She was alive
And then she died
So sudden so quick so poised
So fast it was no longer you and her

Be still
And rest your head
The new morning failed you
And collapsed at our feet

No longer will you sit up
Belong to use forever more
We will keep you here forever
For as long as it takes to see you again
When it's our turn
When it's our turn to run for our lives

Snow fell this evening
The first one you weren't here to see,
To live through a child's eyes
An open armed life

It settled this morning
Well it froze over
It was you
You dazzled us in your fall
But disappeared when you hit the road

You'll come back
Every year in the cold
We'll take you back when you're old
And my mum will lay with you in gold.

And I died
For you
Ended myself
For you

This isn't a word for you
But to acknowledge myself bloom
My roots are in such dire need
Of plants I need you soon

There isn't a word for you
Only the pill that started the pills
You're the chemical in my brain
That sent me spiralling into the blue

And I came for you
Little death inside
But I didn't weep for you
I cry until I turn myself blind

Wishing for the simple things
Instincts to pull up the blinds
Cover my face inside
I want hell to help me decide

And I'll die for you
I'm with my parents and you ****** me
And I'll end for you
I'm a burden on Christ your life so free

Someday, there will be no
memory of my mother.

And the day shall
come, where there will be no memory of me.

Would they go, towards time
in space?

Should our memories rise
up, to join memories of ancestors past?

To be held in the air, to
sing amongst cousin, aunt, friend, priest,
memories of others.

We fight battles across the sea
And across time
Across land and above the sky
Crossing each other, resisting the signs.

One word killed me
You sent me on the wind
I sent myself back
I confess I was blind.

You on my shoulder,
Tell my parents that I love them
And if you go before me
Know that I love you too
But if mine comes to soon
It would be my own undoing
For you never loved me in words
Only in stolen feelings did we part.

A suicidal pact in my head
Only if we go at once
As one
Would we ever be together
I'm sorry for your loss
You should tell your parents and brother
I'm sorry
I did this to us.

I'm grateful for our eternal yearn
And sick with the child that never learns.

I can do it
Place myself there

Won't be present in it's feelings
But I can do it
To hear my sweet wedding bells.

Sometimes I walk
And often I live

But I kneel at your song bird
Clutch it in my hands
Hoping to never feel afraid

They are known to be like that
Their incessant screaming is hell
Yet they the loudest in their minds

Give me your full emotional force
To stop it squirming
And leave me to die, would you be so kind?

You placed me in here
And I love it

Won't be present in it's singing
Could I do it?
Could I really?

Present on my wedding day
You sang on my wedding day
You the song bird

You and I know we can't stay here
To hear our sweet wedding bells
But I'll kneel at your song bird
Do not regret

Do not stay

Talk softly
Otherwise wake me
Tell me how you feel
Set me free

Speak softly
Don’t wake me
Keep me from my bed
My sheets make me scream

Close the window
Quickly shut your blinds
Compare this to mine
It’s ever so kind

Speak softly
Don’t wake me
Tell me how you feel
Set me free

And now I’ll let the light in
The neon glow
Punches through my glass
Please, let me stay
And finish how we dance below

Speak softly
Do not ever wake me
I wait for this moment
When you’ll set me free

Speak softly
Don’t wake me
Tell me how you feel
Set me free.

God is destiny
Not as he is the end and future,
But what he does to people,
Blaming god for their lives and
Celebrating the end as their destiny.

The loose bed sheets is the chasm we
Hide in
Underneath the bed of the white river.

Cleaning the air we can now
Feel the wind in our hair

Beyond the fan is the man sitting on the
Chair
Delivering comforts with water

The pillars are made of my legs
I stretch and stretch until I tremble, until
The temple collapses and I

Have to face the day
With vigour and a lust for learning beyond
My castle dream of prisons.

The father of our child becomes obsessed
And forgetful,
Letting his new life eclipse the things that
Made up his old life.

You came to me in a state of euphoria and
Bliss,
I came back at you for you to apologise
You demon.

How could he have known how much he
Had left me wilted,
Now there’s little use in watering my soil
But at least give me a burial.

There’s so much I could say regarding
Your deals with the unholy,
So much you made me do to try and undo
What happened.

It took months to come back,
And now I just hate at the sight of
Pleasure for myself.

I can only see your hand but you forgot
You had hands back then,
If you had been in an accident I would’ve
Taken them from you.



On the Thursday you told me you loved
Me,
However the Tuesday was exceptionally
More romantic.

I left you to be oppressed by your parents
And squashed by your own head,
Yet you want to talk to me and I say you
Know but you forget.

I’d take your hand if you were here,
Destroy them and inhale.

The tragic air of someone
you love,
Expels the fiery and watery
deaths,
And instead attracts a much
simpler end.

Missing the first light
night of summer.
The birds never fed decide to go
someplace else.
Left alone in the last snowfall of my
first year.

No more early mornings where
we don’t even see each other,
And when we swapped positions for the
goodnight,
It marked the beginning of
the end.

I know this may sound sombre but it’s
precious.
You’ll leave behind so much, if only the
other life would
allow your possessions.
The books most of all, I don’t know how
but I shall get
through them in my first year.

I didn't realise how large your hearts was
Until you opened up the sky
Killed us
And let it rip open the clouds
And there you are
Of the three stars, the middle is you

Such a vast pool to get lost in
For your head to bounce along
There you can paddle in the sea
Worship magical beings

It's this night you said goodbye
A day of rest after a day of rapture
The sky spread
And opened your glorious portal
How high do planes fly
Well now you know you were out of your mind

You're not back here just yet
Don't worry about us because you're quite done
A celestial force intertwined
With our empty void
Spiralling into chaos

Leave a flicker in the air.

It’s so hot in here
My skin’s going to give up
I’m sick of the air
Food’ll **** me one day

In a disorder
I’ll find my friends
But I’m so tired
I might just make it the end

This isn’t paranoia
I’ve seen it with my eyes
The men will break us down
Eat and leave us covered in flies.

The heels are the ones.
You can’t go on stage without heels,
You’d have to be mad.

But she is mad.
Mad that she’s bound to this world,
With the voice of a siren and the heart of
a rose,
She gets pulled in too deep to make any
recovery.

But she’ll get out.
She’ll rise higher than each time she falls,
Begging the songs to manifest with
beauty,
And to forever be idolised,
As she has idolised her whole life.

There’s so many things I want to but will not do in front of you *******.
                                No you don’t deserve it,
It isn’t handled within yet outside alone.

                                Mobbing and torching the whole way home, swimming.
                                Trembling in anger,
So much you’ll vanish and suffer yet recall.

                                 The kindness comes from their throats
And the face is the highest facade.
                                 The unwanted affection of strangers is elevated,
When they have knowledge of who you are. 

                                 What’s the use of spite originated satisfaction,
If it doesn’t quench any thirst or curb any craving.
                                 Like a bird ******,
Or any revenge.

                                 My real form is the poems,
The layering an example of my ever extending souls.
                                 But impossible is to be shaped so perfectly by creators,
That these are not perfect themselves.

                                 Instead, vulnerability,
And magic!
                                 And my god I use my my my far too much,
The only way I know how to **** is to **** through my heart. 
               
                                 And **** har d er th an e ver t h a n yo u kn ow y ou c an, 
Though these broken letters I ramble.
                                 Never again,
I’ll never talk again for I am speechless.

Two black plains
Hover above my slumber
Breath life into me
Tether me to the world

They’ll try to fetch me out
I’m far too in my home
Bound to my pillow
Too far gone to be dragged out

Come for me in a car
At my window I’ll jump
Bombard through the chains
Sail through my sky of night

Be gone every creature
That has wronged me so intensely
But welcome the new life
They feel they can know me.

There is an ugly nakedness about me today.
I don’t know what it is or its whereabouts.
The nature; once taking over my body
Now hindered by my spray, my longing ness to find
Myself this month.
I ventured outside and pondered my art
Barely and bare chested, desired the wind to hit and curve and slither around my soft edges.
Taking a look I saw shadows of my ribs,
But a shadow of which I couldn’t before.
Most windows do not speak to me like this one
Half was right
Half was wrong.
I wanted my life to end there and then.
To be pretty in death is to be immortalised in every wilted rose.

I’ve spent the last few years perfecting my
speech,
Learning to emote eloquently
Like leading the rapids through stones.

I refuse to feel without meaning;
The water doesn’t cut through without
force so
It doesn’t gush through at once
silently.

Yet I stumble over my words,
Tripping so I lose them forever,
Oh but I know they were words of
use.
But meaning isn’t something to pass on,

It is to transfer
An energy that has no form yet such
force.
Rising from the feet to envelop the
Curses from our mouths.

Like water, words can ****.
Pulling sailors under in such intense
ferocity,
Hammering down on their chests and
invading their hearts.

We
A shattering conversation,
Rippled the slate from the roof
And unrelenting force,
Appeared a mighty crack in every glass.
One that opened everywhere
And pointed towards the future,
An untethered hope
An untamed will to live,
To love, as much
As flames conquer buildings of the strongest foundation;
The wind won’t blow it down
Only the relief secures it’s demise,
And his eyes are a dam
In this moment its an avalanche,
Freezing your collapse
Frozen in space,
The foundation is lost in time.

Why, when happy, I cannot write?
My hand seizes up
As it runs on spite.

A limit of wrath
Has pumped it’s last breath
My heart is full, now it’s following my path.

Now I don’t even think
The wretches I have seen
So long burning fury, it’ll cause me to sink.

I won’t stay this way
I know it’ll be short lived
But I once I build a field
I’ll wait and I’ll survive.

I revisited you in my dreams
And you killed me again
Both of you held huge rifles
I held the flag of mercy,
Waved it frantically
Flashing white and red from your
Red lips
Hungry lips from a
Gaping hole down down
Down into my eternal
Abyss, you hold the chain that I hang from,
Swing me around
Tied at the thigh, crushing my crotch
Touching my crotch
Long spindly fingers as the chain.

These fingers cannot work a sewing machine,
And so we met in class
That was all that happened, you made
Eye contact
Smiled
Laughed
Killed, shot me in the head,
If only I returned the favour
Only that your ghost would be ever more present,
Hovering above my bed
With a gun against my head.

When I think I'm with it I rarely am
Terrified of the consequence of sound
I myself am afraid of you
And I am afraid of myself
But still it hurts more
When alone
I hear my own blood flow
A lonely sound
But loud and abrasive
Continuous upside down
A boiling ***
Of contempt and ruin
Singles me out for selection
When you don't see me crawl
Down beneath the ground
Just know that I beg for affection.

Touch me but don't
Hurt me
I've been hurt so many times
So my skin resents me
Like a house on fire
I'll topple when you burn my beams.