud."

Simply put:
I fancy her.
My mind, a theater,
My words, an intense inner monolog
Directed to an imaginary audience.
The ASIDE: a useful theater prop
Adapted seamlessly from script to screen.
The new medium divulging what I really think,
My avatar--a floating bubble head--
Visible off-stage only,
A new version of reality,
A giant leap for mankind:
Humans outsourcing the bulk of experience.
Oops, I crapped my pants, again!
Good thing I wear Pampers at work.
That's shift life at the chicken processing plant.
Next time you scarf down McNuggets,
Think of me.
In the mid-1990s I worked as a bartender
on the second floor of a local hotdog joint
near the University of Pittsburgh.
I poured beers and mixed simple drinks
for working class drunks.
The felons always had a game or a magic trick
they’d use to milk rubes for a free gin and tonic.
College students mostly stayed away,
but the ones who stumbled in ordered drafts,
paid for by daddy’s allowance
or the petty drug rackets they ran on campus.
In the summer, the best ***** came around,
**** pushed out of their tops,
*** cheeks crept below their skirts.
They knew how to find action
every single night.

Except one overweight girl named Susie
from the all girl’s school down the road.
She’d come to the bar alone,
her lips caked with dark red lipstick.
Like many students, Susie wanted to be older.
She’d order ***** martinis,
drink quietly, and she’d patiently wait
for one of the older drunks to make a move.
It never happened.

Sometimes Susie complained to me
about other girls at her college,
that they were aggressive lesbians.
All of them wanted to eat her ******.
‘Those ******* are as bad as the men,’ she’d say.
But then she’d laugh it off.
‘I really love ****,’ she told me.
‘I think about **** and *** all the time.’

One night Susie owed the bar $27.50.
She always tried to flirt her way past the tab.
I never let her get away with it.
‘Do you like me?’ she said.
I laid down my trademark response,
‘You’re the best.’
‘No, do you really like me?’
I figured she deserved a real compliment.
‘You have the sexiest lips here.’

She climbed off the barstool
and walked to the backdoor, the fire escape.
She then curled her finger at me to join her.
Outside on the small rusted iron landing,
above the roach-filled dumpster,
Susie crouched between my legs.
Both of us worked to unbuckle my belt.
A swarm of hands pulled down my jeans.
I looked up at the few stars between buildings
as those red lips and soft tongue became my drug,
a back alley escape from a ******* life.
When I unloaded, she refused to let go.
She swallowed it all. $27.50 paid in full,
plus tip.

That’s how we went for a while.
I gave Susie small escapes from lesbians.
Susie gave me small escapes from life.
Eventually, she stopped coming around.
I figured she graduated.
Perhaps her classmates finally got their wish.
Either way, I never saw her again.
To be included in my next collection, **** River Sins.
It’s getting to be that
I gotta get ****** just to go
Super market shopping these days.
Medication de rigueur,
Just to brave the dazed & demolished
Faces of forlorn fiends,
Those 400 SAT score & scoured souls
Stuck all this time in the
Lower middle classes.
Down for the count,
A toothpaste tube-squeezing cohort,
Squishing out the last dollop
Of Colgate Optic White
From their menial, un-redemptive misery;
Caught on a crumbling ledge,
Soon to fall even lower--
Darwin’s social Ziggurat
Still happily-ever-crazy,
After-all-these-years.
Meanwhile, the rich,
The few, that lucky few,
Get ever more clever, ever more rich,
Devising sinister tricks & subterfuges,
To wit: exterminate inflation
While simultaneously jacking prices,
Higher prices weekly.
Double-digit inflation:
The Obama Administration’s
Best kept Official Secret.
Meanwhile the poor know better,
Grow more bitter each day.
It's not even subtle anymore.
Everything costs more.
Everything is expensive
When you have no money to buy.
Roaming the grocery aisles,
Predator packs,
Reminiscing the good old days,
When a job seemed a birthright,
Apple pie:  no longer as American as . . .
Dazed and ragged like Zombies,
They roam the cornucopia,
Carnal grins on ravenous lips,
“Clean-up on Aisle 5,”
Screams the cashier.
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