I LIKE TO WALK WITH MY EYES CLOSED AND IT FEELS LIKE NOTHING MATTERS AT THAT MOMENT AND ITS LIKE IM WALKING ON AIR AND THAT SONG IS IN MY EARS AND I FEEL LIKE NOTHING MATTERS THEN I HEAR NOISE IN BETWEEN THE SONGS AND IM AWAKE AND I OPEN MY EYES AND I HATE EVERYTHING AND I DONT LIKE YOU AND I DONT LIKE MYSELF AND I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I CLOSE MY EYES AND KEEP WALKING I DONT WANT TO SEE ANYTHING I DONT WANT ANYONE TO SEE ME IF I CANT SEE YOU YOU CANT SEE ME
that fogged up window it was real and your face right next to mine it was real and your hand holding mine it was real and our breathing (you inhale/i exhale) it was real and your mouth on mine it was real
long sleeves are coming back and "i'm just cold" is coming back and stinging arms in the shower are coming back and "oh, um, my cat scratched me" is coming back and it's all coming back because honestly, it has never left
i open my eyes and i'm not okay i sit down try to put contacts in and i'm not okay i think about last night and i'm not okay i don't want to go outside today i'm not okay