Do we got ghosties
up in hurr?

I've finally made
a piece of music that
breaks my heart
to play.

Don't be afraid to be a mammal,
designed to laze.
Learn a lesson from the kittens,
eat, sleep, play.
Shame has no place
saying the day was a waste.
Society pushes productivity,
filling every second with money-making,
side jobs, schemes.
Take a seat society,
let us dream nonsense dreams.
Let us use time to sit back,
soak in the sun,
and smile.

I've stayed at my mom's
an extra week and a half
because my car's transmission crashed
anxious to get back
but laying late in my old bedroom
which nibbles at me
filled to the brim with
eighteen years of my life
I start to cry, to pray
that the mechanic calls
and tells me it'll take him
a few more days

clean sheets
straight-out-of-the-laundry clothes
a cool wind
sighing through the window
these are the quiet moments
of the world
that I yern to share
to gently
swirl my fingers through hair
feel bare back to my skin
trace veins in shoulders
but it always seems like
I tell myself
"When you're older Dan
when you're older..."

I'm a wreck
I'm ******
I stare in the mirror wishing it was
a truck
I want the headlights
in my blue eyes
I want to sleep with her
in my arms tonight
******* it this *****
I'm friendless here
I'm drunk here
I'm faded and jaded
misplaced and disgraced
I want a fresh start
I want a new brain
With less thoughts and feelings
less staring at the ceiling
Lately all I can imagine is Eddie
and Ryan and Alyssa
she hung herself
Ryan ODed
Eddie in a car crash
Grandpa Jerry in surgery
Grandma Cherry in her sleep
Grandpa Con soon after Eddie's retreat
Come on Death, give me a break
or give me a grave
or give me another beer
so I can disappear

I've got this sinking
feeling in my chest
I hate to say I've got
to go
when we just
met

But I hope
you know
That if I
controlled the clocks
I'd set them back
so I could
spend the time
I wish I had
with you.

Like a plague they spread
out through the valley,
the shining field consumed
by war machines and beasts
lead by a vile horde,
half-human, cruel grins and shouts
as bile falls from their mouths

jeans soaked through,
clinging to skin and sweat
beaded, dripping past my brow,
grey slosh seeped into shoes
that won't be dry by morning,
when I cram them back on,
trudging, soon after dawn,
to resume the routine,
prep unbelievable amounts of food,
clean never ending stacks of dishes,
growing suspicious that this is it,
life after school,
just grinding myself to bits,
so when I finally get a day off,
all I want to do is sit, and pretend  
I don't exist.

It's been four days
**** free
only had one respectable beer
for the flavor
already feeling upbeat
new melodies
pour from my finger tips
instead of alcohol
into a cup to forget existence
I must have been such a fool
for so long
good riddance

I just want to
live in the lazer lights
And breath in
the thumps of the bass

When I set sail for times of old
I see a vision, my friend set in stone
his spirit free to roam on the wind
as my days are past I'll see you again

My eyes are raised up to the sky
A final farewell for you who have died
I'll raise the flag, hoist it with pride
if only to honor my brother whose died

When we're so lost in this whirlwind of pain
I feel you still, our tears fall like rain
Hold your head high, even when crippled and lame
This world without you is never the same

many illegal substances
have coursed through my veins
but the one that's killing me
can be bought totally legally
at any gas station
while legal drug lords
bathe in the spoils
made out of me
and this pack of
Turkish Royals

Lately I just
               sit
               in    silence

the highway lanes began to spread
like my veins, full of life
criss-crossing, bobing, weaving
and my heart began to pulse
so **** fast
faster than the cars that passed me
going eighty, cruising
driving a little reckless
despite having my whole life
packed in the back
of a ten foot Uhaul
everything I own bouncing
up and around
while heat waves
swam from the ground

That's when it really sank in
everything I've grown to know
is changing

More okay things?
No anger?
I need more laughter.

An acid trip disaster,
left him mentally shattered
for a few hours.

Everything is *****.
Take a shower!
I can't go in that giant sink.
Then go to sleep!

More okay things?
We could move planets with this.
No anger.
More okay things!?

Irish, a little girl,
escapes out a window
into a downpour.
She laughs with her hands up,
trying to catch each drop,
until her mom bursts out,
yelling, pulling her back.
The courtyard is still
except the rain
and muffled shouts,
"Why do you do this, Irish?
Why do you do this to me?"

All my favorite writers
are vacant from this space
there is no trace
their heart felt out pours
crushed under a wave
of generic love poems
of fast writen mud
I scroll past
empty rhyme after empty rhyme
where are you?
where did my poetic friends go?
We broke like the last splash
on the shore of a dried up lake
These new words feel fake
to those whose souls I loved
I hope you are still penning
somewhere
I hope your ink still stains pages
and that someday
I'll read your names in a book
or I'll find you on a journey
and once again hear your words
that sent my heart
into a flurry

Roof tops, dancing,
she's all alone in her sun flower dress.
I'm caught romancing,
haven't given my best in quite some time.
Wanna fall through it all with her,
land on my bed, take off that dress,
and press my hips to hers,
our skin saying things
we can't with words,
wether we're soft, gentle,
or bound up with chords.
The shaking a shimmy,
to shrive off ill feeling, hate,
the gasps to capture
the musk given off by our heat.
We will collapse, panting,
entangling our feet,
everything else will fall off
like your sun flower dress,
black and yellow,
mellow,
mellow,
mellow...

I miss you in the morning
when the sun peaks through the blinds,
I miss you in the afternoon
when I'm working all the time,
I miss you in the evening
when I close my weary eyes.
All I want is to tell you I love you,
to hold you through the night.

She whispered while we lay
"I don't regret anything"
which brought forth a chuckle
from my gut
"So I'm not a hated heartbreaker?"
"No...I just wish you would try"
I sigh
200 miles is to far for a man like I
despite the ability to drive or fly
I made up my mind long ago
distance is a poison
that causes all relationships
to die

Grandma's on her death bed
while father's in Dallas
burning in the heat that is
well known for Texas
I know that I can't make it
and even if I did
she wouldn't remember me
or even worse she'd think I was Jerry
but grandpa departed a few years ago
I know, I know
it's what happens when you're old
yet I still recall
when she walked me to horses
and we fed them carrots
the old house and back porch
the dog and the heavy door
bells on shelves
and how it's all gone to hell
hey Grandma
I miss you

I think we forget
that we are on one simple planet
racing through  space
just a rock
just a glorified rock

Wind swept through the courtyard
            blowing
                                   ­          dust
                            around
                         ­                                                            .
For now, dust is
                              enough

                                                                ­.

I've been walking myself all over these tracks
so I can get back
so I can get back but no one's helping me out
I put my foot down, done with this
I only have one wish

If you find me
when you get there
will you let me right back
into your life?

I've been turning my back on all of my past
to try and find myself somehow
but I can't figure it out
at all

so If you find me
when you get there
will you let me right back
into your life?

Hey Eddie,
       where are you tonight? I'm outside and my body aches. My feet are frozen too. Do you hate my cigarettes? I'm sorry I'm weak sometimes but I think you understand. I still haven't felt you, maybe once on the hill, but I live in Long Beach now. Not close to the hill or your home or our streets. Crazy huh? It's a long way from where I thought we'd end up. Do you remember how much you liked sushi? I had some today. It tasted like the river and the rope swing. I wonder if you would recognize me. I'm a mess Ed, a mess. I'm posting this on some website in hopes that it finds its way to you. I'll write it down too, then burn it over a mountain so the ashes might meet with yours. I don't know. I'm tired, so tired. Hey Eddie, where are you tonight?

You asked about the tattoo,
taken aback when it wasn't attached
to my two year, too much, relationship.
That's all I gave but you persisted
so the explanation that most people's guesses
missed it,
led to the part that no one fits in my heart,
and when they do
the same spot on my left arm will have a fresh,
brand new,
tattoo.

I fall in love
with people that fall
out of reach
my hands grasping
fighting to hold
that which can't be held
fleeting brushes of hope
that, over the years, hold
my heart down
and dry up my tears
to make those around me
nothing but ghosts
I'm caught up in
loving
I'm caught up in
loving

chairs don't get enough credit
nor do beds, who witness
ever accumulating sleep debt
we've let flying with the clouds
go from fantasy to unnoticed
head bent constantly because of phones
speaking in hushed tones to
the person on the other line
while we decline away from the public
a distructive inability to communicate
face to face
or hold conversations
completely connected, yet disconnected
is what this world has become

Tomorrow will be three weeks
since tobacco flowed past my teeth
*******, I'm stunned
although I'm now addicted to coffee