I want to love you

But the world feels like a bigger space
Bigger than an uncertain future
Bigger than us
Like a crossroad with no directions
and I'm a car at full speed with no brakes

I want to love you

But do I really want to?
When the voices outside my head are so loud I can't even hear my own
Like four corners of a wall
Closing in 'til all I see is a life where everything from dust to majestic castles has to have your name written on them

What about my name?
What about the dreams I will myself to dream every night when I finally stopped hating own reflection?
Those dreams didn't include you

You are a ship
Forever moving but constant
You cross seas with your own world inside of you
I'm just the waves you cut across
A mix of still bright blues and gloomy thunderstorms
I have no direction
I'm all over the place

I want to love you

But, really, what is love,
If I lose grip of everything that holds me tight
If I make graveyards out of gardens
And break people's hearts the same amount of times I break my mine

I want to love you

With a love people lose sleep over for
A love that makes the empty space and cold pillows warm with childlike hope
A beautiful kind of love
Genuine and pure like your eyes and your intentions
I don't know if I can handle it with calloused hands and a bitter heart

I want to love you
With all the love you deserve
But how can I
When love is a tall building
And I'm scared to death of heights

It's such a sad feeling
when someone absolutely amazing
couldn't wait for you
or wait with you
I just want someone
who understands me completely
and will love me unconditionally
I guess I could never get that
Because people are people
And they need the kind of love that they give
The kind of love that's on their terms
On their time
Most usually, now
I couldn't blame them for that
I really can't
Their love is pure
Maybe I just don't deserve it
Maybe the kind of love I deserve is still a work in progress
Maybe it'll take me years
I don't care
All the crying and guilt and pain
Of breaking hearts, other people's and mine
Could someday be just a fleeting memory
Someday, it will all make sense
There's nothing I could do but wait

the lines you left in my heart are cracks on a sidewalk
they're traces of ruin and of heartbreak like shards of glass in a carpet scattered with rose petals and drips of blood
the lines are beautiful to look at now

they could be some kind of art
if only looking at them for a long period of time doesn't hurt so much

it's like staring at a glowing light and having to look away before it burns your eyes

it's like looking at you across the hallway and having to stop myself from staring too much
because doing so will burn me with visions of car rides and soothing music and paper napkins with written promises
they might as well blind me

but the sidewalk is long, very long
the path's end is still out of sight
and while those cracks are very apparent now i'm fairly sure they won't be forever

because grass grows on cracks and they will be beautiful