Maybe I'm too willing
To share the intimate details of my life.

Maybe I'm too willing
To be the right person
for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe I use my dad as an excuse
to hold on too tight.

And I can't stop this thing my mind does.
This constant battle of what I want versus what I need.
What I want versus what I get.

I used to write down the things worth remembering.
The things I'd rather die than forget.
But now those things are in a box;
a box I don't open.

I've remembered enough.

He came to my house
Wearing his dark jacket and
Cold fingers
With no prior notice.

The doorbell echoed at
Nine oh six
And my mom said she'd get it.

I was watching Netflix
And shoveling semi-melty
Ice cream into my mouth.

He said hi to my mom
And he rushed up the stairs
Into my laundry-flooded bedroom

He wrapped his arms around me
So tight that I wasn't keen to let go.

He smelled like bitter outside
And broken trees
And choking regret.

I smelled like
Fake roses
And ***** pajamas
That were freshly cried into.

My shirt sleeves were wet.

When he kissed me,
I tasted like
The aftermath of
Black cherries
And sad music.

He tasted like love.

I'm going to write a poem off the top of my head.
Not sure what I should write, or what should be said.
I sit at this computer, with thoughts flooding through my mind.
Hoping that if I write them out, my fear I'll leave behind.

You see...

I am afraid of everything, but I seem to hide it well.
For most who seem to know me, would not be able to tell.
I tuck my fear inside myself, and go about my day.
If you were to ask how I am, I'd smile and say "okay".

But maybe that's what I'm to do, is keep it all inside.
Take my secrets and bury them, and go away and hide.
For now my shell is all I have, the safest thing I own.
What is a person left to do, when it's their only home?

So if you ever look my way, and see sadness in my eyes;
Keep on going and don't look back, I'll be in my disguise.
For if I see that you noticed, then I will turn away;
And if you were to look again, I'd be smiling and okay.

Dear Friend,

Please remind me to tell her "next time don't let me go."

She told me I could stay and I left.

Love always,

Andrew

She's no
Fragile
*******
Flower

She'll plant
Seeds
in
sanity

And grow
Through
Telepathic
Psychopathy

Passed
the
past
too rough
for diamonds

What didn't **** her
made her outpower
her ego

And she sent her soul
To cocktease
my cognitive construct
in haunting hallucinations

The girl next door
frantically feeling me up
via shared consciousness

She
suppressed
this obsession
So she's always
locked in my mind
like a ***** secret

She holds
the key
like a
cuckold

constricting roots
to hold me down
to Earth
with
no
release

She's
a wild
*******
flower