It's very suffocating to be around people that don't plan on doing anything in life and seem to be content with the way their life has settled while all I need is that feeling of content that I can't ever seem to reach, especially not when i'm stuck in the same place, with the same people for the past years.

It's crazy how fast people can drift apart despite the promises of staying together.
What's even crazier though is that you know all these things about them that you're just stuck with until you're able to let them go; their secrets and quirks and the way their eyes sparkle as you surprise them with gifts and love.
It's those things that make it so much harder to walk past them and act as if you haven't seen intimate parts of them. You make awkward eye contact that lasts less than a second and mumble a "Hey" before continuing on your way. As if they're just some old acquaintance, even though at some point you were each other's world.

It's not that im in a "bad mood" or "mad at you." There's just days when my tongue feels heavy in my mouth and it takes too much effort to move it, let alone form a coherent thought.
My mind is at times blank and i can't feel my heart beat; I am a walking skeleton, the only reminder that i'm actually alive is the sound of my own heavy breathing and the slight shaking of my hands.
There's just days when i'm awfully nervous, for no reason. I'd rather keep quiet than explain how i'm feeling to someone that wouldn't understand.

I fell in and out of love and that was a rollercoaster, but I don’t regret a single part of it.
I felt like I was on top of the world at some point. I don’t have that feeling so much anymore..
but as time passes, my heart heals and I know I’ll be okay.