The trap around my heart
Is completely broken.
And the entrance of you has
Completely invaded.
My veins rush with
Your words once spoken.
And my modesty and
Tolerance has completely downgraded.

Your voice is my ******
It seeps through my blood.
I fall asleep to the thoughts of you
And surround myself with regret.
Regret for the situation I'm in
And the answers I don't know.
Questions become a flood
In my mind.

Am I too broken to be able
To fall in love?
Am I too lonely to be considered
A woman in love?
Am I too emotionally unstable
To deal with being in love?

Is it worth
Anything in the end?
I truly do pray
To the seasons
And the rain
And the tears that fall
From my eyes to the floor.
To the sky and the
Clouds and the spirits
Traveling throughout the atmosphere.
I pray to them that
One day this may be sanity
And I may be in love
With someone who wants me
Nearly half as much as I
Want to be next to them.

She begged for you
Just to love her and inject in her
Her own happy thoughts
Rather than others'.
Instead you gave her complete madness.
And you ruined her with your own perspective.
All she wanted was comfort.
She wanted sanity and purity.
She wanted to be loved.
Instead you gave her wounds in her heart
And slits upon her wrists,
Blood drawing itself from her veins to the floor.
You left her with a scar around her neck,
Her eyes closed and her lips shut
Still waiting for a kiss from you.
It's all she ever wanted, was a kiss from you.
All she ever wanted was
The feeling of adrenaline rushing through her veins
As your bodies interlocked with one another's
And your skin, warm, so warm, eating at each others'.
It's all she ever wanted, and it's nearly impossible now.
All she ever wanted was tape to fix her broken heart
And wine to settle her addiction and fix the glass surrounding it.
All she ever wanted was your laughter
And your hope.
No, she never wanted for herself anything sinful.
She wanted the feelings of you.
She wanted your happiness and satisfaction.
She may have just wanted one thing in life.
She may have wanted your acceptance of her.
She may have wanted you to fully
Take in the flaws that placed over her body
More than most.
It's nearly impossible now,
For her to gain any of that, it is impossible.
Unless there's a hidden trick to devote yourself
To a spirit in the dark,
It's impossible.
And still, as she sleeps for the rest of her years,
That one thought lingers in her mind,
That one possibility eats away at the tissue in her skull,
And until that thought is gone,
She may never escape to heaven or hell.
She will never escape.
She will forever be in pain.

The date of my birth is weighing in
And I honestly have not much to ask for
Other than you to be by my side
And give me one of your fascinating smiles.

I ask for you to just hold me and
Embrace my body while I'm warm
Next to you, where I want to be.
And I've always wanted to be.

I only want the sweet sound of your
Sugar-coated voice and the feel
Of your prickled beard against my cheek.
I want your long arms to hold me.

When the not-so-important day of my birth
Finally arrives, will you please, I beg,
Just be there for me?
Just say sweetly, "happy sixteenth."

I wonder if this
Has any meaning to it.
I wonder if my fight for you
Is worth it in the end.
What if I have spent these years
Reliant on the future of us
And created a miserable path for myself?
I don't regret the times we've spent
Or the words we've said,
But what if they mean nothing in the end?
Time will tell, but the sickness in my
Body from waiting for you has
Reached it's limit,
And I feel the virus aching through me.
I may die tonight, tomorrow, ten years from now, or maybe seventy.
But if I am to live for long,
What was the point of focusing on You, and only you?
If I am to live a short span,
What was the good that came from
This bitter situation?
Will I live in hell with closure?
I cannot say I will.
I will live there still in love with you,
Hoping that when you join me
You may admit to loving me as well.
And we can fight the devil together.

It's almost the end of winter
Nearing spring's warm lips.
I swing to the rhythm of my heartbeat.
Forward and back
Fast then slow.
The cold air gently bites my fingertips
And I know for sure that I have some kind of feeling
Left in my body.
My lack of realization to humanity
Was almost as if I were dead.
My heart races and my fingers bleed coldness,
But at least I know I'm alive.
I may be hurting and utterly confused,
But I've realized that I'm human.
I couldn't picture the difference
In the life I was living compared to
Death itself.
But now I know that being alive,
There's more to it than the sadness I so effortlessly longed for.
I'm ready to take my next step
And breathe my next breath
Into the warm spring air that should
Arrive shortly.

It's gone back
To the distance
And the feelings I once had.

I'm used to these feelings
But for a few moments
I felt so high.

How is it that the emotion
That I always felt
Is bothering me now?

I shouldn't feel locked up like this.
I feel as though it's worse now
Because you've left me stranded again.

I feel as though the pain
Is ten times more hurtful
Than it was before.

I want you to embrace me like you once did.
I want you to shelter my heart with yours.
I want to go back to the spark that made me smile.

Why did you leave again?
Why did you abandon me?
I'm so afraid.

I feel that I had much less fear
When I was a little girl.
I had no fear in love.

I had no fear in emotions
And no fear in pain.
I openly expressed those things.

I was confident and well behaved.
Now it's different.
I fear love every day.

I fear the emotions that ooze through me.
And every single day,
I experience pain. Not just mentally, but physically as well.

I wish I could go back to those times
When I was just a little girl
And I was so easily living life.

I miss my childhood every day.
I miss your touch every day.
I miss you every day.