below are notes from various people (all imagined) to Karma...

NOTE 1
Dear Karma
You're doing a great job -
people are in deep **** as they deserve
But what I don't understand is -
why me too?

NOTE 2
Dear Karma
I've got a hit list
of people
you've missed

NOTE 3
Dear Karma
I can see so many ambitious
becoming downright failures
as they justly deserve to be -
but how come
I'm still at the bottom of the ladder?


NOTE 4
Dear Karma
Life's not fair  -
I punched the guy next door
straight on his tummy
and he broke my arms and legs


NOTE 5
Dear Karma
You're somewhat erratic
I invited the beggars into my house
and they stole everything
Is that how it's supposed to work?
I don't see my reward in this;
I don't even get to be famous like Mother Teresa

NOTE 6
Dear Karma
All the baddies
are doing well
but why does a good guy
like me fare so bad?


NOTE 7
Dear Karma
You can do no wrong
as you're keeping things exactly
as they should be -
I'm doing superb;
everybody else is ******* up
That's the way I like it

let there be no bitterness in my heart
no regrets, no judgement that berates
let me walk on my path,
let there be birds that shall sing
let there be joy in my heart
and may that be shared by those that I
might meet on my way

let me not value, nor pass sentence
let me not frown, or smirk
let me have my path that is radiant
with no system, nor ownership
free of labels
and may I walk that way, my own
let there be the sun, the moon and space
all things that exist, in their nature
and let those Mighty Here and Above
know I will not follow nor will be followed
and if it need be, may others be pleased
when they shall see me pass by

it just hit me
how dead
snail mail is

Going on this trip
I told my grandson,
with measured exaggeration:
“I’ll send you a letter
the moment I get there”

“Yes, send me an A,”  he said

Mapel retired, and felt old
within a week;
and so she went for a walk
and in the neighbourhood
she saw an old man on his rocking chair
at his porch
yet  seeming young

And so Mapel asked:
"What's your secret
that you look so young
and sprightly? "

And the old man replied:
"My secret? I smoke daily
and drink countless glasses
I eat no vegetables
and meat is all I put in
Exercise is unnecessary
and watching TV is better than sleep"

"How old are you?"asked Mapel
amazed...

*"Oh, I'm twenty-five"

I came out of my consulting room
and there seated in the corner
was a patient - a man with a frog
growing out on top of his head

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed
to the monstrosity
(dropping my usual doctor's reserve)
"How did this happen to you?"

And the frog replied:
*"I don't know, doctor!
It just started off
as a pimple on my ****!"

Beats me how silly
people can be

I ordered online
part 669
but they sent me 699

I sent it back -
and would you believe it? -
6 times again and again
those nuts
sent me part 699
instead of part 669 that I asked for

Beats me how silly
people can be
for when I sent it back the seventh time
they sent me 699 again, with a note:
“Turn box other way round”

Now, why didn’t they tell me that
the first time round?
Beats me how silly
people can be

times change
but it's always
the same old problem


The Past
"Grandma, I'm marrrying
a black guy," said Lucia
"What the hell!" cursed Grandma

The Present
"Grandma, I'm marrying
Mike,"  says David
"What the F^^^!" curses Grandma

The Future, c. 2035
"Grandma, I'm marrying
a robot," Lucy says
"What the #^@!" Grandma curses

My robot died yesterday
May 14, 2035
A little tap and a squeeze
on my shoulder
and it gasped:
"Goodbye, master -
I'll see you in Heaven"
And then a few clicks
and a few kicks
and it lay down still and silent

And at its funeral
I intoned all 3 final words
with the deepest love and gratitude:
*"Rust in  Peace"

Little Tim and Little Sam
were playing by a stream
and Tim went off
to ease himself
and Sam grew impatient
waiting so long for him;
and so he ran along
to catch up with Tim

And there was Tim
behind a tree
at the stream
looking at a naked woman swim -
so Tim and Sam,
both growing boys, stood
side by side watching the phenomenon

And suddenly Tim ran off
and Sam followed his friend
and catching his breath, he said:
Why did you run away?

And Tim's reply was
to the point, and firm:
*My mom warned me
if I looked at a woman naked
I'd turn to stone -
and how true, for while at the stream
I felt something of me harden!

1)
See, **** Susan is on holiday
and she's made her way
to the hotel roof
on her second day
**** Susan takes off her dress
and in her bikini
she sunbathes on the roof
"Ah, this is the life," she says
"The sun and the roof all to myself"

2)
See, **** Susan on her third day
this time
sunbathing stark naked
on the roof
and she turns over
with her buttocks to the sky
and the native  hotel bellboy
comes running up
and panting
and from an official distance he says:
"Madam, I humbly beg you
put on bikini at least
like you did yesterday"

And see **** Susan smirking
and she says:
"What's the problem,  kid?
No one's gonna see me here"

"But madam," says the cringing native
*"You are lying face down
on our high-tech one-way vision
dining-hall skylight roof"