.

Infatuated with your poetry
With your big headphones
Crooked nose
The way you hold your head high
You walk with a confidence I am jealous of
You write
And I wish those words
Were for me
I wish you were writing a cast around my heart
I want to write out the feelings
Feeling that I get
Reading your poetry
Pretending you wrote for me
Pretending I am the girl with pale skin
Blowing bubble gum bubbles around your heart
I wish I was your midnight walk
I wish I was the infatuation
Infatuation of your poetry
I wish I was that temporary gravitational pull
You couldn’t get away from
I wish I was the blonde
Blonde girl
your eye was on
But I am the
olive skin girl
With pink hair
Blowing smoke rings
Around my head
Hoping to blind myself
So I can just pretend
You wrote those poems for me

I will dye my beloved brown hair blonde for you
Stand at the mirror -
I pour down the peroxide.
Knives grate my eyes and yet
they've never felt this alive
With my wild smile and
yellow hair. No longer a cub,
but a Lioness.

I will slit my wrists in the bath for you
In any case
these full veins will only take up space.
Fumes of pink against the ceramic varnish
I smile at the sight of your blood leaving me
and this bath has never felt so like home.

1,2,3
Breath
I can’t pull my head from under water

1,2,3
Inhale
1,2,3
exhale

No one told me what to do when I can’t breath
I can’t breath
Breath
breath

1,2,3

The idea
The idea that we can be together
The idea that I can hold your hand
as we watch the sun set and rise
The idea of driving at night together
Rushing pass the lights that illuminates both of our personalities
The idea of being with you is something
That tortures my body and mind
It interferes with my own reality
Creating my vision, less and less applicable
and as I take off these clouded glasses
I can finally see
I'm not in love with you
I'm in love with the Idea of you

You were amazing
I could feel your thoughts flow through my very body
Every time you spoke
Every time I caught a glimpse
Thats all I could catch
My net was to big
I was fishing for something beyond my grasp
I knew
My body knew;
because every time I want to talk
My body freezes in place,
not allowing me to walk
I was like a middle school girl around you
Except I was 16
Your Black hair
Your Opinions
Your Big dorky smile
I couldn't take it
It made me want to be around you
But it pushed me away
All of these cliches in this poem makes it lacklustre
I know
But I'm just spewing out the thoughts
that come out angrily
every time I open the book
and see your face
With the green light  next to you
Telling me to go
But i'm not mobile
So I just sigh as I close the book
Realising that your intelligence and hilarity will never be near me
Ever again

As you sit their with your white skin
blowing bubble gums
becoming one with your phone
as you research the latest drama
blasting music from the latest artist
I wonder is that all you are?
Is your beauty just the make up and attitude towards life
Now trust what I say you're gorgeous
But as you stroke your pants and you stare at me with those blank eyes
Touching your cheeks to make sure you aren't "fat"
Wearing clothes to show off your "personality"
Something about how you look
Attracts me to you
and as you nibble your finger nail
and give me a small side glance
as you quickly turn away
and imagine days on the beach
I look at you and imagine the same thing
To bad our personalities
are to distinct
To finally become one