It is in the midst of insecurity
weakness and pain
that I found my voice
resonant, loud
not lurking in the shadows
It is in the darkest of times that my creative soul emerged
embraced me in its warmth
and gave me a sign
a forever reminder
that I can carry a world with words
that my hands were made to create
a forever reminder
that insecurity will not eat me up
it will not consume me
it will not overpower me
my power lays in words, needle and thread
most importantly
my power lays in a burning passion for what i do
a burning passion that will not dim nor fade away into the uncertainty of insecurity

my world has spun around you as its orbit for way too long
i choose to distance myself day after day for my own sanity
as you have woven so many parts of me and it became way too hard to untangle
so i choose to leave them messy
a reminder of the love that turned into self damage
i’ll weave them together slowly and with time
thread by thread
weft and warp
it will not look the same as it has once before

i choose to distance myself from this love,
to heal from the pain it has cost me

as the world stops to spin and revolve around you
i find, slowly, happiness i’ve missed
i know there was happiness and that there will be more of it
as my heart gets woven back again into the pieces i thought i had lost

i’d bend over backwards for you
still
after all this time
you may ask me why
and i have no answer for that
absolutely none

i’ll try to explain it to you the best way i can
maybe it’s because everything you made me feel
was not replicated in any way

maybe it’s because every time i think of your smile my brain stops working for a while and my heart acts up

maybe it’s all the affection that i never felt worthy of that you graced me with

maybe, for the first time in my life i felt secure in your arms
you had me
i had you

i thought it would be forever
turns out
forever was only forever on my side
forever faded for you and there’s no blame thrown at you in any way
because people have every right to leave
change
and feel their feelings change
but mine haven’t
and i hope they do
i look at you with fondness and the greatest affection
but i hope it turns into moving on, trying to find love again
any way i can

the ones i love most, scattered around the world.
London, Paris, Dubai, Montreal etc.

the ones left here go through waves of anger and sadness.
their loved ones are scattered around the world.
and they’re looking to join them.

and everybody asks me when my turn is coming, assuming that i’m joking when i say i’m not leaving.

but there’s a simple answer,
i love it here.
it’s my home.
i can’t be think of myself being anywhere else in the world right now.

and then,
there was missing you
between the drunken times
and the fake smiles
i found myself thinking
of the way way you used to hold my hand
the way you used to hold me
the way you enjoyed being around my friends
sometimes, on nights like these
i miss the way things were
on nights like these
reality hits
hard
and the weight of the world falls on my shoulders
it’s a good reminder to be around people you love
people you care about
some people you cherish
some people who feel the same about you

hard work makes a woman strong
hard work and dedication go hand in hand

Dedication is loyalty to something great
Something greater than yourself
Some greater passion you build up inside

Dedication is sweat and tears
Sleepless nights scarred fingers

Dedication is the light at the end of the tunnel
Dedication is the feeling of accomplishment
The happiness of having accomplished something great

This time, another heartbreak
not my first, certainly not my last
I decided to let go of the man who let me go
I have learned time after time, you cannot force anyone to love you

I have tried many times, and failed endlessly.

Love is not something you control
You wish you could but if the feelings fade away
They are not going to spark up again

Do not get your hopes up, the spark will not be present
The spark has faded
It is no longer a burning flames
But ashes to dust