Its 2 A.M. I'm falling through the door
There you are fast asleep
Angry with me without having to speak
I 'm trying to be clean
Dropped my purse tonight lost half my pills
Good serves you right
Your not pretty when you smell like beer
Lost a high heel again tonight
Covered in bruises don't tell me your sick
You look like a strung out **** star
How many free drinks you get tonight ?
You use to be thin now your turning into a cow
Why the whiskey that sours your breathe?
Smell like smoke look like hell
Go to sleep you little *****

I sit in the pew
Early Sunday morning
Looking at everyone dressed so nice
With thoughts invading my mind
Some are impure yet, I continue to pray
With my hands trembling
I wish he knew
As little children try not to make a sound
They stomp their little feet upon the ground
There parents say hush
I really hope you are here
Watching over me in this cruel complicated world
If he knew I was here
I would be black and blue
This is the only place, where I feel peace and new
Among people who really care
Not like him with his commands
As he would yell sit in that chair
Dinner can't be cold or else I would get it
I had to do everything for him on command
I make the trip home after church
Feeling a little better, I had some time
He will be home soon with whiskey on his lips
Then he would force me to kiss
Its the same old story all over again
I prepare the house and lunch for him
I can't eat my stomach hurts again
He was so rough when he took me to bed
My thighs are bruised and my *******
I have impure thoughts that God may not like
But I want to destroy this man
I don't want to lose my sense of faith
I hear his truck come up the drive
It takes several minutes for him to step inside
He slams the porch door, and stomps his feet
So angry not like little children's feet
My heart starts to race, as he approaches me with a raised fist
He don't hit me instead he laughs
Calls me a coward and a *******
What is for lunch he asks with a grunt?
I say I made some soup and ground sandwich spread
Well he replies,  I know what your going to eat
He says sit in that chair
As he unzips his pants
They fall quickly past his waist
He shoves my face into his groin
Good girl work me until I finish
My stomach is churning with the taste of him
When he is done he says, later you will do it again
As I go to stand up,  from the chair he hits me out of nowhere
Next time you need to act like you enjoy it you hear?
I shake my head and eat my tears
As the week past
I attended church
Sat in the same pew
Looked at children so innocent and sweet
With my trembling hands and my nervous feet
This was not going to happen again
And God already knew
I have tried so hard to please you
God I know thou shall not ****
But please allow me a place in heaven
Because hell is where I live
With my sore ribs and blacked eye, I trudge home bible at my side
I prepare lunch and wait for the door to slam
That taste of him that makes me sick
But today is different and he don't know
I have his 30 odd six he uses for deer
If only he knew
After he eats and goes to sit in his chair
He starts to drift off from to many beers
That whiskey kiss that I won't miss
I take that 30 odd six he uses for deer
Put it to his head, and say wake up dear
Now its my time to make this right
You put me through hell and tried to ruin my life
I close my eyes for just a second
And fired that gun
As the blood rushed out of him ,he fall off the chair
Well God I know that was not right
But I would rather sit in jail , then be confined here with him
I will serve my time that is nothing new
So sick of being abused
He is laying on the floor,his blood starts to ooze
I don't want to waste my time watching you die
I have my lunch and feel as free as a bird
I have strength
I never knew
When I called the local police
They came to the house and he was already dead
I confessed what I did so they took me in
My heart felt heavy but no remorse
He was not a man he was evil and unkind
You may of bruised my sense of body and mind
But I'm going to be stronger with you gone
You will not ever erase my faith  
If only you knew

Five years ago today you departed this earth
5 years, 5 months, 5 minutes, 5 seconds, they all conjoined instantaneously, so conveniently
I don't  recall the day of the week , the time of the day
Although I memorized  the confines of your face,  your rugged unwavering  hands
Your guttural voice often immigrates within my head
When I soul search, I look for you
The fading  air that I begged you could take  
Fretfulness settled into the restristed room, submerging into wetlands
Incomprehensible grief as we bathed in tears
Prayers were addressed to our ears
Gentle brushes against your skin just to feel your warmth
I thought what is the sound of a heartache?
Because I knew at that moment even sorrow knew  grief
Having no words for my own mother who lost a son
Knowing that there were three brothers and now one is gone
Recognizing how delicate brothers can be, yet unbreakable

I envision you discovering fistfuls of copper
A sacred river that delivers  peace  and there's  berries to pick
With sawdust on your fingertips and a smile upon your face
The fish are  always biting, and you can always hunt deer
Rings of kaleidoscope colors paint the sky, calmly on the shore

Hands feel the integrity
On the path of repairing
Ancient magnetic rain
Poetry and peace go wayward
A box of earth holds my core
The frosted night grants me a kiss
Music begins to play in the perfect stars
A preserved cord with grace on her face
Memories filled with hours of infinite growth
Secure tranquility with a synchronized vow
As flowers seeds begin to flourish I arouse
I caress the stratosphere

Wilting erratic flesh
Digging into the earth
Whiskey dreams on a adderall tongue
Imprisoned, behind the air I hide
Trembling chest, purchased from the waste side

A skyway path to passion
Reflecting wings deep with fate
Poems extinguished the lonely times
Faith makes me return and wait
As I glide into a canvas with a perfect view

Ups and downs
Completely through and through  
Sad and happy
Mad and sad
Been all over no mans land
Been gone for so long
That grass grew and almost took it all
Can’t see the house I once called home
The trees need cutting its obscene
My roots are buried have you seen them here?
Sow them all over in that dirt if you see them again
Perhaps a bird came and flew away with me
I could just be alone under that fern
As bugs come and carry me away on a Sunday afternoon
I may even end up in the sea
Suspended and drifting to the bottom
Maybe I’m just dust

Dusk collapses the sunlight
The residue of my youth
Spilling clouds and existence of this dark place
Pushing to a boundless distance
Twisting into a famished prayer
Choking on teeth and a lovers obligation
Drowning veins misery drags me underneath
Repressed thoughts tight in my throat
The ocean of  sorrow painted by me

Insomniac neurons sailing through disillusioned lungs
Gorging on ******* limbs and uneven swallows
Pungent toxins confined on a land mine of intuition
Rupturing ****'s nesting into my grief
Vomiting up my own desolation's

Stomach full of dandelion knots, we collected in the rain
Poetry that feels  like bullets tearing my flesh away
I lived beneath your bones every day
Your words spilled like paint covering me whole
I realized I don't  like the taste of blood
Dislodging myself, I  smell words
Heartaches first kiss

The feel of tranquillity inside the walls
Engraved into the sky
As your passion for life unfolds
Counting your blessings
Inside of clouds you can dream
Lay with the creator of this creation

The trees stagger like drunken men
Wind craving salvation as the waves crash along the shore
Coldness surrounds me
Lay still so I can breathe
As the rage engulfs me

You oppressed, egotistical , ignorant,  uneducated , biased self
Living in the box of conformity
I want to stitch your tongue on the roof of your mouth to silence you  
I refuse to coincide to everyday traditionalist events
I won’t be a victim of  someone’s else’s mistake
Hostilities and intimidation it polluted you ***** little mind
There is nothing unique about  conventional clothes
Poverty ridden the abyss makes me rage
Dreaded emaciated void that overflows with pain
No one is thriving but this phantom pain that you feel is real  
Bleak and suddenly ill
I want to choke out the interior of your shame  
Gelatinous core swallows you whole
While you wear your American mask
This is your wasteland , desolate as your character
It interrupts with clatter as it fractures the earth
Covering you with splinters of despair

The fingertips of my mind are asleep  
As I consume the spoon of my wrongs
The dusty razors braid into my veins
Echoes swirling scars uprooting my flow
Mentally caging me

Heavy fog,  wrapped  in the valleys
Hands are pages that can be read
New art with a old heart
Standing in air,  without a breath to spare
Days have grown long , since we  clashed  with each other
Spinning without motivation
As a comatose path descends  
My lover is the soul of it all

Forgetting my name as it slips off your tongue
You Slaughter my soul and leave it for prey
Abandoning my love just another casualty your way
You massacre my mind hijacking my heart
Just another cadaver in your disease
The devastation you have provided me with can’t slip away
I’m immobile I have been through a defeat
Sabotaged all that I once believed
I Surrender I no longer continue to breathe

With the frailty of a butterfly

Books for warmth, fading out like old photographs

Antique white skin

Brassy bloodied cheeks

A swarm of dragonflies laces  my face

Ancestry nightfall, ghosts of the drowned

Faded gnarled patchwork, eating away my  mind

Limbs of the tree growing out of me

Divided from everyone else

Inside the pinwheel blindfolded
  
Wading through hours and days

A slave to this disease

It's the only one that I breathe

I float away from love letting it flee
Strolling after summer songs looking for relief
Through the nights of sweet blue birds
Under the daffodils I reside
Where the earth blossoms and hears my cries
We suppress a thousand years of lies
Her shadow sleeping in the wind
Storming over the raw language of love
Moaning with that dark drunk tongue
Always bitter with delirious skin
Torn petals on my flesh
Lick beneath the pink suit
Smooth whispers and the smell of the moon
As crushed flowers weep
Goodness still soars
As our dreams boil frantically together
We are bare yet never recover

Battered evenings
Poverty blues
Hysterical moon
Hopeless tears on the stoop of shame
Puddles of earth and stones
Melting, spilling veins on the postcards of dreams
Restless sorrows
Hoping for an escape
Hold fast to the hope of a ferocious truth
A tunnel of a roadside volcanoes
Broken bursts of fractures, blood and bones
On the windowsills that look to heaven
I reach for my amnesia fairies
Forever just beyond my reach

The music child tasting the sound
Tucking myself into this moment
As Jupiter lies under my bed
A slender moon brushes my cheek
Pine cone fingers made of blood root sap
Lace fireflies collect their thoughts in the silver maple trees

I surrender my fears
As I choke on the sinking sun
Startled with firefly's
As they pelt the earth
The copper leaves falling into a haze
Crisp and cracked with a hope for you
Slow nights full of passion
Our saliva eager and alive
Bursting into a lascivious famishment for my needs
As you sail up my vertebrae
Our hands indulge into this intimate life

Slaughtered agonies,
Afloat in my jagged saliva
My anguish anchors the arch that revealed me
Morally dispirited,  me breathing you
Hysteria smothering the hallucinations
Intoxication anxieties compounding
Into a hopeless staggering daze

At the age of eight you blew out your candles
At the age of eighteen you blew out your veins
At the age of twenty eight you blew out your brains

My somber heart that desires a bond that binds
Our exhausted hands feeble like the mind
As the hours grow near  
It begins to consume my core
Time is not a friend of mine
Behold this love of mine
Shaken and frightened  in the dark
A gasp of  hollow air
As a quiet beauty reflects time
Floating in circles through a hidden dream
Inspiring  paradisaical into a mystical place

Spilling my soul into static whispers  
My lover has hands of stone
Sailing into the smoke of my shame, oppressing my fate
The mouth of the river inhaling flames
Soulless shivering guts, laced with faded faith
Wandering into the depths of madness
A boundless existence
Intertwining reflections of the universe
Spoken fireflies slipping from the earth
Fractured heavens with poetic knots
Blossoms twisting in the field of the moon

Bloodied paperbacks, stolen vocal chords
Anguish smelling of smoke stains
With barred teeth and chapped lips
Onyx eyes and pallid seamed skin
Sharp cheekbones with a hawk nose
Strong confident hands eerily familiar
You offered me the universe you offered it all
My house of bones is eroding away
The ocean of demons wants to set fire to my heartbeat
You as my muse should collect the galaxies
Rediscover the abandoned worlds that live in my head
Astronaut sunflowers echo through my chest beckon my youth
As grief is my lover
I've muted my lungs

Eyelash bones swimming, into pockets of etched memories
As earths skin nourishes me with mother nature’s stone

We all live under the same sun
Glance at the same moon
But we can't seem to agree
What would happen if we didn't have to assert?
We all felt the same
We didn't feed the hurt so it didn't grow here
Practiced humanity and learned to give
What if ?

The cargo  of my rib cage is my inner sanctum
My hips are my homeland
I refuse to conform to conventional specification
My body is a garment that fits me perfectly
My throat is a canal, navigating, and nourishing
Bridges that nest across my thighs,  A channel of imperfections that I clutch and attain
The fabric of my ******* is frayed
Although I have nourished and  maneuvered sheepish mouths harboring at bay
Abounding the lifeblood of creation, embarking on this journey  of womanhood

I frantically need to know why your sightless?
You don’t envision color
But do you feel touch?
Can you define a vision?
Languor is what you’ll become
When you wont you let anyone in?
I know you feel faulted
And sometimes I deny
But why walk away? Perhaps it could die
I have tried to gather my dreams and carry them
But it consumes me and that is not what I wish
It is summery and light I need you so
  I need you to have sight
Closing my eyes enjoying  the fragrance of this earth
You could be the sea and I could be the shore
Keeping you safe on your way
The vestigial has begun to disintegrate
You can’t set back and fourth
We need to instill something that can be sincere  
And not set and wait
Because then it may be to late

Lonely, elusive,love
In a shapeless silhouette that saunters
In hands full of prayers
Beautifully fluttering to speak
Paper thin promises on the horizon of reprieve
Through broken sunsets and flowing streams
Twines made of a language I can't speak

Beyond colors beyond hope
I’m somewhere I may of forgot
I use to celebrate the life I knew
Embracing the moments of anew
When days seemed to never end
And the grass was soft and wet beneath my feet
Everything seemed so vibrant and new
When in mud puddles I could swim
I tried to reach the clouds
It never seemed so far away
I danced with the moon underneath the stars
Had no fear and no regrets
Nothing seemed problematic what an easier time
I didn't yet know the color of blood
Running down my chest
Scrambling onto my legs where it seemed to rest
I dreamed of flying as my arms flapped at my sides
With stick thin  wings and so much fight
In my mind I could fly
I didn't know how to resist
The wind kissing the curve of my youthful hips
I collected flowers and dandelions were the best
Not just a **** that nobody seemed to pick
But a rose that was lovely with delicate petals
Transformed into a life

A faded white bird of beauty
Flapping like stars of ice through the breeze
Empty eyes bellowing
Losing faith that should not be
Feeble attempts to leave the ground

Fluffing out his feathers with dedication
As the ghosts of his heart begin to ascend
Collecting clouds imaging the heavens above
The depths of the moonlight
Strange and shard like barb- wire
Death fogged the interpretation of this place
You lay still and cold
With strings tied to your face
Almost impossible to forgo these wings
As the atmosphere melts  on me
I descend into the breeze
Farewell with rust in my mouth
I go into a unstoppable wind

Beating wings of the caged butterfly
With powder so perfect and clean
Tears begin to stain my wings
Don't smother my veins
I need some time to evolve
Shed my layers
Gathering the strength I will need  
I'm becoming speckled with shades of green
If only you could see
He unobtrusively empties my grace
I try not to encur his madness
I do have eyes I can see

I'm heading north
I will not be returning in the fall
My fragile body will soar soon
Swaying in the powder blue sky
Drinking sweet nectar

In circles I begin to glide
Dreaming of escaping this space
The freedom was always there
I know it's not right
I return
My essence is splintered  can't you see

I slept in the air you had left
Your fingers embroidered my face
We did tarot cards and tea leaves
Stories of midwifes and past ancestors
We snowshoed  and sawed down our Christmas trees
Twenty years difference didn't mean a thing to me
You touched me as I opened the silence of fear
I tangled and tunneled  inside of you
You peeled back my needs

Porcelain prisoner
Ravage the secrets of the morning
Sail linger and bleed