From the time that Billy was a kid
There was evil in the things he did
His mama knew it
And I knew it too

I told her that he needed help
I tried to avoid this evil whelp
I had to find out
Something I could do

Billy's teachers said he's bad
In fact the worse kid that they had
They sent him home
And kicked him out of school

I told his mama, he can't be mine
She blamed the Mogen David wine
we had when
we were on our honey moon

As he grew up, he wouldn't change
He'd spend his time out on the range
doing things
we didn't want to know

I told his ma, I've had enough
We can't keep hiding from this stuff
the folks about
will run us out of town

It's bad enough when I go for beer
The bartender serves me with a sneer
And the other's look away
Or just look down

I know Billy has a dedication
To certain kinds of medication
But nothing ever helps
The way he acts

We can't blame the Mogen David wine
I said Ma, I think it's time
That Billy left
and that's the facts

Mama cried, but knew the truth
He couldn't live beneath our roof
Or we'd end up
in an early grave

One night I went and said to Billy
You may laugh, and think I'm silly
but, son you have a week
you have to go

Billy nodded and kept on eating
This was a short,  family meeting
He looked at me
and said real slow

Pa, I know you don't love me
And ma as well, it's plain to see
We ain't the same
and I ain't moving on

I didn't argue, just got up
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sup
I had to end this
I had to get a gun

I knew I couldn't take him down
But, I'd find someone around the town
someone who would
Rid me of my child

No one came to help us out
I even gave the lord a shout
Help us god
our kid is just too wild

A fellow came, in a week, ten days
His name was Pat, to change Bills ways
He said he'd help
tomorrow night

He faced down Billy at high noon
Bill, dropped like a lead balloon
His ma and I just knew
That this was right

Pat, said things will work out fine
It wasn't Mogen David wine
that made Bill bad
It's just the way of life

He rode off in the setting sun
He'd killed our boy with his six gun
with Billy gone
it's just me and my wife

Lay next to me stare into the abyss/
Hearing you breathing, a heart beat I did not miss/
Just relax babe while I set the record, play the hits/
      Drift away, lay away, they stay away, we have our fits/
                                                                ­ Tell me about your family, when was the last time you saw your little sis?/
You **** your shotgun skirt, lift your shirt and ******* to bits/
                                                          Puttin­g our clothes back on and you look at me, make it clear you're still a wicked witch/

I have been eating flowers recently and hoping that one day I will be able to restart the garden in my heart that you tore apart. The light will shine again and roses will bloom to the steady staccato beat of my pulse, daisies and sunflowers rising up from the ground to create their own sunrise. Pale pink buds of tulips and bright blue violets will paint my veins with vivid life, the world beautiful again, the air fresher, my heart better.

The more I consume, the less there is of you and more of nature; earth taking over to heal the hurt in my soul. I tell myself this will work, it will succeed eventually; but inside the core of everything there is the pin ***** of reality that leads me back to the truth.

-

For despite everything, I still love you.

First, last, always.

(A.H.Z)

"I met a boy who spoke like rain against windows."
Every syllable was the pitter patter of water on glass panes.

But the feeling he gave me was hurricanes on concrete.

"I met a boy who spoke like rain against windows."
The fluidity of the liquid would fill the crevices in my mind to the very tip and remind me that I was not alone.

You do not have to read the meniscus to look deeper into my being.

"I met a boy who spoke like rain against windows."
He formed his words and dragged them quietly across pavements, reminiscent of the deep tint of the clouds and the rumbling of thunder.

But when the sun came out,
I did not feel radiant
I felt alone.

What can I say,
I love the attention of temptation.
because I am the one holding the apple
granting the answers you seek.

Because I am curious to what bodies feel like
especially my own, made new by new hands.

This poison goes down with the sweetest burn,
hot and heavy, slowly dissolving
its always in the eyes.

And the drugs never work, quite the way you want them too.
With a numb throat I hold my words for ransom

We never quite reach out toward each other,
and never know why. There is only glimpses and smiles, and hearts quickening for a brief longing
that lasts til dawn
like spell, or perhaps a curse.

But we aren't in a fairy tail
and I'm too busy chasing my dreams
and befriending my nightmares,
to chase you.

Tic-Tok sweety
I'm running with the wind.

stared through
                        smudged
                          smeared
they're forever
not looked at
instead looked through
                                  do they understand
                                  they're needed?
they keep in warmth
they keep out wind
they keep in cold
they let in wind
                                                they have a purpose:
                                     to be not looked at
                                     instead looked
                                     through