I didn't want to be lonely;
I just wanted to be alone.
And I know that sometimes
silence can be your best-friend,
but I needed something
so much more than that.
Now I'm stricken with this
resentment;
this unsettling feeling that my
attempts at isolation have been
nothing but selfish-acts of
pitiful-shame.
I need someone now
more than ever,
but I can't seem to admit
my need.

Held and gripped by symmetrical lines
Into forms virtually incomplete
Capsized by a separation of self
Gone unabridged to calculations
But I count seconds like sheep
While the rest of you weep
In a bed utterly soaked
In transcendental dream work of the lost
Still a pitiful sigh is given
To the most vicious lie never told
Held inside patterned breaths
Not yet realized by a focused soul
Bringing down walls is a constant exercise of fear
Blankets of memories do not hide truths unspoken
Lips do…

In 56 days, my life will amazingly change
In 56 days all old habits will feel strange
In 56 days, I will not be the same man
In 56 days I will hold something precious in my hands
In 56 days, my heart will being to melt
In 56 days, I hope that she will be out
In 56 days, the world will welcome someone new
In 56 days, I will be the happiest person you ever knew
In 56 days I will be a father to a daughter 
In 56 days I will forever be kinder and softer
In 56 days I get to meet my baby girl
In 56 days, I get to show her off....to the world!!

We are all
just lifetimes
searching for
       infinities.
     And the broken
    parts or who
we were
      should never
          be excluded
   from the beauty
of what we
are.
     -Andrew Durst

"Not giving a ****"
and "acceptance"
are two entirely
different things.

        One lets you
   walk away,
           and the other
        lets you sleep
   with yourself at night.

   Don't mistaken the two for
          being the same.

Tender are the moments spent on cloud pillows with blanket memories
Once solid visions turn to merely smells of a gusting by past
Recollections found in the wind taste of a sweet spontaneity
Held by hearts that never let go, and minds that casually forget
A thumping from within never quiet beneath the skin
To the dreams ran away from that fill watery eyes
Merely to awaken to an empty world that a heart may despise
Never to return as the sun does after the coldest night
Defining a realization that alone, now, one must fight
As the half that promised to never leave has all but gone away
Yet always trapped in daydreams, in an almost timeless kind of way