We were alone. Again.
Even though he didn’t know it. I was with him, sitting in his closet, he never came in here so I never had to worry. Watching him sit so peaceful, he hummed, so serene. He flipped his hair back, humming, watching him, I knew we were meant to be. I felt his old shirts rubbing them between my fingers, smelling him. I leaned down and slipped off my shoes, putting on his shoes, a perfect fit. I grabbed a sock and put it in my pocket for later.
“Hello?”
A voice. Beautiful and deep, came from outside the closet. His voice, I was almost lost in it’s stupor. He was coming to take me, I just knew it. I jumped out of his closet, almost breaking the hinges, softly and lovingly I said, “I’ve been waiting for you all night”.
I pulled the knife and rope out of my pocket, being careful to keep his sock. He backed away, I didn’t understand, I just wanted him to love me.
Why doesn’t he see this is the only way we can be together? The only way we can be happy. Nearing him I spoke softly and gently. “We will finally be together”
Slitting his wrist, he gasped in pain, crumpling on the floor. Another slice and he lay so quiet. I sliced open my arm long ways, feeling my blood spill all over myself and him, I lay by him, and we were alone again.

Smoke hanging in the air
The feeling of falling is not fair
Lisping out my empty thoughts
In the form of shots
Poured out one after another
Drunk off of you
I’m intoxicated by your presence
But your love is not present
I once thought I was falling for you
But I was just falling for your lies
I was in love with those eyes
But they were just a disguise
Hiding the real you
You’re the masked bandit
Covered with lies, but all I want is truth
I want to know the real you
I want to really love you
Feeling this mutual feeling
With no mutual ground
My razor kissing my skin
Instead of your lips
I never thought falling in love
Would mean falling out
I never thought kisses
would turn into stitches
I guess thats what happens when
You get love drunk

i love you. i do, i really do. and i’m sorry if it freaks you out sometimes, but these feelings are so overwhelmingly strong that it shakes my whole system even after 2 am. i dream of you constantly and it horrifies me because they seem so real — as if i could still feel it, taste it, remember it like it happened yesterday.

i love you, and it’s scary to think that your words can break me anytime, any moment. i am vulnerable to you, and i think it’s both beautiful and sad how i easily & effortlessly gave it all up just so i could be with you. there’s just something — God knows what — that made me want to be with you even though i’m aware that you’re galaxies away from me.

i love you, and i love how i feel beautiful when you say that you are in love with me too. God, you are my favorite. i must admit that i have kissed & loved enough boys to know what brokenness truly feels like, but you mended me just like i’m something familiar, something you’ve been fixing your entire life. it’s a sick, mad world we’re living in, but you make it seem less agonizing whenever i hear you say those three words at 3 am, 4 pm, or 11 pm.

i’m in love with you, and it’s more intoxicating than the cigarettes and the alcohol i’ve taken in my whole life combined, and i don’t even want to be sober. you are the high even without the drug. you are the euphoria even without the ******* (beautiful) fireworks. you are the emotion even without the words.

i love you, and it’s okay if you can’t put it into words — how you feel — because even the silence i spend with you is enough to give me butterflies in my empty stomach. i don’t know what time it is, but it’s past midnight, and i’m still writing about you. i am a mess for and because of you, and my handwriting is proof. you shake my system even when you’re not there, and my dear, this is rare.

i love you dearly, with all honestly, and with all faithfulness. and i can’t help but think about you, every **** day. you’re both my drug and my antidote. my poem. my sunlight, my stars. my soul.

and i hope you love me too, as much as i love you.

Men don't cry
But maybe these tears are the past,
Waiting to be let out
Or fear of the future,
Afraid I might follow those footsteps
Men don't cry
But these tears are very real
These lips are trembling
I cannot speak
My nose is a stuffed torrent
My eyes are flooding
My vision is clouding
Men don't cry
But I'm sobbing into my pillow
Men don't cry
But I keep on falling apart
Men don't cry
But I lost it
MEN.
DON'T.
CRY.
...But I've broken today

I was born white
turning pink

6 years young
they added black and green
wonder why I grew up so fast
I spent so long not realizing
something was wrong

10 brings tragedy
slight grey and silver
to me and my family

12 years young
with so much blue, black and lust
very ****** up little girl
trusted the wrong people

12 also brought a striking bit of gold
but the blue was too strong
too icy, too dark, too cold

14 and you'd never guess
what I've turned into
black and black and black and grey
then finally met enough red
to make me feel okay

15, 16 red was my life
a pulse, a heartbeat
finally happy and alright
soon though comes doubt
and black seeps back in
how did this happen
I was just a kid

16, 16, the last straw
I can't face red anymore
and red was not
the strong color I thought it to be
red faded, receded from me

17, oh, don't look at me
don't look closely
you won't like what you see
as each addiction returns
bringing friends
my life I've wanted to end
for quite some time now
I'm such a gross color

17 is such a great time
to cut short the life of a girl
who has no colors
invisible
nothing

Smoke hanging in the air
The feeling of falling is not fair
Lisping out my empty thoughts
In the form of shots
Poured out one after another
Drunk off of you
I’m intoxicated by your presence
But your love is not present
I once thought I was falling for you
But I was just falling for your lies
I was in love with those eyes
But they were just a disguise
Hiding the real you
You’re the masked bandit
Covered with lies, but all I want is truth
I want to know the real you
I want to really love you
Feeling this mutual feeling
With no mutual ground
My razor kissing my skin
Instead of your lips
I never thought falling in love
Would mean falling out
I never thought kisses
would turn into stitches
I guess thats what happens when
You get love drunk