Don’t tell me you love me
Find a way to say it differently
Don’t say something so cliché
Said every day
Don’t tell me the sun sets and rises for me
Because I know the the rotation and revolution of the earth mixed with the gravitational pull of sun
Tell me you’ll buy me seventeen cats, because you know seventeen is my favorite number
Tell me you’ll paint my house purple, because it matches my hair, and it will make you think of me every time you look at it
Tell me you’ll never let me miss a Metallica concert that comes to Kansas
Tell me that you would take me to the aurora borealis and read me the poem about it
Tell me you will keep a drawer of head phones, so I never run out
Tell me you will take every knife out of the house
Tell me you will hang your clothes according to colour because it makes you feel like I did it for you
Tell me you will never buy me a valentine, you’ll buy me a bottle of ***** instead
Tell me you will hold me even when I’m screaming that I hate you
Tell me you will never try to make me like sports
Tell me you will take me to comicon and cosplay with me
Tell me you will always deal with my friends, even when they hate you
Tell me you will never say a bad thing about my mother, unless I say something first
Tell me you will buy me tampons at two in the morning
Tell me you will think i’m beautiful when I eat
Tell me you will make me feel like I can eat in front of you
Tell me you will watch cheesy disney movies with me
Tell me you will sing songs with me
Tell me you will dye my hair
Tell me you will listen to me even when I don’t make any sense
Don’t you ever say you love me

If life gets you down
Have life go down on you

Driving myself insane, your words, no your lies a fog. I am fumbling down a road made of this insanity, fogged by your facade. Driving my self over this cliff, you help me with your hand on my neck. I’ve been blinded by your eyes, while it was just a disguise, a mask. You’re telling me you love me only to slam me on a wall, I’m driving down this road, our home no longer a humble abode.

My heart
Is beating so fast
Thinking you
Might like me
But I'm just getting my hopes up
Please don't turn out like the last guy
I don't want what people think I am
I'm sick
Of being slammed down
Only to be picked back up
By your beautifully written
*Empty
Words

I've taken a new name
Because I couldn't deal with the
Constant reminder
The way you said Ellie
Sent shivers down my spine
It felt like cool cascading rivers washing down my skin

I stop to think if you've ever said my name again
In those dark prison walls
Locked away
You've never really looked good in orange

Sometimes I'll look at the scars on my legs and think
What would have happened if I hadn't met you
Would I still be Ellie
Wrapped in the innocence of ignorance
Or would I have still found out what I know now

If you just looked in my eyes
you'd see
the
  s
          u
        I
               c
                **   i
           d
                           e

I
feel
HUGE
I
Step
On
The
Scale
And
The
Numbers
Turn
Into
Three
Letters
That
Spell
F
A
   T

I've been trying to make father and dad rhyme
But dad has the essence of holding and never letting go
and father is some one who writes you letters after years of no speaking
Dad is some one who held you when you scraped you knee
And father is someone you only remember seeing once, and it was very cold that day
Dad is some one you talk to
and Father only wrote you one letter and you are 16
Dad is someone who you fight with, but you love him
and father is someone you will never know
Maybe its best that I can't rhyme sentiment and hopelessness
*Present and absent will never coincide with each other
Because my dad is not an antonym
And my father will never be a simile

I have an irrational fear of bodies of water
When I think of them,
I feel my lungs tightening
My fingers get numb
I see sharks coming towards me
mouths wide open
Its the kind of fear where thinking about it makes your whole body shake and tense up at the time
Your teeth grit together and you just
When I was little I used to swim almost every day, I practically lived in the pool
I wanted to be a mermaid, spend every moment in the water, the ocean was a whole new world
I spent my summers living in the lake
Diving into the water and trying to touch the bottom
I thought heaven would be a utopia of oceans
And we would spend eternity floating
The first thing I did when I went to florida was run to the ocean
I ran till my bare feet were no longer hitting ground but treading water  
Swimming in pure bliss and happiness
But that all changed about two summers ago
I was riding a wave runner when My father turned a little too hard
And I was thrown off
It was in that moment that my body forgot how to swim
Sinking in the water light was hard to see
Every single fear that you could have about water flowed into me
I feel my lungs tightening
My fingers get numb
I see sharks coming towards me
mouths wide open
Thrashing in the water till I found the surface I saw my father  
Attempting to swim to him, I some how found my way back on the wave runner
I found myself back into the lake house
I’ve never been back in a lake since, not even a body of water
I got nervous the first time I got into a swimming pool at my friends house
I hope that heaven is dry land
And even though I don’t live by the ocean I’m still overwhelmingly terrified of it
And I’ve found that your love, is the ocean.

-I'm lame, I promise-

No matter how much
innocence you've lost,
holding a new person's hand
is probably always going to be awkward.
And It's probably always going to make your
heart beat.
And when you're at a concert
lying about your age to
a freshman in college
so that he'll actually talk to you...
Your heart will probably start
beating faster then too.
And when he puts his arm around
you just to kiss you
and he looks you in the eyes
even though you're sweating and
your make up is probably smeared
he still calls you beautiful.
Like ****. This man
was chiseled by god
and for some reason he's looking at me.
He's pushing away the drunk people
trying to grab at my waist.
Not looking at girls who
are high as a kite trying
move their hips against his.
He just holds my hand
tighter and smiles at me
like "high people just don't stop."
And when Chevelle ended the last song
and the lights came back on
he gave me one more kiss
and disappeared into the crowd.
Like some mysterious prince.
He wants to be a math teacher
and he screams his lungs out
to his favorite songs
head bangs to the beat
and he wrapped his arms around me.
I become infatuated very fast.
Like a corvette C6 I go from 0 to 60 in 4 seconds.
And all I said was that I like his face
and he decided that even though my hair was messed up
and my bruised waist was showing,
I was worth the yelling in
each others ear.
Even though beer and cigarettes were
burning through my tongue he put up
with me.
and this is all pathetic.
and I know I'm not in love.

But during class when the test is going on
and I'm put in the hallway
he's what I write about.
and I am so lame.

Writers blovk is a **** block between pen and paper
I stole that line from a friend and I think she stole it from a writer
Writers block is so universal it even affects people who don't write
Pen to paper
All I want to do is write
I'm desperate to write about anything at this point
I'm trying to write a book
I've got fifty pages of pure poetry
And lines of future poems
I've said before I'm an unfinished poetry piece
and when I'm polished I will have skin made of stories told over centuries

I've been trying to write for months
More desperate than junkies on city corners
Because the lines I write on my paper
Are better than the ones you take up your nose
Paper in this notebook is worth more than the paper that you brag about having on social media
You see I've taken to choosing words and phrases
Rather than choosing what strand to smoke next
Fancy words like abittor
Do more for me than Lysergic acid diethylamide
Withdrawls from pen and paper are worse than
Withdrawls from amphetamines
Being a writer
Is something you are never warned about
Because one day you will on top of the world
And the next day you will be on the edge
Just to get an adrenaline rush and motivation to write
Why do you think the best writers sucumb to alchohal stains, white noses, and scared veins
The best writer I know has shelves of prescriptions, like a library of books
My favorite poems are inspired not by writers lines, but rather lines I chop myself
Drinking your poems with ***** as a chaser
No one warns you about being a poet

Watching my best friend
Stumble through the halls
Seeing her, make all
these bad choices
I can’t help
But to think
Why do I love you
My best friend
Since seventh grade
October twenty first
In gym
You gave me pills
When you were in
A lacy bra
I didn’t dare look down,
below your waist
Because I
Was a good christian girl
Not knowing
Why I was
Attracted to you
Thinking I was
Sinning
Until in
8th grade
When I
was Dared to
Kiss you
And That
Sealed
My fate
And now I can’t
Escape
Watching my best friend
Stumble through the halls
Seeing her, make all
these bad choices
I can’t help
But to think
Why do I love you
My best friend
I love you ******

My mind is racing
At an unusual pace
This is make me cry
This is making me lie

We just want love
If you think about it
Thats what we all crave
We just want love
We want to osmotically absorb it into our blood
It doesn't matter to us how we get it or who we take it from
We just want to cover ourselves in a blanket of infatuation
Or maybe we crave the love our parents never gave us
We want to smooth out the bumps on our face
The lines on our arms
We want love we don't care who gives it to us
We just want it why do you think we go out and do stupid things
We want love
Your love mommy and daddy
I want you to put away your phone and take a day off work and love me
I **** up so you can kiss my cuts and stitch me up
Tell me you love me not like you do in front of the therapist
Not like you do in court
Not like you do in front of the cops
Tell me you love me
Tell me you really really love me

God your beauty pains me so much
I just want to hold you
Wrap my arms around you and put my head on your chest
I want you to hug me tight and put your chin on the top of my head

You made me feel as though I had galaxies is my veins
And like my eyes were deep pools of the night sky
My mouth had been a grave yard
But you planted the tree of life on my tongue
My hair contained the winds of the world
But since the day I found out you left
I started draining my galaxy veins
Leaving empty universes
Reality with you holding her fogged over my night sky eyes
The tree of life was poisoned by my acidic voice
The day you left
The wind became extinct
And every metaphor I ever was, is gone

Please explain to me how I always seem to fall so hard but I never come back up
It’s like I’ve fallen to the bottom of the ocean
And I can’t seem to surface
I want to be your beauty
But you are certainly no beast
Last nights late thoughts lead me to think I could be Anna and you we’re wonderful Kristof
I just hope you don’t turn into Hans
I lost my glass slipper
Would you search your kingdom for me?
If my name was Ariel I would change the story line to be with you

Come dance with my ghost
Pull the trigger
And dance with me
I don’t want to haunt you
I don’t want to be alone anymore
I left you
Now don’t let me leave your mind
My life is ended
But yours is just beginning
Why

I can’t seem to get a hold on my mouth, nor my tongue. These curse word spill out of my mouth like smoke out of a cigarette. I work on my goal, and I’m trying my hardest, but maybe my hardest is not good enough for this.

I’ve been thinking about God lately
And whats life after death
Because I can’t get past the idea that my existence is confined to just this flesh  
I need to know if god is real
And what heaven to book a room in
Because I would rather sleep in beds with saints
Uncomfortable in sheets that aren’t my own
Rather than be caught up in the eternal damnation of my very own sins
I want to know god
Know god like I know the voice of my lover
And I want to feel gods love like the promise of salvation he wrote in the bible thousands of years ago
Because 80 years in this body isn’t enough for me
Honestly 180 or more wouldn’t make me happy
Because I want to hear the voice of my great grandpas voice again
And my pops
And
I want to see my dog
Plus all the people that will go in my life time
I can’t live with a goodbye I’m not guaranteed
I want to know if God is just some placebo put into place to bring comfort to our souls
Or if I can out my whole life into the blind faith of a man I’ve never met before
And what would eternity be like?
Is it better than leaving a legacy thats starting out as rocky as mine?
Does every day pass like a steady wind
Or does it move slow like snails crawling over blades of grass?
Will we know what forever is?
In heaven can you look down on the souls wondering around below,
Or are you in the constant worship of gods holy presence?
I need the answers to all of these questions
And clarifications for all of the possibilities
And loops holes like reincarnations
Because I’ve been thinking about death lately
And what people believe is inevitable
Because I’ve always believed in the gray muddle between lines
I can get past the idea of black and while
Life and death
God
Or nothing

If your have been waiting
for a reason
to do something that scares you
take this
as a sign
that you need to do it

I will never let it go
I've been told to dye it a natural colour
So I could get a job
But what is the point of getting a job if you can no longer be who you are

Has a guy ever grabbed your ***
So hard
You felt
Like a real ****
Has a guy ever pushed you
So hard
You felt
Like it was your fault
Has a guy ever pressed his hands on you
So hard
You felt
Like you needed to be put in your place?

He is the Poem
I wanted to write

Its so mainstream to not be mainstream
I mean, look at me
We’re all unique in our own unique way!
Something we’ve been taught since first grade…
Don’t judge a book by a cover!
Something we’ve been doing since first grade…
We are all just a line of clichés
And labels
Cookie cutter images
Thinking we’re “So outside of the box!”
When its just an even bigger box on the outside
Its so cliché
To be cliché
To not be cliché
We are trying to create new
But everything has been done

lines down my throat
bruises on my hips
teeth marks on my shoulders
Shaking legs
pulled out hair
bleeding
drinking
smoking
pushing
and now
he's
every
thing
on
my
mind

The word “****”
Is something kids should never have to learn
You should never have to know what is means
To be pushed down and have them forced upon you
Its nothing youth should know
Its nothing kids should know
Its nothing anyone should know
Its just a four letter word
Turned into a world of horror
Where the word “*****”
Gets thrown around at the wrong times
How did I ever bring this hell upon myself
When the clothes I was wearing were baggy
The shirt I had was collard
My pants were long, no holes
How did I scream out
“Take my innocence
Its okay I’m thirteen today”
Because I didn’t,
And if I do recall
I said the word “no”
So how does that give you the right to say
“Oh boys will be boys”
*He was no boy
He was almost twenty

I will hide my heart
So you wont be afraid

A long night
Heels that could ****
Feet sore
Make up smudged
A dam of tears built
Trying to keep it in
Long drags of a cigarette
Dancing, isn’t that supposed to be fun?
Kissing, shouldn’t you like that person?
We leave the dance
We walk aimlessly
He tells me about you
He tells me about how he loves him
He tells me about how he likes you
He cries out a laugh of pain
What is one to do?
I watch her
Anger rolling off of her in waves
She yells out
“Why aren’t we drunk
Why aren’t we high
Why aren’t we so ****** up
I want to be on cloud nine”
I say nothing
I breath in my nicotine
And whisper to him
About my love
My love that loves me not
I whisper about how I wish I could throw myself into not liking him
I whisper to him about how
I hate myself
As we amble into a fast food place
I cry
Codys face haunts me
It was to be fun
A long night
Heels that could ****
feet sore
Make up smudged
My dam of tears broke

I just wanted to be your last
I just wanted to be your one and only
I just wanted to explore your mind

Your a locked wreck but I swear to god I have the key
Your a closed door but I know I can open it
Your a map but I can find that god ****** "x"

I just want to  be the last thing on your mind when you go to bed, and the first thing you think of when you wake up

I want all of your fears, all your weird little quirks
I want to be the key that opens you, and I swear to god  I know I am, but maybe I'm not

I just want to be your one and only
No I don't see us being forever, but I feel myself falling and I don't know how to stop it before it's all I am

I want you to want me
I want you
I don't even want you as much physically as mentally
I just want to know every bit of your mind
And if thats a crime, throw me in a jail

I just wanted to be your last.

Dying
Crying
All this why-ing
Can I just be alone
My eyes hurt
Hands shaking
All my thought fill this room
One minute of happy
Is all I'm asking
My fake smile
Isn't enough anymore
Tears pour
Blood shot eyes
Don't worry
I'm fine
Or maybe I'm not
Maybe all this
Is my plea for you
I'm dead inside
Or maybe I'm just
A spark
I need a light
Your burning flame
And maybe
I'll be
Alive again

You tell me you like me
When you see me falling for him
He says "I love you"
Every time he sees me
And I say it back
Ready to give away my heart
But then
I get a folded note
From you
and it made me cry
emotions so raw they ripped at my skin
And you both grab my hand at every chance you get
Both of your hearts on the line
What do I do
Tell me
What can I do for you
But keep in mind
He loves me too

This is not a love note
Folded into a tiny paper square
This is no love note
saying check yes or no
no way is this a love note
saying my love for you
is a beautiful thing
this can't be some elementary love note
passing by
passing by the unsuspecting teacher
This is no middle school love note
Shoved in your locker
No way would I write how I feel
Trying to put it all on paper
No way I'm not passing you a love note

1)Spill out your heart in a poem and write every single little detail about how he makes you feel like your body is on fire but in a good way
2)Reject your poem, and substitute the two hundred thirty nine words with three letters “hey”
3)Feel the pain of talking to someone who has no idea what flirting is
3)Tell yourself you are not taking a direct enough approach
1) Spill out your heart in poetry and write every single little detail about how he makes you feel like your body is on fire
2) reject your poem, and substitute the two hundred thirty nine words with three words “So whats up”
3)Feel the pain of talking to someone who has no idea what dating is like
4)Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
4)Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
4) Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
5)Be friends with his friends
6)Watch his favorite show
7)Imagine every good way this could end
8)Imagine every bad way this could end
9)Tell yourself you will be his friend, nothing more
10)Write two hundred and thirty nine words to tell him what he does to you
11)Wait for him to read your poetry

I am not writing to you about  how my love for you burns deep like a river
Or how I lay awake at night unable to shake the dream of us staring at the stars
Whispering our untold love expressed as wishes
And taking form of the dizzy lights in our eyes
Pushing
Pushing
Pushing
Till the words
"I love you" finally slip out
I am not writing to you about how I can only see you with hearts surrounding your ever glorified presence
And I couldn't be writing about The way my knees start shaking
My heart starts racing
And my hands can't be still when I'm around you
Unless
Maybe you feel this way too?

Do not brake
Do not accelerate
Just coast
I am traveling over icy bridges
With deep puddles diagnosed as a mood disorder
But my new doctor thinks its something more along the lines of mania
Just like my aunt
*** holes and cracks in asphalt leading to depressed down falls
Speed bumps filled with anxiety
And a deadly black ice keeps me slipping
Till I’ve lost the little control I had
I’ve started hydroplaning into guardrails made of razor blades
Every time I think I’m in the clear
Onto a warm sunny road
The freezing rain comes back
Blinding me
And I have to travel on another bridge, longer than the last
There are people honking at me to move faster
But I’ve been in car accidents before, I know the damage they do
I do not wish to be flipped over guardrails
A side show for people to slow down and gawk at
I will just coast and deal with the honking while I go over anxiety bumps
And try to avoid depressed cracks
I will not break
I will not accelerate

As a child I loved growing things
Making things live
Giving life
But in highschool
I do not want a green thumb

Set the scene
Heart beating like a drum
I let you play gardner
And I
Play the soil

You sow your seed and leave
You stop your role but I am left playing the dirt

You come back days later asking if I need water
Only to leave before I can say
"I don't want a green thumb"

If
A
Kiss
Is
Planted
On
Your
Lips
Will
I
Be
In
The
Wrong

If I could save one life

If I could save one life
I would not shed my tears

If I could stop that razors
I would not follow in shame

If I could wipe away the tears
Mine would not follow

and he's only serving 283 months
For ****** one girl they know of
Five truthfully
And more than once for all
Sodomizing at least four
Over twenty truth fully
and he's not getting charged
For breaking my heart

I would skipped dinner for a week
No a month
I would take out every piercing
I could wrap my skin in my insecurities
So you wouldn't see any scars

I would spin myself
on the tip of my melting point
just so you could feel heat
even if it slowly killed me

The crack of dawn
would be my new bestfriend
we would work tirelessly till we
till we were beautiful enough to wake up to

even if it was a wasted effort
Because you didn't tell me I looked nice today

But I would shed every pound till I was just a skeleton
If that would make you happy

Because you only fall for pretty girls
Maybe if I dyed my hair blonde
like your last girl
You would want me

I just cant help asking
If I was pretty, could I be yours?

Dear darling
I love the way you smile
The way you laugh
The weird little things you do with your hands
The way you are so afraid but so wanting
I love you

Dont ever tell me
that you dont get
what I spell out for you
because I'll put it out there till you get
I
L
O
V
E
Y
O
U