boys are mindless, they're like bulls

they see two flags, one that's being tossed around violently in the air and one that is being fluttered about gently
they are used to the one that flutters, they've seen it being waved violently, that's how it first got their attention. but the violent wave can only last so long, the matador will eventually get tired of violently waving the flag and it will get used to the bull's temper and only wave it violently when it needs to
the bull takes longer to recognise that just because the matador is fluttering the flag, doesn't mean that the violent wave is gone. it's just being kept for when it is needed most. so the bull, only being drawn to what the surface level shows, leaves the fluttering flag and the matador and charges towards the violently flowing flag.

but, little does the bull know that that flag will soon end up fluttering too because no flag waves violently forever and when the bull realises this, they will realise the mistake they made when they left the first matador and run to the flag that has a sword hidden underneath.

love isn’t meant to be something we can track
doesn’t start at point a and end at point b
it’s not a pin point on a map but more like a flame
like the flames on the candles we light on church alters
there’s always at least one that is lit and some that have long burnt out but you couldn’t say when they did
love is the flame on the candle you forget is lit until one day it just blows itself out and all that remains is the smoke that billows and the ash of ember
love is something that should not be named
nor trapped in a box of what it is supposed to be but rather set free, like birds from a cage
for love is a shape shifter and contorts itself in different ways for every person you meet and every heart beat that arises, no to loves are the same and that’s what makes it so dynamic
love is a monster, a mystery an undefinable beast and yet, love is synonymous to all that we value most in life and the most sought after thing
love is the sin we all fall victim into partaking in

slow dance with me  
i’ll bust out the old record player
place the album we used to love by day in and day out
the vinyl’s worn down, full of scratches and slightly lopsided from the constant wear and tear of the needle
it repels being placed on the turn tables, but i get it to fit
the needle hits and the sound is never quite right
all the damage caused to it has changed the melody from harmonic to cacophonic
nevertheless, we dance
ignoring the utter clarity that the record’s shanty melody casts upon us
that we, much like the record, are destined to break at the scratch of a needle
that we have slowly become equivalent to the album that rings in our ears and fills our tumultuously silent house
we both know this to be truth, however we refrain from acknowledging our impending doom and ignore it for an ignorance we try to convince ourselves is true
the needle runs off the record
our feet slow to a halt
the sound of a needle hitting dead wax fills the room
and we dissipate back into the ignore we so desperately need to be true

silence, silence so primitive that it begs to be heard
begs for attention, for you to notice what it’s trying to tell you
but alas, silence is still white noise in empty space
everything goes left unheard

conversation, conversations that escape from soft lops like birds from a cage
aching to be free in the world, to be heard, to be noticed
words creating a cacophony, so hard to miss any that are firing out from our canon mouths
but the words you were aiming never hit bullseye, they got left unspoken

actions, actions that you could retrace all the way back to love
the imminent need for touch, a graze of calloused fingertips against smooth arms
the lack of personal space between your body and mine
eyes flickering to every target some other body part is trying to make contact with
alas, actions got misconstructed, they got left unnoticed

conclusion, conclusion of the un-phenomenon
hands locked around my waist, twist so we’re face to face
eyes locked on target, heart rates hitting a hundred
cataclysmic sparks, a new un enters the plot
unexpected response, he goes in for another
the un-phenomenon comes to an expected ending

drape the silk over my eyes
tie the blindfold tight
take away my eyesight, i’m not one to see what lies inevitable anyway

whisper distractions in my ear
buzzing around like a misquote
constant ring of you know how much i love you
carry on buzzing, make my sanity dissipate

watch as my arms begin to try and swat you away
see the vulnerability, perfect time to tell the truth
the love buzz changes into let me *******
four months four months buzzing in my ears
the constant sound of pleading to end your self diagnosed suffering

the swatting becomes a rapid fire attempt to shut the buzzing up
you only get faster, little bug
the buzzing becomes a permanent ring in my ears
even long after it’s gone, i still hear it loud and clear

so tie the silk tight
buzz in my ear
until my sanity breaks and your sexless suffering is all i hear

why’s it so hard
why’s it so hard
an ultimatum hangs in the air
so thick it fills our lungs like cigarette smoke
the drug that lies within the ultimatum and cigarettes is the girl you cheat on me with
inhale her into your lungs
let her infiltrate parts of you that i will never have access to
she’s ruining us
breaking a home that was built on foundations that could withstand any disaster that crossed its pass
all to be cracked right down the centre by a home-wrecker who had always lay hidden away in the concrete
it’s her or me
no magic eight ball can decide your fate

with each kiss i can feel you slipping through my finger tips
everyone time i say i love you
i can see the pain behind your eyes
telling me that there’s no possibility that i could love thee
because i cannot relinquish myself to thee

with each embrace i can feel my bones breaking under the pressure
they snap so easily when you hold me closely
an escape mechanism, trigged by my innate reaction to flee
already picturing the way in which you’ll leave me

sooner or later, you will be gone
even though you tell me that there isn’t a chance you’d leave over something as elementary as abstinent
but the tape plays on repeat in my mind
like a broken VHS, stuck on the same scene
you finally break and go off with someone who can give you what i refuse to
leaving me alone, just like all the other skeletons before who had beautiful bones
and i, wither down further
my skeletal bones that have long been broken, start to crack
and with each repeating scene, my broken bones disintegrate
leaving behind a pile of ash.