In all honesty
I forgot I had
a
               dad.

If the seed
was replanted in
the wrinkles
of these aged brains
would it grow into
a garden?

It's 2:00 AM
Smoke halos ring
my head
a split second of death
till they break with my breath.
Sleepless, dreams retreat
at the sight of me
flit in and out of the light
whispering,
"You're going to have
another one of those
nights."

I feel that there's a cage inside my being
no matter how ******* high I jump
I never reach the ceiling
turn on the daily news and all I see is killing
bullets fly from clips but there isn't really meaning
in the blood shed that's spilling ever further
I don't even want to be a ******* father
cause my kids would inherit a sub par
school system, and it'd be worse if I got a daughter
guys with sick thoughts always picking on her
what happened to good old fashioned honor?
Hell I can barely afford community college
It's not like I'm a low life, just got an empty wallet
Work a minimum wage job if thats what you want to call it
but even 9 dollars an hour doesn't count as profit
when the government turns around, grabs half a pay check and swallows it
The good get put on blast while the bad get ******* all of it.

hello shadow
oh shapeless guise
candle light
can make you dance
but when the tallow melts
and wick burns out
you drape over all
you rule
this
house

I missed you today,
on my way home from work.
The horizon was getting dark,
aside from the glow of tail lights,
and I knew that after the front door
closed behind me,
I would be alone.

I used to be golden
now I'm covered in tar
My lungs give in when
I've traveled too far
please let me shine for
just one more moment
please let the light
reach out
so I can be gorgeous
for someone who won't know me
fill up my waters
then break through my levy
my hands are shaky
nobody can steady
these legs full of jello
all I want is a
hello old friend
hello

The shades are drawn,
lights off, dark on,
projected documents fill the wall.
The staff, caught up, hinge on little things.
Big things to them
but I've checked out, far off,
wishing this time was with you,
sailing around the moon,
toasting champagne to stars,
far from the river of cars and exhaust
that I must swim
to be in your arms.

The heavens opened
wide
         and cried,
"We have abandoned you."

The ground burst
forth
         and cooed,
"We have a spot for you."

I fall in love everyday
it's staying in love
I haven't figured out yet
.
.
.

I was thinking about adding links to audio of the poems that I wrote specifically to be read allowed (Memory Loss, Made Me Dance). If any one thinks they would enjoy that let me know and I will do so!

the grass is green
where ever you give it water
I feed the pastures
ever further from my farm
so all around me
turns dusty and dry
then wonder why
my crops have withered
and I starve
tethered to an idea
what I wish was
when I should be
living with what is

My fingers brushed the remains of Castle Magner,
crumbled stone, overgrown, abandoned, wind blown.
Generation filled me through my feet that trod
on ancestral ground, swelled into my chest,
lived again in each breath.
As I left I turned to see the decaying tower through the trees,
the spirits beckoning, drawing back, whispering,
"Don't leave us,
don't leave."

A way to celebrate such extended camaraderie,
a formidable force against separation.
Change of stations brings no hesitation,
transportation advances have us prancing,
dancing across state lines, borders oceans.
The excellent chance circumstance lent us
and here we are
ready to take it
while the world drives itself
to the bitter end.

I don't know how else to say this
I've waited, I'm patient, *******.
I keep my kind heart, selfless, but helpless
and loveless.
I'm tired of sleeping alone, or even just not
having cute voice mails on my phone.
Tired of putting my neck out
and getting chopped and not bit
and I know swearing is unattractive
but **** it, this is *******.
I'm a good kid, for the most part.
Never put people in harms way
don't bash on those who aren't the same.
I love people, I love them so much,
their laughs, voices, touch
so why am I laying alone again,
what is my sin!?
What the **** did I do?
Why do I mean nothing to you,
and you,
and you.

She was one of those girls. Easy to love, bright, but when the season changed she was full of rain and overflowing gutters. I could get an umbrella, even a small boat to ride her waves, but she would always sink me. Just before I could drown in her waters she would give me CPR in the form of Spring kisses. Rays of sun shone through her eyes.
For two years I managed to survive through her storms just long enough to bask in her ever flitting warmth. Our one year anniversary threatened to rip me limb from limb, she was a tornado that day. Flowers and home made pasta blew away her storm clouds, just barely.
When two years rolled around I must have looked like a weathered sailor, knowing the exact moment to pull the sails, or when to just hang on and ride the rolling seas. So when she sat down one day and said,
“I can’t do this anymore.”
I just froze, caught completely off guard.
“I love you like…a brother.”
I started taking my ship into shore, to retire, maybe become a mountain man.
“I can’t talk to you…”
I pulled into the harbor, turned around, and set my vessel on fire. No more storms for me, no more blessed, tropical trips either. As the tip of my ship’s mast sank into the water, I let out a sigh of relief, shaved my beard, and disappeared down the coast.

I'm sorry but poetry does nothing for me. Half the time I don't read it and when I do I like less then half of what I read. I think I'm done for a bit, maybe a long while. See y'all later, hope your sad words give way to physical smiles

I don't like to mention them much
give reminiscenice to the sight
of the sharpness and leaky cuts
that decorated my thigh
a place where no eyes
could uncover the marks
no lover to question the fresh lines
while exploring in the dark
but tonight while changing
underwear
bare
I could see the fossils
the raised white skin
tear ducts perspired
realizing I'm just as tired as when
I began to make them,
those little rips in my
happiness

Dad still in his apartment
Mom in the house
changing things to make it hers
not theirs
When I feel the stairs
like they've always been
I wonder when "theirs"
turned in to his and hers
when "ours"
went out the window
was it when Dad started sleeping
in the office
or when the tree came down
or when Dad moved away?
I miss them, I miss them
not Dad or Mom
but
Dad and Mom

She stated the obvious
while I puffed on my cigarette
"You know smoking kills?"
"Yeah, want to die?"
I held out my stoge
"I like life"
"How do you know
you don't like death
if you've never tried it?"
She stayed
silent

I work next to a lake,
which spreads out from the base
of a mountain.
Everyday the stony guards
reflect off it's surface,
the trees motionless in the breezeless
landscape.
I never hear the birds,
nor the occasional fish splash,
too occupied by my dash,
the clicks, keyboards, spread sheets,
plugging away at the base of a mountain,
filling the frame
above my desk

So I know it's late but I need to vent. Sometimes getting held to higher standards kills me. It's like I'm on this pedestal and I can't breathe
I'm my mom's baby boy and my dad's therapist
I'm our friends' secret keeper
a sponge that soaks up all the stuff no one wants to remember
I'm summer and I'm winter in the thick of December
the ember in the fire and I'm burning low like I'm the fuel for peoples' furnace
and maybe I just imagine it
maybe I make it up in my head
but it feels real to me
Half of me wants to be the one people confide in and trust
but half of me wants to disappear
to just leave and join a crabbing ship
somewhere out at sea
so I can prove to myself that people will live on
that with me gone they will end up ok
maybe it sounds like I'm full of myself
or that I put too much weight on me as an anchor
but that's what I feel like
an anchor cast out into the ocean to keep everyone from drifting, safe on their ship while I
sit at the bottom
with a mouth full of sand and cold salt water seeping into my skin
Even anchors
need a break
a reprieve from their duty.
Even anchors need to surface
for a taste of
fresh
air

Sorry that I found out
the price of freedom
is always leaving first.

Vast time outside,
hours and hours running, biking, exploring,
no need for meaning to haunt me.
Where did it even come from?
It's unwanted!
Never was something I cared for,
experiencing is enough.
Then monetary things popped up,
some numerical demands
handed to me to settle those handed to them,
and maybe a little on the side
for a vacation of course.
I guess that means I'm back to work.

A soft golden tongue
flickering over oaken bark.
The leaf light patterns
playing through the trees.
A warm and gentle forest
to pause under in wonder,
then live in forever.
The depths of Mother Nature.
The jewels for the uncrowned
Queen of the World.

The slightness of soft
skin rubbing past
is in the past,
but I don't mind that.
In fact, I'm chugging along
despite the warmth of
lips being gone.
Stay strong.
That withdrawal is nothing compared
to the gut wrenching, stomach stomping
of a feeling I get when I realize
I don't feel any thing toward
anyone now,
that I
          don't
                                                      care.

Sipping coffee,
staring out the office window
at verdant trees, calm.
Children lay in the streets,
twitching from toxins
filled in their lungs.
A father clutched his two dead babies.
Humanity defeated by hatred,
or money.
Missiles launched,
tomahawks flung in the name of Democracy.
Missiles whose name is stolen,
painted over by Democracy's ****** wake.

But today, I am
sipping coffee,
staring out the office window
at verdant trees, calm.

Wrestling thoughts left this brain exhausted,
but aloe words prevented burns.
For now, checking off to-to lists
comprising domestic upkeep
and work duty
is enough that the end of the day
feels accomplished,
miniature success.
The reward?
bed

She whispered while we lay
"I don't regret anything"
which brought forth a chuckle
from my gut
"So I'm not a hated heartbreaker?"
"No...I just wish you would try"
I sigh
200 miles is to far for a man like I
despite the ability to drive or fly
I made up my mind long ago
distance is a poison
that causes all relationships
to die