Only if they knew the real you.....

Not the YOU I write continuously about in my journal, but the real YOU.

I wonder if they would have guessed when I wrote that you  graze my skin it really justified that you gripped my throat harshly after I spilt your coffee on accident.

Or the tears streaming down my face, no, it wasn't tears of joy like I resemble but after your hand print engraved into my right cheek

If they would know, they would ask me why I stay with you...
The truth is... we can't give up, not yet.

Everyday I wake up and hope you are a little happier, I'm not your human punching bag, but even if everything was perfect for us and not this massive treacherous relationship we hide behind our **** drapes.

I know things will go back the way they use to and not how they are now, soon I will really feel your love for me again, it won't be my brain tricking me into what I really want, your love. It will be real. Like it use to be.

As he looked out of the moving train, he noticed how fast the trees disappear, how many houses live so close together. He noticed Every little thing about his surroundings, so he wouldn't remember, her.

And his mind quickly falls to their memories. Wondering what she is doing right now. Is she sobbing in her dark room while clutching their picture to her chest? Was she declining the dinner her mother laid upon the kitchen table, maybe she is even taking long walks just thinking about me.

Is she even thinking about me? Especially as frequently as I am thinking of her....

I knew what I was doing when my legs carried me to the train, as warm tears laid  upon my checks.
When it was my time to go, I believed you would never let go. If you didn't unclench your fist I never would have left.

Drugs, alcohol, planes, car crashes, depression, and love......

All these things that can destroy you but you have hurt me the most......

At the end of the day,
There are other beautiful men
And other gorgeous women
In the world.
At the end of the day,
Your kiss
Will not be the last one
I ever taste.
At the end of the day,
I know that some other
Pretty face
Will one day catch my eye.
At the end of the day,
You will not be
The only one
To ever make my sides hurt
With laughter.
At the end of the day,
I actually can
Listen to that song
Without crying.
At the end of the day,
I am sure that
I will find
Someone else
Exactly like you.
At the end of the day,
I know
That you are not
The last person
That I will ever love.
But at the end of the day,
No one,
No one,
Will ever have my heart
The way that you do.

Who knew, if she loved him out of pity, love, sadness, or even if it was simply that she wanted to dance with the devil? Maybe just for one night she wanted to feel alive, and not just sitting in her room reading a book.

Her books took her to many places: the forest, a mysterious mans condo, a laboratory, hiking, and even Paris. This time, she just wanted to feel it for her self. She wanted to go out and let out a deep breath. Even though her mind was telling her not to do it, she did it anyways. Just for the faint reason she knew she never would have done it for a million years.

Maybe that's what she loved about him. Knowing she could be anyone, and do anything. Even if it was for one night.

I wanted you to hold my hand a little tighter this time. Like you would never come back. Hold me like this was our first hug,  and my warmth was foreign to you.

Tell me that you love me just a little more. So when I'm sad at midnight and you're  silently sleeping I can have a faint memory of when  you needed me.

I wish I held your hand more and listened when you complained about the silliest things.

I wish I held on to your arm tighter and maybe you would have stayed, I look for you in the places you would never be. Maybe you believe that would be the last place I checked.

Your name in my journal has smeared from my tears. that sweater you gave me is always, always near. Our picture is always in my hand and our memories always in my mind. I swear I would pay my soul to have your heart here.. with me.. where it belongs...