like the rain falls softly on the sidewalk on a dreary April morning, the words fall softly into my ear as you lovingly whisper "I'll love you forever." if life has taught me anything in these 17 years of existence, it's that "forever" doesn't mean forever. I think what you meant to say is "I'll pretend I love you on the days when I am lonely and once I gain a bit of courage I'll tell you that you never meant **** to me."

it's funny how the world paints such a beautiful picture of love, like me gripping at my pillow gasping for a breath and my entire body shaking with tears is somehow "poetic." like seeing you look into her eyes and tell her she's perfect is something to be romanticized.

when I finally gained enough dignity to ask why the **** I wasn't enough, all you had to say was you were sorry. sorry sorry sorry like saying that five letter word would somehow fix all the ******* cracks in my heart. storms don't apologize after they destroy homes I do not want your apology.

i know the reasons why you left. you never had to tell me. but I wish you would have. I want you to tell me that I was too much. I was too deep and I thought about things in a way that frightened you. I loved you more than you loved yourself and you didn't know how to accept such a love because, after all, "we accept the love we think we deserve" and you didn't think you deserved it (you didn't) I want you to tell me all these things so they can come crashing down on me like an avalanche of things you saw as faults. I want to realize that these are not faults at all. that just because you don't understand me and I was "too much" for you does not mean I'll never find anyone who will listen to me talk and love me despite the thoughts I have that don't always make sense.