It’s so hard to grieve the loss of someone who’s still here.
Holding my breath just to hide the fear.
Where did I go wrong believing in ghosts?

I never told you I loved you
because I don’t.
At least, not in the way you think  

I never gave you my best
because you never really gave me yours.
At least, not when it mattered

I could give you a thousand tries
and you still wouldn’t see.
Your issue will always be you,
it was never with me.

☕︎‎

I want to be the light leaking through your kitchen window.

The fresh juice.
Warm muffins.
Birds singing.
Coffee brewing.

                                                    But,
                                                I am not.


I’m the leaky faucet you still haven’t got around to fixing.

The orange peels.
Burnt toast.
Cracked eggs.
Broken mug.

                                        Breakfast ruined.

𓇋

I want to vanish like a bobby pin,
dissipate into the smoke that fills your lungs,
hide between the words of every lie you’ve ever told,
in the crevices of this fractured foundation.
I just want to disappear for a little while.

Will you still love me when I'm laying in bed fantasizing my demise
While you're trying so hard to make me believe its worth it
When you realize I can't hear you no matter how loud you scream?

Will you still love me when the tears fall faster than the thoughts inside
When these soft hands are too fragile to hold
While I watch it seek and destroy?

Will you still love me when I grow up and things are still the same
When all the beauty you pour into me only gets greeted with misery
While I'm stuck inside this rotten head of mine?

Will you still love me when the flower begins to wither and the roots begin to show?

Will you still love me?

Heavy, heavy, heavy,
I think my lungs are gonna collapse


My body just feels so heavy and i am just so tired

My eyes are closing, everything's soft now


I love you too