I am not flawless nor do I claim to be

I am proud of the fact that I am a woman in deed

My body isn't small in fact I'm wide

I have large hips and a full chest

I am not one of these girls that walk around and pretend to be unreal

Nor do I want to be perfect because skinny girls hurt too

It dont make you any prettier than me

When a man holds me he can feel complete

I will represent all that is true

That loving someone regardless of there size is the TRUTH

Shredding the curtain of neurotic tendencies
Encased, shackled, and unsettled
Fatigued into a overflowing trench of hysteria
Savaged patterns are reborn, whirling and plunging into the womb
Maddened with the thirst for bruised flesh
I'm twitching as the voice of evil speaks
Liquid cruelty oozes from my skin
Repugnant and vile fragments of you dip inside of me

I am a woman

Proud of me

Afraid to take chances because of what could be

I am only 32 a mother of three

Been hurt so much its like a ******* disease

My heart is good I mean well

I love too quickly and learn slow

My soul is uneasy

My hair is a mess

My eyes are blue I like them the best

I try to be honest and have lots of faith

Sometimes its hard and it causes me to ache

I am who I am and nothing more

Either you like me for me

Or you can go out the door

I can be to loud at times and push you to the extreme

I can be wild and I can be meek

I am a women of all sorts

This is what defines me

I will not be ashamed

I shall overcome the fears I have

Facing them all along the way

I may not be delicate or sweet

I am not thin or tall

What I am is unique

Not afraid to show

What's  important

What makes my soul

Is it the way my blue eyes sparkle

The way my body dances when your near  

Or is it something more sincere like a smile or a look  

Maybe its that you make me feel beautiful inside

That I am far from perfect except in your eyes

You see me from a whole different point of view

That in your world I am the princess the dream come true

But deep inside my very spirit are things that only  you discover

And with that I shall adore you like no other

I knew him and he existed so quietly
I can’t see him yet I can  feel him
He is surrounding me everyday
Looking over me watching my children so silently yet so cautiously
Ensuring they are protected and remain innocent for as long as possible
I can  hear his voice in the raindrops and see his shadows in the darkness
Every know and then I can smell him and I recall  being a child
The time when I was  youthful and  carefree
When I had diminutive problems that seemed so large at the time
Yet you always comforted me and made me realize one day I would forget
The little things that didn’t matter anymore
Then I grew up and you were there in every corner of my heart
Sometimes we didn’t accord with each other yet that was okay
You taught me to be myself and even how to fight
Many times I disappointed you by  doing things I know you didn’t like
But we couldn’t separate because we were father and daughter
All the memories I have are like dust inside my heart and we are together
Yet so far apart
The sun don’t shine quit as bright as it use too
When you left you took a big piece of me with you

In the room where I lie down watching the machines hooked up to you

Veins that  look like they could cry

I wonder if this is what it feels like being a victim

Somehow so unaware I wish it could end

They poke at you many times a day

Your insides eaten away

Medicines that are suppose to heal  they hurt and harm your spirit

Why do I feel like this is so unfair such a short time

In a world that suppose to be so big

Nothing to settle the true pain of whats inside my heart

The torment you endure daily

Comes with ease from you

I try to settle my mind with thoughts of being able and cured

My body is feeble not my mind

These eyes know more than you think they do

Dont let this old weathered face fool you

I am sharper than I look

The hallways are so long although they go nowhere

I close my eyes and dream of being young

Skating, running and being  foolish having fun

Moments that I  imagine so vividly and true

My friend in the bed next to me told me stories of war and hurt

Saving others lives and working the front line

Seeing people die right in front of your eyes make you aware

We talked about what life was in the good old days

We seen each other undressed and were not ashamed

At night time we would chat for hours on end

You were my only friend

I love and miss that old guy

A man comes in dressed in black

Has a gurney with a velvet cloth

They cover my old friend with just a sheet

Cover his eyes now he cant see

Pick him up with no gentleness

Just take him away like he was nothing

After he is gone I watch out the window

The hearse is gone yet the tracks from the gurney remain

Fresh in the snow two thin lines

That carried him away

Tommorow I will have someone new

In the mean time I wish I could go be with

In the church grounds my dress lifted up
Eggshell skin, knees unsound
Where lovers are stitched together
I wanted something to fill my mind?
You filled me with unmoral thoughts
The ocean of our language was delicate nectar
I held hands with the clouds , as you held the power
On patches of dirt where birds had laid I undress
Fragile as a robins egg, opening my mouth to be fed
If I sprouted feathers would I fly away?
Trembling hands but I was always reassured
At times the yellow sheet under the apple tree felt like love
You tell me I'm helpful and dependable
I think of sunshine and fireflies
Put me in a jar keep me safe free from scars
I feel voiceless this Sunday afternoon
I have always been taught to respect and listen to my elders
You tell such beautiful lies
The spine  of the bible is wounded with lovers lace
Blue-veined fingers became familiar with my breast
A gold band rests upon my pelvic bone sunken like a peaked *****
I collect the mucus and blood the eye of the needle is to small
Some things can never be sewn back up

Wearing the shadows of history
Smothering the hands of thunderstorms
I'm sea sick from the electric rummage in your bones
A bell tower dress tied to my fingertips
Stacking you in the silence of fading manuscripts
An vacant canvas motives my grave
Church steeples, poet healer
Map of the sky, sleep in your lullaby
You're my paper weight

As the sea of music tangles your spine
We dance together yet alone
Drowning and dancing in the blood beneath my veins
Fractured porcelain skin, stained-glass eyes that failed
As a kaleidoscope of debris plays war with my  mind
I wear the scent of you as a necklace

Fading alive in this sleepless time
                                   Erasing the roads that I  have climbed
                                    Lines tucked away
                                    As I crave bravery