1 "I've given up on giving up slowly."
2 "You say yes, I say no."
3 "When you're on a holiday, you can't find the words to say."
4 "I'm feeling **** and free."
5 "I can see our fingers are intertwined."
6 "Nice legs, daisy dukes..."
7 "You and I go hard at each other like we're going to war."
8 "Everybody's trying to get to me."
9 "Hey, babe, I got my eye on you."
10 "I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard"
11 "Hey, girl, you know you drive me crazy."
12 "This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world."
13 "In the time of the chimpanzees, I was a monkey."
14 "Honestly, why are my clothes out on the street?"
15 "Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor....."
16 "The static comes in slow.... You can feel it grow."
17 "You promise me starry night skies..."
18 "Never win first place, I don't support the team."
19 "Tell me where our time went..."
20 "I dreamed I went missing, you were so scared."

Don't
Look.

Please

Don't look at me.

Don't
Ask me
If I'm
Okay.

Don't.

Please don't.

Leave
Me
Alone.

I like
Alone.

I don't
Want
Company

Don't
Look
At
Me.

Please.

1: Am I the only one I know waging these wars behind my face and above my throat?
I'm all alone
2: When the waters rise in the storms of life I will stand secure in you
You are all I have
3: If I could then I'd shrink the world tonight so that I could find you and me inside
I can lean on you
4: Just cause you think it don't make it so
Can I trust you?
5: Baby come on over I don't care if people find out
No
6: I know what you think in the morning when the sun shines on the ground
You aren't worth it
7: Why are you strivin these days? Why are you tryin to earn grace?
I'm not worth it
8: Never win first place, I don't support the team
I'm not worth anything
9: Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking, when you fall everyone stands.
I'm invisible
10: I just want to run
No one will notice if I die
11: Hello my name is regret, I'm pretty sure we have met
I want to die
12: When life leaves you high and dry I'll be at your door tonight if you need help
You can't save me from myself
13: Be careful what you're wishing in the dark
Will anyone miss me?
14: You're killing my resistance now I have to let go
It's time
15: I can't take them on my own, oh I'm not the one you know
Thank you
16: There's no way to say this song's about someone else
Thank you
17: I should ink my skin with your name
Thank you for saving me
18: I don't know where you're going or when you're coming home I left the keys under the mat
I miss you
19: Night falls with gravity, the earth turns from sanity
No one will care if I die
20: Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews of a church corridor...

The trees
Behind the checkered screen
Of my window
Are silhouetted skeletons
Against a black and white
Cotton candy sky.
And limp dangling pieces of flesh
Cling to the bones
Refusing release.

I hate that you're depressed
because
you are so
beautiful.

I do love you,
even if
we just met.

You are perfect.
Those scars on your
thighs
are
destroying
you.

I hate how it
Poisons your
Bloodstream,
Making you cut open
your skin
in ribbons.

Stop

Please stop.

And I wish you would know that
I know how you feel.
How I know what you've been through.
And how I've been through it
Too.
Because then we might talk,
Shattering unscratched glass with the first sentence,
"What did you get for Number Seven?"
You would say, "Negative eleven, just factor..."
Maybe one day you'd text me and
Ask what the homework was
Because our teacher didn't tell you
From when you were sick.
And eventually, after tons of small talk,
After "How's the weather?"
Got old,
I could finally tell you
That I know.
I'd tell you that
I'm here, not the fake kind of here,
Which sounds like,
"I-know-and-I'm-here-and-you-can-talk-to-me-goodbye-forever­."
Not like that.
But the kind of here
That asks what ****** about your day,
And sends you links to cat videos,
And the kind of here
That texts you at two in the morning
And asks if you're alright
And doesn't take yes for an answer.

Don't
Pretend
To like me.
Don't
You
Even try

You
Ask
Me
Why
I'm
Insecure

I say
"I don't know why."

But
Really
It's just
Guys like
You.

Playing with my heart.

I
Always
Labeled
You
'Bad news'

I knew it from the start.

Normal
Stupid
Guys
Like you
Mostly
Pass
Me
By.

Please
Don't
Pretend
To like
Me

Don't you
Even
Try.

I think that
They believe
They can hide me
In a box
Forever.

They
"Only
Want
To
Protect
Me."

But it isn't
Protection
When
The surface
Isn't
Permeable.

Nothing gets in
And
Nothing gets out.

And
There isn't
Air to
Breathe.

My bones were vibrating,
Grinding the bite out of my teeth.
My arms wrapped around my stomach
Tighter than a boa constrictor
Trying to stop the shaking
The vibrating
Originating in the pit of my hopeless stomach.
The churning black hole that could erupt at one twitch.
I ****** at the side of my finger,
Avoiding the nausia,
And avoiding the acid nipping at my tonsils.
Chewing away at my bouncing teeth.
My hunched back leaned against the brick,
Spine curved into my shoulders
Enclosing my frozen chest,
My nose threatening to fall off.
And at that time
I wanted to be anywhere
Just to
Get away
From
There.

"I'd go
Beyond our
Fighting
Borders
If you needed that
From
Me."

But I can tell
That
We won't ever
Reach
Where I want
Us
To
Be.

Nothing will continue.
You don't like it.
Don't like me.
Not my eyes, not my clothes.
No matter how long I get them ready
In
The
Early
Morning

Before the birds get up.

You like her.
Before the sunrise,
You like her.
Before she even texts you
"Good morning."
You like her.

And I still like
You.

And I have sailed
1,000 ships
To
You.

But my messages don't
Seem
To
Make
It
Through.

1 I've seen life through the eyes of a different soul
And maybe I hated what I saw
2 On the floor of Tokyo,  one down another town to go.
I'll go anywhere to get away
3 If you want to get with me, theres some things you gotta know
And I won't open my heart for you
4 All this trouble that I know, every swing I take, and stone I've thrown
They were all aimed at you
5 Rule number one is that you gotta have fun
And I will always avoid it
6 Automatic, systematic, come on don't be so dramatic
I'll do whatever I want
7 To all my friends, the night is young
Live your life
8 I can see our fingers are intertwined
But I want to untangle them
9 She, she ain't real
But neither am I
10 I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone
And so I left
11 Give me love, my God. Lately I've been waking up alone.
Come and find me
12 I'm waking up to ask and dust
Someone save me
13 Look down from a broken sky
Why didn't you come?
14 What I see is what's to be, cartwheels to eternity
You aren't guilty
15 Be careful making wishes in the dark
Don't forget me
16 All I know is the morning when I woke.
I never woke up
17 I wanna be drunk when I wake up on the right side of the wrong bed.
But I won't wake
18 This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And she even killed herself
19 No sir, well I don't want to be the blame, not anymore.
It was never my fault
20 Lights go out and they can't be saved
*I could never be saved

I'll miss you so much,
I'll miss you so bad,
The past three years to date,
Are the best I've ever had.

And while we are apart,
Of times together, we will dream,
And when we are so sep'rate,
I'll be bursting at the seams.

Yes,
I like you.

I've liked you
For
A
While

And
Yes,
I Talked to you
About
Your
Girlfriend

And
Yes,
I
Almost
Set
You
Up
With
My
B­est
Friend

And
Yes,
I
Text
You
Every day
Even when
You don't
Text back.

Yes,
I like you.

Please don't try to understand.

I called you early
Because the last time
You
Showed
Up
At
The
Curb
20
Minutes
After
I
Called

Do
Not
­Yell
At
Me
For
Showing
Up
Late.

Once upon a time
At a middle school
They decided
That we didn't need
48 minutes
Of lunch

(Even
Though
We
Do)

And now we have
LS

(Which stands for
Learning Seminar)

((Even
Though
We
Never
Learn
anything))

And they
Sneakily
Subtracted
Eighteen
Minutes
From
Teen
Wolves
Shovel­ing
Food into
Their mouths

To sit
Quietly
In a room
And read.

Happiness
Hit her
Like a train
On a
Track.

Knocked her out,
Tied her up,
And took her
Back.

And Happiness
Loved her.
And Happiness cared.

She clung to Happiness
As much as she dared.

But when Happiness
Left
Her
As Happiness
Will

Her body
Closed down,
And in came a
Chill

A cold front
Clouded
Above her head.

She spoke not a word,
Until they found her dead.

Happiness
Hit her
Like a train
On a
Track.

Coming
Towards her,
Stock still,
No turning back

Is just what it sounds,
First you're up,
Then you're down

Can't decide
Of what to write
Of hearing? Of taste?
Of smelling? Of sight?

And you run in circles
But nowhere you get
Because writer's block
Has you in its net.

Cemented shoes
And silenced talk
It's even hard to describe
Writer's block

He came to my house
Wearing his dark jacket and
Cold fingers
With no prior notice.

The doorbell echoed at
Nine oh six
And my mom said she'd get it.

I was watching Netflix
And shoveling semi-melty
Ice cream into my mouth.

He said hi to my mom
And he rushed up the stairs
Into my laundry-flooded bedroom

He wrapped his arms around me
So tight that I wasn't keen to let go.

He smelled like bitter outside
And broken trees
And choking regret.

I smelled like
Fake roses
And ***** pajamas
That were freshly cried into.

My shirt sleeves were wet.

When he kissed me,
I tasted like
The aftermath of
Black cherries
And sad music.

He tasted like love.

How did it go
Around and around
Thick and thin
Slivers of beads
And evil piercing shrapnel

Bangbang
Two swipes
And gone were they
From the world.
No one knows
Where they went
But they are so far gone
That no hospital machine can bring them back.

You said you're "okay"
But I know
You're not.
I could tell by
The way you
Took a little breath before
You spoke,
Like I could hear the words.
"Should I lie to her, too?"

Livie told her parents
About the cuts on her wrists
From the girls at school
And the calorie counting
In a little green notebook shoved into pockets.

Livie's parents
Fed her
To the dragon called
Mr. Therepist
Who chewed forever.

And he plumped her up
With lies
So that they spilled from her mouth
Like a fountain.
And she threw up
So many times
That she started to believe them.

And
Mr. Therepist
Spit her out
In a big
Sticky
***.
Shaped my monster spit
And
Stomach acid
From when she threw up lies.

And though she was finally in school,
Livie stayed gone.

Livie had dissolved in the dragon's stomach,
Leaving piles of bones
And shadows
Under eyes.


She never came back.

You left
For England
Saturday
An it was raining when you left
An when you got back
It rained still.

And you were gone
For one week
Seven days.
Which is five school days
For me to squeeze through geometry
without you
(And
I
Can
Barely
Survive
With
You)

And Sarah asked
For a Union Jack
T-shirt
And told you
Not to forget.

And you brought it
For her
And
Got
Nothing
For
Me

But you told me
"You didn't ask
But if you want something
I'll get it for you
Next time.
I have to go back in
Six to eight weeks"

And I thought
You would have
Bought me something
Not as a
Souvenir
But
As
An
Apology

For leaving my alone
For a week
To live lonely

And yet
You'll go back
To England across the pond
In
Six
To
Eight
Weeks

Sometimes I doubt you're actually going to England.

Sometimes I forget I have a father.

There's a dotted line
B e t w e e n   u s

It might never be strong enough to
Connect us,
To be solid,
And there will always be
**        les
Like swiss cheese.

And I hope it isn't
nothing
Like I thought it was
Once.

Just
Something
In
My head.

It's
A little
Bit
There

And
A
Little bit
Gone

It's
A
Dotted line

1 Look around. You should be.... You should be dancing. Dance with me.
But you don't. You won't dance, you push me away.
2 You built your own wall, now find your way around.
You think that you can ignore your feelings. Ignore me. Money can't buy you happiness.
3 And where's your shiny car? Did it ever get you far?
You need help. Those drugs aren't numbing the pain, they're making it worse.
4 Lately her face seems slowly sinking, wasting.
You just wanted to impress everyone.
5 You just tried too hard and you froze
You're so stressed. You're restless.
6 This city never sleeps and that makes two
You're wasting your life. It won't last forever.
7 I do what I want when I feel like it. All I want to do is lose control.
Everyone is watching you. Everyone knows that you're in a downward spiral.
8 And the camera flashes make it look like a dream
I've always been here. I never left you. Why won't you trust me? *
9 Cuz all I know is we said hello ad your eyes look like coming home.
I won't wait for you any longer. I'm done with you.
10 Headed for the open door. Tell me what you're waiting for.
I'm waiting for *you

And they forgot about me
Let sin take over
As soon as Eve
Laid a pearly white finger
Upon the flesh of the apple

For those first poisoned bites
Sent wedges
Like earthquakes
In between us.

A huge crack of rubble
Uncrossed,
No bridges to connect

And dust filled the air between
To cut off breath
And to cut you off from me
So you could not see me
And you could not hear me

But I want to know you
I want to hear your voice
I want to know you more.

I want to touch you
I want to see your face
I want to know you more.

And that injection
That sin
Coursed through your veins
And thickened the blood
That connected us
And made it thick and dull and cancerous
Until it was still.

And one day
I hope for a cure
To this evil disease.

Something to help blood flow
Like a river from the crimson heart.
And I will send
A
Bridge between us
To connect us once more
And make a swept
Breeze to clear the air.


I will send Jesus.

Scratched against the back of my eyelids,
Every night when I close my eyes.
I can avoid it
when
I'm
awake.

But he's there
Smiling
In his soccer jacket
With his name on the back
When I try to dream.

I like to think that
He's up
With the angels.

But I know that he's just hiding,
Tattooed forever
Behind my eyes.

I can't fall asleep
On those nights
When I
Don't even know
If you'll be here
When I wake up.

Those nights
Are
All nights.