it takes a certain amount of pain in other’s eyes
to convince me of their vulnerability
I guess that’s why some women think their type is broken men
Maybe it’s because I’ve been making space for them
The vulnerable
the lost
a comfortable place of rest in my heart
filled with all my favorite songs and art
I’ll read to you until you fall asleep
if you hurt that badly
all you have to do is show up on my doorstep
slightly turn toward me sadly
And know all I want is to lift you up if you’ll let me

In my mind
you tell me you wish I would tell you
how I feel about you more
instead of hiding it away in poems
that I don’t always show you
But that’s a level of vulnerability I’m not willing to give
It wouldn’t help
I protest
unless you’re as confused as I am
you probably are in a way
let’s be honest
I’m only thinking about this because you seemed disappointed
It probably wasn’t over something I could have prevented or helped with
But I think you wanted certain words
and you didn’t receive them
Maybe you were just sad
sad to be leaving

like honey dripping down
golden pathways to a sea of spiced tea
like the cinnamanly smells curling up
to caress my face
Like the deep red liquid firey below
with hints of home and rest and apples
excitement in the cold unknown
You are a rare delight for ears and sight

I’ve longed to forget you
I’ve prayed for my mind to erase your name
I ask to hold lessons and memories untainted
As slowly you become a little less
I realize so many people don’t get to forget
Faces, hands, smells, pain
are burned
DEEP
DOWN
their neural pathways are trenches to abusers names
I’ve got it easy
Someday soon I will not think of you for a day
then a week
then a month
And I will ask “who?” when they suddenly bring you up
You’ll be a subject long dusty
crumbling away