niqniq

niqniq Apr 2019

your voice cracks under the weight of your words
and i'm left trying to piece you back together

niqniq Mar 2019

I've heard about the princesses
Who saved themselves from their dragons
Without the need of handsome fleets
Or dramatic true love's kisses
But I wish I knew
Before I hung onto
My knight in shining armour

niqniq Feb 2019

define it for me, will you?

make up your mind
i'm getting tired
tell me what love is
and i'll tell you if i love you

niqniq Feb 2019

c r u s h e d

I worry so
Although I keep saying that I'm alright
Everyone believes and thinks I'm happy
No one sees that I've already lost the fight

The light within is flickering
My faith is slowly withering
I had placed a band-aid on my bullet hole
But now all the blood is hindering

This lion has lost his roar
This angel's feathers are burnt and bent
All I ask is for your forgiveness
For down the rabbit hole I went

I listen and glare at the clock
Daring it to say that I will one day be fine
But as for now, my friends number their crushes
While I get crushed by the numbers of time

niqniq Feb 2019

do you?

do you feel it?
do you still feel it?
do you feel the hand
snaking up your thigh
as you sit there
wondering why
why you feel it
why you still feel it

i hate how it goes
trailing up to my throat
it's not a joke
please, it's not a joke

i still feel my hands
pulled back and helpless
against this sick
disturbing
covered-up mess

oh, do you feel it?
'cause i still feel it

and then they shush me up
when i try to explain
when i try to make sense
of the mess
of the pain

do you feel it?
'cause i feel it
i still feel it
i might forever feel it

#childhood #abuse

niqniq Nov 2018

the unknown scares me

i never know if i'm sinking
or if i'm already at the bottom
or if i'm even going in
the right direction
because there is suffocating darkness
where I am
and that means
i'm not the slightest close to
the surface

My nightmares usually are of me in the middle of the sea, not knowing what's lurking under me, not knowing what's watching above. Not knowing whether to start swimming or to stay and wait.

niqniq Nov 2018

December 8, 2017 (6:41 pm)

Quiet household
They do not hear
Loud whispers
Harsh reminders
They very much feel

I have 14 tiny moles did you know
I can count
I count when they fight
I count when my mother couldn't
count on my father

We don't talk when we fix
We huff when we move
We hiss when one makes a sound

I tie the broken nylon guitar string
Just for fun
Around my neck
It hurts a bit but
This kind of pain is not as bad as
The one I'm trying to rid myself of

My sister tries to listen to them
My brothers distract themselves
I write these things
I hear my father yell

THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN

We'll be alright.

The precise date and time was when this event happened.
My family isn't perfect. I could tell you that we're dysfunctional and at times, especially during my earlier childhood years, abusive.
But we're trying.

#dysfunctional #abusive #families #pain #fights