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 May 2019 Francisco Ortiz
I don't think I know everything.
In fact, I know I don't
but I wish I knew what I know now,
and I wish I could know what I don't know,
but I don't know what I don't know,
and that's frustrating.
I don't know
That day I saw you again, after 3 years,
I should have walked away.
No I should have RAN away,
as fast as my legs would take me…
But I didn’t.
I was drawn to you once again.
And before I knew it I was brought back into your world.
Where we would spend lazy days laying in bed joking,
as if we never spent time apart.
I let myself fall for you.
With your beautiful brown eyes and lips that were perfect for kissing,
I yearned to be held in your arms.
But as much as I loved you,
you couldn’t love me.
I was willing to give you anything.
If you would please
But love can not be forced
or demanded.
You did not love me.
I couldn’t understand why you didn’t care about me
and you couldn’t understand why I was hurt.
And there we stood,
at a standstill.
We were both there, but it was like we lived different stories.
I didn’t want to leave,
but I had to leave,
because the more I gave to you,
the more I lost of myself,
and I was almost disappearing.
She's gone,
but my heart's still beating
Must not have been a big throng
Cause my mind is deceiving
I have my wrongs
But my life does have meaning
With this kush I blow this ****
With this stone I keep my hone
Make this session long
I can take just being alone
But hey, I know my imperfections.
And hey! I know your sick confessions!

And here's a confession of mine,
I could never have loved you either way.

The pen is indeed mightier than the sword.

Good outlet for anger too.
No right way to love
But don't tell me you know how to love when you run for your life every time you're not receiving the same kind of love,
That's nothing but selfish love…  
Don't tell me you know how to love when you can't carry your lovers pain on your back,
That's nothing but selfish love…
Don't tell me you know how to love when you keep trying to save yourself from heartbreak,
That's nothing but selfish love…
Don't tell me you know how to love when you know nothing but selfish love…
Don't try convincing me on your form of love when you know nothing about selfless love,
When you know nothing about giving in and loving without mercy

All I know is that it's not meant to be pretty
And it's not meant to be sugar-coated

Emotional connection was never meant to be pretty…

Not exempt from fears
Not exempt from tears

Not beautiful if not bizarre
Not beautiful if not chaotic

So why are you still insisting that love be so sugar-coated?

So now…
Remove the sugar coat,
And let me lie within you,
I'll just feel you…

- F. V.
Don't trust your eyes cause they can deceive you
they'll make you believe you, as if you couldn't be you
and the monsters in my room are a perfect example
"American Dream" another example
Pathological liars… Why are we all being lied to ?
Things that were there weren't really there,
and it was all because I was unaware
My mind is louder than the monsters in my closet,
but aren't they also part of it ?
Self-created psychosis, fed by our shared demons
because these people…
And my people are in pain, and all you do is sit and pray
Do you not see that you're the prey ?
because these people have a blindfold that's made up of fears,
now covered in tears
Why are we making them so omnipotent?
Are you unaware that we're all fucken human?
All just as powerful
All just as evil
What is even "superior"?
Now look, you've made the devils so superior
You've made God so superior, you even make him sound evil
Don't you see that all you do is empower them,
when all they do is unpower one
Can't you see that we are one?
They're nothing without the people being something
We're living in a lie because were made believe that if we cant beat them we gotta join em',
but that's just their form of brainwashment
So are you with me when I say that I don't get it?
That I don't get the violence,
what ever happened to the kindness?
were suppose to be united
but Twain was so right…
we might just be "The Lowest Animal"…                                -Frida V.
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