if/when
you choose to reach (for) me
do it because of me
because i am what you want
i am nothing more
than myself
i am a heart that beats in verse
but i am not these poems
i am my skin
a home to my soul
i am not these words
i have tried to become them
but i am more

i wish you knew
that you are precious and honored.
that you are lovable.
that your worth doesn't come from you.
nor does it come from
your successes
your failures
the heads you turn when you walk by
your weight
your beauty.
i wish you knew
you're so much more than that,
and so i tell you.

i have never written you a poem.
this is a song long overdue.
i love you
i love you
i love you.
i love you because you love
because without you
i could not love.
you are my needle and thread
the milk and honey
that feeds these bones
the bread and wine of this soul.
you are the home of my words
you are the teacher of my hands
you tell them to hold other hearts gently
you tell them to hold on
you tell them to let go.
you sing to me every morning
you sing me alive
you sing to me
i love you
i love you
i love you.

si alguna vez
llegas a leer un poema,
ojalá me leas a mí.
ojalá encuentres la poesía que se esconde en mi cuerpo,
en mis ojos que riman, en mis pies que solo saben bailar,
ojalá encuentres la poesía que se esconde en las curvas de mis labios
y en la canela de mi piel.
si alguna vez llegas a leer un poema,
ojalá me leas a mí,
ojalá encuentres las palabras escritas en mi piel,
y veas como mis ojos deletrean la palabra
‘luz’
y como mis manos hablan de arte
y como mi corazón canta de valentía y esperanza
y si alguna vez llegas a leer un poema,
ojalá sea yo.

one of these days you'll see me
smiling at the sun,
running freely in a meadow, picking flowers
and placing them on my hair.
one of these days you'll find me
writing my story in the sky,
singing the song of my
freedom and redemption.
one of these days i'll be
dressed in bravery and gold,
with fireworks in my eyes
and truth written on my skin,
with the taste of joy on my tongue
and bliss in my footsteps
because i will be free and
brave and carefree and hopeful
one of these days.

open up and let Hope in.
let it dance around your heart.
open up and let Light in.
let your soul know the magic of sunrises.
open up and let Life in.
let it make you bloom.
open up and let Faith in.
let it make you believe again.
open up and let Love in.
let it change you,
let it play with your hair,
let it kiss you,
let it make you want to
fly and touch the clouds.
open your doors
and let Hope and Light
and Life and Faith and Love
stream in and chase away the darkness.
open the windows of your soul
and let boldness and bravery
drown fear out.
open up.

in your heart
there is gold
in your heart
lies a brave spirit
in your heart
lives a sparrow
singing a tune of hope
in your heart
is a spark
that will set the world on fire
in your heart
lives truth and hope
and love and life.
open it.

‘this is my heart,’ i tell you.
you hold it between your hands.
‘be gentle, be kind, be soft,’ i want to tell you.
i smile,
i let you believe it is strong and unbreakable.
but this heart,
my heart,
is made of paper,
light, fragile and easily breakable.
it is bendable,
and often tries to fold itself and look smaller than what it is.
an origami heart.
when you unfold it,
you can see the creases love left,
you can trace with your hand the exact place where pain left its mark,
you can read the stories left in the lines.
and still,
despite it all,
my origami heart, my paper heart
is a work of art.

our house will be big enough
to hold our two hearts
and the love that beats out of them
the walls will be filled with the words
i wrote to you
and all the times you told me ‘i love you’
in our kitchen
i'll save the recipes
to make you laugh
to make you smile
to make you forget your troubles
our bookshelves will be filled with poetry and flowers
our house will have a garden
where hope will grow wild
and every time i choose you
a flower will bloom

it's one of those days when
i know i need You
and yet i'm afraid of coming
closer to You
because i don't know how
You will react
I don't know if You'll be able to look
past what i've done.
You're probably done forgiving
and so i leave.
but as i turn to go
You say
my love is over, it's underneath,
it's inside, it's in between
Your love is
everywhere.
over my shame.
inside my sorrow.
in between the pain.
over my guilt.
underneath my brokenness.
inside my doubt.
in between my fear.
You still love me and
there's nothing i can do about it.

i stopped being the rain
and the sun
that gave you life
and i turned into wildflowers

we never tire of hoping,
you and i.
"if not today, then tomorrow. and if not tomorrow, then the next day,"
we tell ourselves.
we like to play games with hope
and we always let her win.

poems are raining down from the ceiling.
poems are crawling in from the windows.
the garden is blooming poems.
it is also a poem.
this house is mostly poems.
the yellow dog in the yellow house is barking poems.
the girl who lives down the street is a poem
and she speaks to the neighbor in poems.
me, watching them from my window, is a poem
and all the words i want to tell them are made of poems.
her brother rides a bicycle poem
and the laughter he leaves behind is a poem.
the man who walks by smiles a poem.
more children come, dressed in poems
and they begin to play, which is my favorite poem.
the sun sets, like a poem
and the darkness that comes is a poem.
nobody goes home, and this too is a poem.
the crickets begin to sing, which is a kind of poem.
today is all poems.
the lamppost is shining poems,
the light is a poem,
the cold coffee is a poem,
this window is a poem,
and the night that holds all of this is a poem.
oh, i never want to leave.

the magic of poetry.
is that it makes everything
beautiful.
it fills your lungs
like air.
it turns your soul
into a sky full of stars.
your heart
a field of wildflowers.
you.
into a poem.

lovers write sweet verses
but yours do not compare.
You write ballads with the wind,
and rhymes with the roses.
flowing stanzas with the rivers,
love letters with the stars,
sonnets with the seas.
all You do says ' I love you',
all You do is poetry.

Your love doesn't fit in the sea
and the sky isn't wide enough to hold You.
your thoughts outnumber the stars
and the sun can't shine brighter than You.
You are majestic and beautiful and mighty,
strong and loving and merciful,
You love recklessly
and endlessly
and extravagantly
and beautifully
and i will sing of You
forever.

you say that when i’m skinny
i’ll be pretty,
but don’t you see that now
i smile easily,
and my eyes look like the stars?
don't you see that my laughter
sounds like a song,
and my feet are lighter
and nothing weighs me down?
you say i will be pretty,
but don’t you see that i already am,
that i always have been?
don’t you see i am much more than
pretty,
that i am someone with dreams,
with hope and light?

one day
we will be whole
but until then
we’ll keep fighting,
we’ll take one day at a time
we will laugh and we’ll cry
and we will learn to take our walls down
we’ll be a lighthouse to each other
and carry one another through the night
we’ll see the sun rise
and we’ll find the courage to try again
the waves might try to drown us
but promise me
you won’t sink

do You remember
when David asked You to give him a pure heart?
Yes, i need one, too.
do You have a spare one?
can You search me and fix me?
You are good and compassionate,
merciful and your love is unfailing.
You've seen who i really am and
You've seen what i've done.
look inside this broken heart,
it belongs to You.
it is contrite and repenting,
and it needs You.
clean it and make it white as snow,
and it will forever sing of your righteousness.
this broken heart belongs to You,
don't reject it.
take this broken and contrite heart
as an offering,
a sacrifice You will not refuse.

i called You,
and You came.
You came like rain,
a spring shower,
making everything bloom,
making all things new.

i am sitting in a taxi cab
reading poetry
and thinking
that there must be some metaphor
hidden here
some deep meaning
something greater than just a woman
reading poetry in a taxi cab
a thought
something like
i am the only one who does this
and that my beauty lives in choosing
poetry to fill my days with
something like
this is what will make someone
fall in love with me
but maybe
maybe the poetry in this moment
maybe the greatest thing in all of this
is that i am a woman
reading poetry in a taxi cab.

this morning
i looked in the mirror
and for the first time
i didn't see
my mistakes,
i didn't see
my circumstances,
i didn't see
the shame i carried
on my shoulders,
i didn't see the
fear that once chained me
instead i saw
the most beautiful smile,
i saw a brave heart
and a face full of
inexpressible joy,
and i saw
a soul worth pursuing,
a dream worth chasing,
a heart worth loving.

the moon has only one job:
to reflect the sun's light.
i wish i could be like her.
my only desire is
to reflect Your glory.
i pray that my life mirrors Yours
like the moon reflects the sun.

reflect the Son.

stars burn out
leaves fall
flowers wilt
time fades
but You're not leaving
You won't fail me
You remain.

remember me like this,
with a smile on my face,
with a spark in my eyes,
with my words
dripping down my hands
like honey,
hoping to sweeten your days.
remember me like this,
quiet and thinking,
wanting to keep this moment forever.

inspired by e.e. cummings’s 'into the strenuous briefness’

how many hellos
has the earth heard?
how many beautiful beginnings
has she seen?
how many roses has she bloomed,
and how many of them have been gifted?
how many hellos
have given way to friendship and
love,
how many of them have turned into light?
she keeps them all,
the roses and hellos,
turns them into poems
and turns them into time,
sunrises and sunsets,
beginnings and farewells,
you and me
in between it all.

maybe i keep
running away from You
because i am afraid
to let You love me,
maybe i keep running
because i don't want to
believe that grace and
mercy are waiting for me
maybe i keep running
because i know i don't
deserve what You
want to give me and maybe
i keep running
because it's not fair
that You keep chasing me
but i don't want to run;
i want to stay trapped
in your heart
and know by heart
the rhythm of your breathing
i want to never escape
the stronghold of your embrace
i want to stay and never leave
and never wander and never run.

show me your heart,
show me the beauty you keep inside.
open your soul,
don’t hide it;
let me see the light that shines within.
tell me your story,
tell me what makes your heart beat,
what sets your soul on fire.
tell me about your pain,
and know that it matters,
that every thing about you matters.
know that your life is a gift,
that your life is grace.

i looked for You
in the bright summer days,
i looked for You
in the majestic ocean waves,
i looked for You
in the bright red roses,
i looked for You
in the starry sky
and i found You
in the rainy, gray days,
i found You
in the stillness of the sea,
i found You
in the simple white daisies,
i found You
in the dark, empty night
because You hide in
simple beauty.

darling,
don't listen to them.
don't listen to the naysayers,
don't listen to those that say
that you won't make it,
that you're not worth it,
that you're not enough,
because darling,
you will make it.
you are worth it.
you are enough.
shine your light,
tune them out,
and sing your own song.

Dear friend, why are you so blue?
Are you all alone because everyone left you?
Did you and your loved one part ways?
Did a friend move away?
Did life let you down?
Is that why you've got a frown?
Is everything falling apart?
Is it raining in your heart?

I have something to say
That'll take the pain away:
You are loved and you're alive,
Everything will be alright.
Face today with a smile,
Don't let your sorrows pile.
You can defeat the pain,
Go out and sing in the rain.

sing over me
and tell me that i am loved
sing over me
and tell me that You're here with me
sing over me
because i can no longer sing on my own
because i need to feel You
because this emptiness is filling up my heart
sing over me
and tell me that i am forgiven
sing over me
and tell me that You will never leave me
sing over me
because i can't feel you anymore
because i have strayed too far away
because i have failed
sing over me
until i can sing with You again

“you are so skinny.”
and beautiful.
and happy.
and full of life, with two stars instead of eyes.
but you can only say,
“you are so skinny.”
you only see my bones,
my thinner thighs.
but look at me.
see me.
see how my soul has grown so much it doesn’t fit in my body,
look at the light in my heart,
at the words written in my soul,
look beyond my skin.
look at me,
look at me and tell me
that my smile is brighter than the sun,
that i look happy,
that i've changed,
that i've blossomed.
there are so many things you could say
but you only say,
“you are so skinny.”

could you, please,
slow
down?
listen to your heart.
drum.
hummingbird.
house.
wildflower garden, unkempt
but growing.
this is who you are.
wild and messy,
beautiful and
free.

my life is short
and
i am nothing but a vapor
i am smaller than small
and yet You
rejoice when
You hear my voice
singing to You
You celebrate when
my lips glorify You
and to know that I make You smile
makes me smile.

you don't have me anymore.
I broke my chains.
I no longer believe you.
you made me believe that
there wasn't anything good in me.
you made me believe that
i had no value.
you made me believe that
I couldn't dream.
you made me believe that
I couldn't sing.
you made me believe that
my soul couldn't fly.
you were wrong.
so long, fear.

there is so much of you here.
in me.
my skin
holds your touch.
your fingerprints are mine.
my eyes
are the color of every coffee we shared.
my lips
have learned to move like yours
my words
rhyme with your own.
do not wonder if you left any traces.
i carry them all.

today,
i heard your
voice.
i heard your
song for me.
i heard you
and You said that
You loved me,
that You loved
me yesterday and
that You'll love me
tomorrow
and You said it
in every language
and You whispered it
and You shouted it
from the rooftops
and You didn't stop
singing
until i believed it.

here we are.
drinking coffee at 9 pm.
i am reading poetry
and you are making lists about lists.
here we are.
trying to fill the distance between us
with something.
i do it with comfortable silence,
but you start talking to me
about how iPads could replace computers one day and about iOS eleven
and i nod my head and smile to myself
because i see you
and what you're trying to do:
trying to shorten the distance
the way you know how
and instead of nodding again
i tell you how my friend is selling her phone
and how i don't know
whether to buy it or not
because the storage space
is the same as my phone's
and while you talk to me about cameras and megapixels and iCloud space
the space between us is smaller.

don't ignore the spark in your heart,
don't let the fire die.
let it burn,
let it dance,
let it be wild.
let it be light,
let it be truth.
let it be hope,
let it be love.
let it be.

the sparrows and their song
visited my windowsill this morning
their notes
a poem
a memory
a whisper,
“we are here, we sing.
you are here, so sing.”

i am smaller than the stars
and You think i shine
brighter than all of them
You think i am more
beautiful than any constellation.

on sunday mornings
i won't need an alarm clock
or coffee
to wake me up
your kisses will be enough.

may i grow
so tall and bright,
so free and wild,
so brave and vibrant
that when you see me
standing
you think i am
a sunflower.

could You come to me?
could You meet me in an embrace,
and tell me that it's alright?
could You tell me that You love me,
that I don't have to try to get your attention?
could You tell me that You're listening?
could You tell me that i'm enough?
i need to hear Your voice above all the noise.

don't keep quiet.
go, and tell your story.
sing it from the rooftops
and shout it from the mountaintops.
write it in the sky,
tattoo it on your skin
and braid it in your hair;
tell your story.
don't let it go unheard,
because there is wonder
in your story,
there is grace in your
redemption,
because your words
are stepping stones
to freedom.
tell your story.

all i can say is
thank You
thank You
thank You
because who looks at this
mess of a heart, of a soul
and finds beauty in it?
You.
who looks at the awful things i did
and instead of pointing a finger,
instead of casting a stone,
or turning their back
they smile and whisper that it's okay?
You.
who looks at this heart who everyone couldn't love
and tells it that it is the most loved heart in the whole entire universe?
*You.

are You who You say You are?
do You know what You're doing?
because i don't know.
are You here?
are You listening?
because i don't know.
i don't know if i can endure this
i don't know if i can live in this season
i don't know if i can keep fighting
and You say You know
and You're telling me You're here
and that You are who You say You are
and that You know what You're doing
and i can hear You
i know your voice and what You're saying
but i don't know if i can believe You
but i know You
and You haven't failed me
You haven't let me down
You haven't forgotten me
and even if it feels like You're not here
i will trust You because
i know who You are
and that is enough.

the bookshelves in my room
are filled up with poetry books
and the bookshelves of my soul
keep their words
they keep the heart of the ones who wrote them
inside my heart
they keep stories like mine
and unlike mine,
a reminder that we’re all making art
and beauty out of our lives,
that we are making songs out of our days,
making our burdens and the things we carry lighter
and that we belong to each other.

one day (or night)
it hits you
(the feeling that you are not alone anymore)
and even though you were never afraid of
(loneliness)
you don't want to feel it anymore