I look at my purple and yellow flesh.
Smile at the memory of where you have been.
The harsh and heavy marks of our love.
I bite my bottom lip and press my thighs tight.
Stifle moans from the ache it brings.
Explosions raddle my brain and i wish to be with you again.
I trace the indention of rope along my wrists.
The thin line between pain and pleasure.
How we crossed it; played hop-scotch with it.
I giggle to the excitement of my battered soul.
The snap and crack of a flogger on my back.
Spiders crawl down my spine with the words,
"You are mine."

I owe you everything.
You taught me with love and reason.
In turn i am better a person and i love you.
And i cannot stand how someone as pure and as friendly as you is guna let something as disgusting and ugly as smoking **** you.
I cannot fathom how you would rather do that and allow it to destroy your lungs to the point of needing removal then to quit and live long enough to watch your grandchildren grow up.
I cannot understand how instead of seeking help in your times of need you will instead shrivle up inside your house and not answer my calls because you dont wanna hear how my children dont even know who you are.
Im sorry that i am selfish and want my mother to be in their lives.
Im sorry that i want you to teach them and love them the way you have done me.
Im sorry i need for you to continue going because i cant imagine a life without you in it.
Im sorry im not okay with your life choices.
Im sorry i love you so much that i dont wanna be without you.
But im not sorry actually. At all. Because i dont believe im wrong.
I dont believe that my views on this arent important.
And i dont believe you when you say everythings guna be alright.
Its not alright?!!
Its not. And im not sorry and im not okay.
Im so angry and aggrivated and sad and hurt and i dont know how to handle it.