There are days where I do not know
Anything but, "I love you, Lord."
And when it seems I can't bear it most,
I turn to you Oh, Lord.
I am not perfect.
I am a mess.
But I am complete.
In Christ the one who rescued me.

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized just how much I love your hello,
that cute little smile you give me from across the room,
the tight embrace you hold me in every day,
and the way your eyes search deep into mine.

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized just how much I treasure our times,
the laughter we share over nothing and everything,
the waves of affection and amazement that pour over me,
and telling you every part of my innermost thoughts.

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized that I wasn't ready to yet.

I miss the bright blue hair that doesn't stand out.
I miss the croaky voices when we all decided to shout.
I miss the midnight raves in all of their madness.
I miss the people being free and just pure happiness.
I miss just the people and how amazing they are.
I miss the walk to the village 'cause we're all too young to drive a car.
I miss the henna on my arms which instantly washed away.
I miss the pride march and queer disco all of which were pretty ******* gay.
I miss the ****** baloons 'cause why the **** not.
I miss the one ******* girl who I didn't tell was hot.
I miss the political jokes and the question time Q&A.;
I miss the jokes about consent and the woodcraft way.
I miss the workshops on politics, on science, on the war (against fracking).
I miss everything including the café and folk suply store.

How could you do this to me?
Not only did you lie to me,
You manipulated me --
Twisting your words
Until it was what you thought I wanted to hear.
All I ever wanted was the truth!
You destroyed me --
When I found you'd lied,
Nothing else made sense
Your words were all the same,
Sugar coated just to benefit yourself.
Not one thing you did was for me!
And now, I doubt you --
I doubt you ever had true love for me.
Everything you claim is real,
How do I know it's no different than before?
When you said it over and over again,
Digging your own grave,
With each and every sentence,
How do I know you're not just lying again?
How could you do this to me,
Making me doubt myself and everyone around me.

no matter how many times you say it
"i need you"
doesn't hold a candle to
"i love you"
and no matter how much
you needed me
you never really loved me

I just want a hug
No questions
No whys
Just hold me for a few seconds
Let me feel your peace
And calm my soul

You don't even know
What you do to me
What your words can cause me to think
You don't even know
How you make me feel
How I just want you to say what you never will say
You don't even know
That I go to bed crying
That my tears reflect what I never could say

Losing a friend,
it's the hardest part.
Sure, my heart aches,
and the tears stain my face.
But the worst feeling, the most pain,
comes from knowing
I'll never have my best friend back again.