Do you see them, love?
All of these small, pretty things?
Drops of crimson upon white
They float away from me, proof of my blight—
Do you see it now, love?
The blooms that have taken hold in me,
The roots that cramp my chest,
They leave little room for much else, love—
For in the end, love,
These blooms were for you.
The pain they caused,
The havoc they reaped,
Every last petal drips for you.
Do you see it now, love?
The stolen glances,
The soft caresses,
The smiles that were only for you?
I hope you see it now, love
And choke on it as hard as I have for you.
They have taken hold and they are not going to leave
These soft blooms that will inevitably spell my doom
I wish you could have seen it sooner, love—
For these petals I bleed, I bleed them all for you.
The blooms have taken over, now,
There’s really nothing left to do
Wait and watch in horror and aghast
As my lungs are drained of life
The thorns pierce my heart and veins, love—
Yes, there’s nothing here for you
Except to weep for all of the things you couldn’t see
But now, with death, you do.
A glorious cascade of beauty falls around me
Shades of red cover my face
Petals float among the spots in my vision
You cry in the unearthly still
As the heartbreak disease finds its purpose finally fulfilled.

Sometimes I want you to know how much you hurt me,
But then I stop that thought in its tracks.
Because no matter how many times you hurt me,  
I'd much rather take the pain and spare you.
Despite the ache you leave, I'll never subject you to the pain you cause.
Because I care for you more than I'll admit
I want to protect you from everything, even if it means I have to die a little more every day.

So, remember me.
If there's one thing I want to say,
Remember me how I was, how I am, how I will always be.
Remember how I can laugh through the pain
No matter what comes my way,
I will keep standing for another day
Because no matter what, I will always keep you safe.
You will never know what it would feel like for me to cause you pain.

Remember me.
Remember the smiles even when I'm going to break
The good times and bad times that always looked the same
The conversations that kept us awake
Please, just remember me.
For you, darling, all of the dragons I will slay
I will always keep you safe
You will never know, because the last thing I want is to cause you pain.

Please, remember me.
The times when I caught your eye in more than one way
When I looked perfect and moon-kissed and undaunted by the day
I was beautiful and strong and unbreakable
Please, remember me in that way.
Not as I am now.
Depressed and aching and lonely.
This is not my identity. It will pass.
But for now, my love, don't remember me this way.
So I will hide it from you until I break.

For no one should ever have to suffer this pain.

This is my Magnum Opus, to the first boy I’ve ever loved.
The only lips I’ve wanted to kiss.
The only eyes I’ve wanted to drown in.
The only heart that I’ve wanted to possess.
For, after all of the *******, you were the first time I wanted everything.
I don’t even know how it happened so fast—the way my eyes magnetized directly to you, how I wanted you from the first time I caught your eye.
Call it fate, call it destiny—it doesn’t matter to me.
I just want you to love me, dear, as much as I love you.
Maybe I’m crazy.
After all, I’ve known you less than a month.
But I can’t help but feel as though some things were written in the stars.
I loved your face first. That soft smile and pretty eyes with lashes longer than the Nile.
Then I loved your laugh. So visceral and deep, yet soft and cute at the same time.
Your personality, though, that was when I knew I was doomed.
We loved the same movies. We were almost always on the same page. You showed me music that I’d never thought I’d enjoy; but somehow, you knew me so intrinsically.
I think you sealed the deal when I heard you sing.
If there’s one thing I’m defenseless against, it’s a boy who can sing.
Your voice was like melted caramel, so sweet and smooth and enticing—I was doomed from the moment I heard your siren call.
It didn’t help that you met my gaze as you sang, as though I was the only person in the world.
The passion in your face was enough to make me want to collapse. You should never have let me see those bedroom eyes.
I can’t get you out of my mind. Ever.
You’re always in my thoughts.
You whisper to me even when you’re not around.
I can hear what you would say if you were here.
It wouldn't be so bad if I could hide it, make it stop, ignore it.
But it hurts so much when I see you with someone new, you have no idea.
I feel the breath leave my lungs and the life leave my eyes
When I know you don't want me near
I hate myself for what I'm doing to my own heart and mind
But I know I'm defenseless against you.
Not with those soft doe eyes and a smile that makes my knees weak
Not with a scent that puts me completely at ease
I've been in love since I first laid eyes on you
And I may never fall out of love
But the biggest problem isn't that, love makes us human
The problem is, I can't stop the hurt.
The problem is how you have me wrapped around your little finger.
If I thought it would mean your happiness, I would tear myself apart
I would rip my heart from my chest
I would offer you the world at my expense
Because seeing you smile is all that I want.
It hurts when you want to be alone
Because I know how much I hate it.
I don't want to be alone, ever. Not when I could be with you.
You're the common thread in my nights, recently.
Whether we're tangled in my sheets or you're spitting insults, you can't seem to escape my dreams.
I wish it would stop
But all the same, I don’t want you to go
You’re all I want in life, but this makes it hurt all the more.
If only you could offer me something else
Something that I crave
I would be yours forever, darling,
But that’s a confession for another day.

I guess the worst part isn’t really how I feel
But the fact he doesn’t care to notice how much it hurts
He stays immune to my pain until it’s too late
He just wants to be friends, there’s nothing else to say on that
But I keep holding out hope for the fact that there is some potential...
Someday, maybe we can be more than friends.
Maybe we’ll own a house with a white picket fence.
Perhaps we can get a few dogs, let them run free.
In this instance, for you, I’d give you a daughter.
Only for you, love—only for you.
Someday, maybe we will love
Maybe we will stay up all night talking about life
Someday, maybe, if I play my cards right, you will ask me to be your wife.
They say love is patient, it is kind
I have such a hard time keeping this thought alive.
All I want is you, right now
I don’t know how to keep my hurt to myself.
But perhaps,
Maybe someday,
My wish will come true.

I find it so infuriating
How you manage to occupy my every waking thought.
Here I thought I was immune to your charms
(After all, it’s been two months)
But then you had to go and get that haircut
Yes, you know the one—
That **** undercut that drives me insane.

You’ll be the death of me, this I swear
For this is so much more than I’m meant to bear
I want to love you, I want to leave you—
Anything I will do to stop this strain.
Darling, I love you so much more than, aloud, I will say.
The ache in my chest as you look away, confirming we are not a thing
No, we’re just friends
Despite the feelings that run so deep for you
You still want to remain the same.

So you settle, then—
Occupying my every little thought
Fogging up my brain in ways I can’t explain
Destroying my self confidence and building it up in other ways
My darling, why do you have to take up residence in my every little thought.

Sometimes I think the worst part about loving you
Isn’t the hurt you cause when you’re away
Sometimes I think the worst part is how you give me a feeling that I can’t satisfy...
Honey, you make me want to sin.
Horribly, messily, disgustingly—sin.

I’m not the ****** type
Never was, probably won’t ever be
But ooh, honey—you make me want to sin.

I want to feel your hands on my skin, a gentle caress I can’t breathe without
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to lose all of this self-doubt
Because honey, you make me want to sin.

I fear God, I don’t want to disappoint
I know you think He doesn’t exist,
But honey, you’re proof enough of just how real He is.
You’re proof enough that the Devil is bent on making me sin.
With those soft doe eyes and a smile that slays,
With the sharp eyebrows that frame your face,
That infectious laugh that leaves me in a daze—
Honey, you make me want to sin.
You never leave me satisfied,
Not with this aching slick you leave between my thighs
‘Tis enough to drive me mad, because honey—
You make me want to sin.

Oof, the way you sing absentmindedly at any time of day,
The soft expressions that you make
The awful memes you display
Oh, Lord—you make me want to sin.

I can’t stop you from racing around in my thoughts
You’ve moved in, taken up residence, and I’m caught
Caught up in your scent, your smile, your eyes
Hair I want to bury my fingers in
A body I want to cling to
Oh, honey—you make me want to sin.

I don't know what I can do
Other than sit here and stare at you
She leans against your chair,
You do nothing to fight back
I want to die
But instead, I'm paralyzed
You do nothing to halt her advances
Though you feel nothing the same for her
I hate myself more and more
As I can only sit here and stare at the floor.

I cannot move, I'm transfixed
How would it look to see my name on those thirsting lips?
Lovingly inflected, as though I'm the only one on your mind?
Surely, I will never know
It's only been a short while, we've barely begun
And yet I find myself craving your touch more than I can show.
Paralyzed, I cannot speak
Instead, I internally weep and feel loss for the thing I have no right to grieve.