Sitting next to you in class
After everything went down the way it did
Is scalding water on my skin
burning away any of my healing flesh
that I had grown since I last saw you

I knew you were raw
I would be too
5 years is an infinity to me
I cant imagine
but I feel so raw
without you now
I understand as much as I dont want to

You disappeared as quickly as you came
And I mean that in a ***** way
But I never told anyone that
Quick comer and faster goer

I get by on pretending that you look at me when I look away
I have no way to prove that you do
I like to think that you would
Even though you have her to look at

There are not enough words in the world
not enough hours of sleep
not enough alcohol or drugs
to remove your face from my brain

Watching you treat her was supposed to make me forget you
It makes me want you more
It makes me want to be her
Not her, but in her place I mean because I could treat you better

(I couldn't treat you better)

My hair is black, my eyes are black
Genetics did that
Which is strange because my parents features aren't dark

It's been so nice out lately
The sun shines so brightly through my blinds
Turning my room into a gray and yellow striped abyss

I wish you were in my bed with me when the sun shines brightly
Running your hands through my black hair
Staring into my black eyes
And intertwining your fingers with mine
Of course with painted black nails

I wake up a lot during the night
My eyes betray me
I see your figure curved against mine

It isn't you but a shadow, illusion of my mind
It is darkness
Black

Big, strong hands over my hands
Which aren't very small
And that's why I liked your hands
Made me feel small

I don't do much with my hands
I think about what you might do with yours
Perhaps you play guitar
Or lift weights or make things
Like bird houses or fix cars

I have chipped nail polish
Black like the night as it is
I should fix it
But I don't do much with my hands
Except for when it comes to you

Hands upon hands
Grasping clasping wishing wanting
Desperate for more

As I hypothesize what you do with your hands

There was nothing poetic
About the way you couldn't really kiss that well
Or how I didn't know if you liked me, you made it hard to tell

But you probably did that on purpose
You made me feel like I had no purpose
That was easy to tell
And I knew it all too well

There was nothing poetic about the way you held my arms above my head
And straddled me in my own bed

There was nothing poetic about your lack of eye contact
And for that manner, lack of any tact

But there's something poetic about knowing what you were
A blue eyed monster in my bed
Trapped inside my head