Sometimes, when love grows,
it does not run wild, like haphazard branches
of a tree you wanted to stand beside.

It does not unravel like a birthday present,
hidden deep under layers of suspense,
and adventure.

It does not swirl around the world like a rainbow,
celebrating first touches, accidental eye contacts,
and naked phone calls.

Sometimes, when love grows,
it grows like the lines of a poem which once marked
tombstones around your heart.

It sticks like a fresh bruise under your feet,
and makes you want to run,
behind butterflies and stars.

It grows like a seed in your throat,
every-time you gulp, it scalps a little skin,
and heart.

Sometimes, when love grows,
it outgrows you.

– Mayank Arora

II. Sometimes, love dies.

Sometimes, love dies like the falling autumn leaves
That swirl in a storm
And before you know it, the summer is over.

Sometimes, love dies like the ever widening spaces in midnight phone conversations,
Just like the crackle over the line swallows your soul,
Love swallows you whole.

It’s musty rankness creeps up on you in the middle of your third dance,
When your lipstick begins to fade and the cocktail has gone stale.
Love fails.

Sometimes love reeks of broken dreams
And heaving, bruised promises.
It stinks of the clamor for survival against all odds. Though it boasts of battle sores,
Sometimes, love loses the war.

Sometimes love dies,
Fading away faster than the colours of the polaroid
That made love grow in the first place.
Sometimes, love renders lovers faceless.

Sometimes, when love dies,
It ends the lies,
Just so you can live a little.

As I grow, I learn. My desires from a relationship have changed over the course of time. Now I no longer want someone who says they would be with me forever, and I no longer want someone who says they would never leave me. I am not looking for someone who is always neatly dressed up, or wears shiny shoes, or has an amazing sense of humour or has great guitar playing skills. I am not looking for someone who has the false sense of love, and thinks that love is finding that one perfect person, or someone who is trying to check items off their list while they search for "the one". I want someone who understands that "the one" is a fairy tale, and though fairy tales do happen in real life, they take much more work than the Cinderella finding her prince charming by walking into a party. Every fairy tale ends with "happily ever after", I want someone who realizes that the "happily ever afters" are a lot of hard work. As I grow, I have learnt that the physical traits matter less and less and loyalty and undivided attention are the most important traits in a relationship. I don't want someone who sugar coats everything, and never gets angry at anything. I want someone who is raw, and real, and tells me how it really is. I am more interested in someone who realizes that sometimes life happens and sometimes things don't work out. I want to be able to make a conversation with them, for four hours straight, and not feel bored, and not feel unwanted and not feel like they are not listening. I want someone who wants to know how my day was, always. As I grow, I have learnt that privacy is important, and there is only so much time that we all have on this earth and only so many people that we can spend it with. I want someone who wants to spend their time with me as much as I want to spend time with them, any less is just not good enough. I want someone who admits that they really like my company rather than playing games, alas, modern dating, games have become the norm, and I don't have time or patience to play along. As I grow, I have learnt, that I am complete by myself, and I don't need anyone to define my existence, but you can make me so much better. I want to be stronger with you, and grow with you, together, and individually. To tell you the truth - no, I don't need you - but I really want you. And all of this, that you realize that we are two very different people, and that we are just starting to know each other, and that we might not work out, and everything else about our relationship, makes me think that this might actually work, that we've got a pretty good shot.

I have always wondered
If I died,
if you would have attended my funeral
But I never imagined I'd be going to yours

I've been struggling for quite a while trying to find a series of words to express my happiness in a series of situations.
It's not that I am unhappy. It's simply the idea of happiness doesnt hit you at 3 AM when you're halfway through a mental breakdown, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle back to get rid of the breezes of air that rush through your memories turning your heart into a shattered piece of ice. Happiness is not wishing you were still young and foolish, letting him convince you that he's still in love with you.

Happiness is living with your cold heart on your sleeve, dancing in the rain even if it's just metaphorical, and loving a guy that will never love you back when knowing you'll probably end up being hurt again. It's sitting across your laptop trying to find the right way to explain when you're happy to a bunch of sad souls sitting across from their screens too trying to find refuge in other people's words, trying to find hope that the happiness they're looking for is found by someone else and that they will eventually find it too.