My mom told me one day that she was surprised I had a personality
I'd always been so serious as a little girl
Head stuck in my books, shy and quiet as a single rain cloud all by itself

But I figured it out
I embraced my silly side
My rolling on the ground, wearing random objects on my head side
It's not really intelligent humor and sometimes it disappoints me
that I'm not funny

But it's me
I figured out another part of me

Now that's an accomplishment

You've got to learn to love your part in life

Like the alto, always background to the soprano
must to come to love the harmony
There's a base to every pyramid
And maybe it's more fun to hit the high notes,
but in the end, the support is what matters most

Like Atlas and the sky
You can't just give up and
let the clouds crash into Earth below

even when the sky is crushing you
even when its weight is digging you into the ground

You have to learn to love your prisons
dying flesh, a cage for your mind
that box they've drawn around you in thick black marker lines
Not to be crossed out

I'm not saying don't try to break through
Coffins are suffocating, what wouldn't you do for one more gasp of air?

I'm just begging you to be careful
where you step, you don't have a choice other than to be smart with this

You can take an eraser to those lines until your fingers bleed,
but erasers won't do anything to marker
You move even an inch and the whole pyramid might come tumbling down
Even Atlas had to get someone to take his place before he could escape

You'll set off alarms and traps before you make it very far
The police will escort you back where you belong
So while you're planning your next attempt to get beyond the walls
you might as well decorate them
and buy a couch, a bed, a stove, make yourself at home

It's a backup plan for if you never make it out
an over the counter pain reliever that works a good fifty percent of the time

You have to learn to love where you are

even if it's choking you
*even if it makes you want to die

The water splashes against my back
Warm, but as soon as it touches my skin, cold

My left cheek twinges, numb-ish
Oh my gosh, that means something doesn't it?
What is it a sign for again? Heart attack?
No, stroke. Oh my gosh, am I going to have a stroke?

That's ridiculous, you're seventeen.
But it could happen!
It's not a stroke. You're being stupid. It's just the anxiety.
I grimace at the glass door, feeling my face to see if it moves properly.

Oh my gosh, what if it was a spider?
I felt my toe catch on something before, that must've been it biting me.
It's a neurotoxin, I'm going to die soon.
I'm almost crying.
I thought you didn't care if you died.
I frantically slap my hands at the ground, but obviously, there's no spider there.

It could've gone down the drain.
Or I could've been bit before.
What about the creepy spider that lives by the basement stairs?
I bet I accidentally brushed by it, it bit me! I'm about to die!

You're insane, you know that right?
Breathe
It's nothing, random pains and feelings happen sometimes
It's going to be okay

It's going to be okay

Shapeshifters rarely have good intentions
They shift away right when you think you have them in your grasp
Elusive
Confusing, like bright lights flashed at your eyes

It's about losing control, pain drowning out the ceaseless stream of thought
It's about taking control, owning the power to give myself release

I wish you would all grab my arm and stop me
Yell in my face What the hell are you doing?
But I don't want anyone to know
Planned excuses, not deep enough for scars, clothes picked to cover up my crimes

Is this for me
or is this me begging for your help?

Did I copy this or did I choose it?

Shapeshifters are silent assassins
You never can tell what form they'll appear in,
there is no way to fight
before you know it, the points of their weapons have already dug

under your skin