I try to sleep
I don't deserve it
I try to eat
I don't deserve it
I try to speak
I don't deserve it

I can see their pain
They don't deserve this
I did this to them
They don't deserve this

I watch the blade
I deserve this
I feel the pain
I deserve this

Pain is all I need

When I close my eyes
Sometimes I dream

When Mom wasn't alone
When she was happy
Where I wasn't alone
When I was happy

When she said yes instead of no
Where I wouldn't be alone anymore

But that's just a dream

The heartache isn't

It hurts so much

Why didn't she choose me?

Muddled dreams of chaos and oblivion
Wake up, feel the breeze from the window
Open the bottle, swallow your feelings
Drown the colour in grey
Put on a smile, put on your mask
Go to the table and eat
The motions of the day go by
I’m still typing onto a blank slate
With a blank stare
Empty heart
I can feel my mask breaking
Keep up the act
Smile and push on
Swallow your feelings
Put the plates into their places
In the sanctuary the mask falls
The smile is gone
Time for another trivial day of life
Haphazardly put on the mask
I'm just tired
I'm fine
Don't worry please
Clean and walk
The melody drifts into my ears
At last, a true smile
Through the door, the chains are off
The boundless energy is out and gone
Open the bottle
Swallow your feelings
The darkness is an empty void
I fear this loneliness
Me and the dark aren't so different
Suppressed
Rest eludes me
Does even my sleep hate me
Smile and cry
Consumed by exhaustion
Collapse into nothingness
Swallow the pills, they keep you normal
Swallow your feelings
Until you can't eat any more
Until you break again
Until this hell is over
So put on a mask
Swallow the pills
Smile and laugh
Until we repeat it all again tomorrow

My eyes are so heavy
The monster is wide awake
I can hardly move
Its tail lashes back and forth
My head hurts so much
The claws are wrapped around me
My stomach is so empty
The monster is full
This  feeling inside
The monster calls to me
This monster inside
No
This monster that I am
It lives with me
It can die with me
I can hardly stay awake
It's getting tired
My body won't move
It's getting slower
The hunger is so painful
It's getting hungry
The feeling inside
It's pulling me in
But the monster won't let it
This monster that I am
No
This monster that we are
Maybe it isn't so bad
Just maybe

The mask is off
Pity
That's what you gave me
You treat me like glass
I'm not broken

The mask is on
Normal
That's what you are
You talk to me without sadness
I'm not broken

I don't need your pity
It's what pushed me over the edge

When I was alone
You were there
When I was down
You lifted me up
When i was crying
You shed tears with me
When I was in the dark
You showed me the path
When I held the knife
You stopped my hand
When I looked up
You smiled
When I was speechless
You said what I couldn't
When I found you
I had a treasure I could hold
When I found you
I had my reason to carry on
Thank you

Broken glass
Broken me
Open bottle
Open me
Watching monsters
Watching me
Looking glass
Looking me
Solid mask
Solid me
Wishing star
Wishing me
Calling out
Calling me
Waiting patiently
Waiting me
Closing eyes
Closing me
Dreaming big
Dreaming me
Inside pain
Inside me
Sleeping dark
Sleeping me
Holding you
Holding me
Loving me
Loving you

I know who I love
I don't care that you don't approve
I know who I want to be
I don't care what you think
I know who I am
I don't care about you
I know I'm stable
I don't care if you try to change me
Good luck

Being Bored
Like an opportunity
To create something new
Boredom can be a good friend
Or cause you to lose your mind
A gift of creation
A curse of destruction
All being bored does
Is make words in your head
Mess with your brain
Boredom can bless us
Boredom can destroy us
Creating and destroying
Eventually
Everything gets boring
Nothing can escape boredom

If only I had a moment
To tell you how I feel
If only I had a moment
To find the words
If only I had a moment
To speak my mind
If only I had a moment
To be beside you again
If only I had a moment
To think about my choice
If only I had a moment
To stop myself
If only I had a moment
To stay strong
If only I had a moment
To say what I needed to
If only I had a moment
To sing our song
If only I had a moment
To watch the sky with you again
If only I had a moment
To stand up
If only I had a moment
To be brave
If only I had a moment
To stop the blade
If only I had a moment
To say goodbye
If only I had a moment
Just one moment
before I died

Cool air
Clouds so fair
Rocky ridges
Trees as bridges
Sunset sky
Baby birds fly
Lakes reflecting
People connecting
Mountains so high
They touch the sky

What would you do
If I slid the knife across my skin
What would you say
If I said goodbye
Who would you tell
If I left forever
Who would you trust
If I was gone
Where would you go
If I drifted off the path
Who would you love
If I left you behind
What would you do
If we never crossed paths first
When would you leave
If I left without a word
When would we meet again
If we both strayed from the path
Where would we be
If we left together

What we say should not define us
What we do should not define us
But it does
The world hates those who differ
The world hates who we are
I fell in love with someone I shouldn't
I am not defined by who I love
I am not defined by what I say
I am not defined by how I act
I am Me
You are You
This is who we are
This is who I am