I've made the wrong choices,
And for that I may die.
So tell me what would you expect to choose when it's either water or wine?
Clear to the point that you never mattered then,
Or red with the fire from the anger that began.
I'm a simple guy that leads a complicated life,
Always tracing back
Because I trust the ones who lied.
My father always told me,
I'll be the one who molds me.
They can try to help you
But you can't help those who never want it.

I'm not the kind for giving up
With the persistent unknown.
I'm given a break and I'm given a bone,
Then I look to the sky and persistently try.
My mind goes numb against the dwindling sum
Of everything I do added to the things I forget.
I tried to find escape but I come crawling back.

My knees so torn up
And my soles run thin.
Am I still dreaming,
Of the day that begins?

Smoke filled lungs
Soaked with ***** to the brim
I need to start new
I need solace once again.
Persistently trying and consistently on a whim
I need my backbone
To show up once again.

My knees so torn up
And my soles run thin.
Am I still dreaming,
Of the day that begins?

My heart, like a diamond keeps shining through
The apathy cloud that's been plaguing us since can finally leave me and you.
What good is a light though if you close your eyes?
Also what good is a life if you live in a lie?

Being forced to give up things that are close to me.
I can never win, but that doesn't defeat me.
I'm not afraid to say that I'm beaten
Just like I'm not afraid to say what you think affects me.
You say you're afraid to lose my kinship well after jumping the gun you lost my friendship.
Say what you want it's all your fault
You show you're still impure through your actions and thoughts.
It's your fault.

I still look around to try to find you.
Represented in the lessons you taught,
I still try to stay calm with no answers, it's rough.
You lived a great life and I don't want to be selfish,
But I need you here, because I can't learn to be selfless.
I did the right thing, I stayed the better man,
But this hole in my heart can't be filled because the dirt won't stay because it's not firm, it's sand.

Is it true I'm not good enough anymore?
I just want dream and accomplish,
But I'm just never enough.
I live and let go of those who hurt me
And forgave every passing wrong that's been dealt my way.
Has karma run out on me?
They say she's a ***** but oh so sweet,
But she's not even here anyway.

Waiting on the verdict
In this court of my dreams
Guilty or not, I suffer again
While I scream and I plea.
I made the right choices,
But I still live in the shroud.
I guess being the better man doesn't matter
But I go through with it with no doubt.
I told you I love you and I mean that sincerely,
More than my self I guess time can only tell me
I'm never quite enough
I'm just not the right match
For whoever I love
Because my head deserves the axe.
Karma's a ***** and I know her well,
Remember my name before I'm stuck in the well.
Built with mortar and brick,
By my own two hands
Just don't seal the top because you can help me real quick.
Grab my hand and pull my up
Before my fate becomes permanent like the feelings I've felt, ****.

Am I the only one with division,
Because I see between the dots?
The line is in bold and it contains my thoughts,
Not leaning either way
Just perfect in the middle.
One side filled with anger,
And another with dreams.
What way am I supposed to take?
When either way they rip at the seams,
It seems I'm at the crossroad yet again
I'll never know what this means.

Fork in the road, which way do I go?
My feet are tired and my mouth is dry
My minds been plagues this whole time.
Not living depressed but I'm asking a question.
What would life be like now if you never met him,
No time left to bleed and no more space left to heed.
I'm going on without the disease
Of wondering how and asking why
I guess I just have a bad sense of time.

Tear it down,
Brick by brick.
Start that fire,
That begins to light so easily with the flick of a match.

It's come to watching this with all the bridges you've burned
You have no home left but a lesson learned.
Friends in foes you never thought would last
With other friendships staying buried in the past
Do what you do
Make your way
Make sure you choose the right path to lead.

My days line up like the eternal lines that are on these sheets
One after another it goes on and then it repeats
I'm looking for something new
I'm searching for someone I couldn't find in you.
My god have the days gone by since I've seen your face but I wouldn't have it any other way
Ill keep writing these chills and you'll keep popping your pills
Now tell me who's far off their way again?

We've been in mountains since this has been building
I've been held up and locked up and now it's consuming
Just to let you know, I'm not that far gone

You've been in hiding, your bridges kept  burning, lord.
How am I supposed to sit back and watch you run .
Then I remember.
Rats crawl out of the holes they call home.

****

Second guessing myself and mostly everything else,
Tracing back my path I took from living in hell.
Did I take the right road?
Or did I fall astray?
Am I content with being alone
Almost every other day?

Someday I'll find you,
And you'll stop hiding.
Most times, I miss you.
I always had a bad sense of timing

I don't want this to be goodbye
I really don't.

Oh, what an ironic crossroad.
Depending on what I learn, or who I've known.
This static plagues my head until it fades out into the grey.
The page is ripped out it's  missing as they say.
Tell me what I need to know.
Describe what makes me whole.
How can I repent after all of the damage I have done?
I've lied and I've stolen.
I've tried to stay golden.
The paint chips off and the copper stays showing.
I never stood a chance and I'm feeling content.
The words said are clear because they're black and sit bolded.

Is this love? This contradicting bliss?
This feeling of being stepped on and having no one to help with this?
How do I stay happy?
Why am I still content,
Having someone to love and someone to resent?
Is this love? Is this love?
Why'd this happen to me?
Is this love? Is this love?
I'd rather not know
This is love that's been holding me.

I'll stay in your life
As long as you let me.
It's not what I imagined,
But it's better than nothing.
I'm content with my life as down as it gets.
I'm happy for you, you can say it's a safe bet.

Turning stones and breathing smoke
The cold dry air seems to never go.
The writings clear, still written in ink
It's funny that I still have the page because I never think about
Where it's been or what you give
You're always playing the victim
When your the one who hits.

I've been working so hard
To show you that I'm more
I've been trying so hard
To be a stone you can't un-turn.

Look in the mirror to find the crack is you.
Broken in half without a thing to do
The sinks run dry you can't wash the guilt and you're in that hole again
Clawing to be free
But all you'll see is me.

You say you feel sadness
And I feel it too,
But I'm afraid to say a word
Because it will bother you.
I'm giving you space to do what you want
Hopefully not enough space
To make me look gone.
I'll be in your life
Even when I disagree
Just know that I'm waiting on hand and knee.

Feeling like I keep stepping on land mines
While they keep blowing smoke.
Like everything I do can bring no bigger hope,
I'll fight through the storm
And feel so alone
Just to keep standing up , just waiting for someone.
I've waded through the masses
And I've accepted what my past is
I'm just never enough
I'm not worth my time
I'm done thinking like this.

Don't ever forget you're better than who you are.
Your smile lifts me up like the night time stars.
If I can bring you up without feeling down,
Then maybe one day I can leave this crown.

King of the broken with a scepter to match
It looks like my mind it's so warped and scratched
But what makes it different than intentions at glance
Is I'm willing to grow and I'm ready to chance.
You're never enough
You'll never have good luck
If that's what they say then that's what they say,
But just know this, they don't understand "different" anyway.
Something perfect doesn't need affection,
Because it'd then hate talking to imperfection.

Don't ever forget you're better than who you are.
Your smile lifts me up like the night time stars.
If I can bring you up without feeling down,
Then maybe one day I can leave this crown.

I am the man in the mirror
Of who I refused to be,
Because I wanted to go back to who I was instead of grow to who I see.
I'm proud of who I am
It took a while, but I'm here to stay.
The dark long night has evolved to the day.
Bright and confusing,
I find it amusing
I never wanted to leave
Until I saw the other side.
I wake up in my bed to find the other me with respect has died.