I looked at my face tonight. I was so lost and miserable.
And I loved it.
My blurred eyes trying to focus on the thoughts deep inside my mind.
I don’t want that but it just has to be this way.
And I’m too much of a coward to lie. Even to myself.
Constantly tripping and trying to find a way out.
And being so beautifully sad inside, cruelly trying not to lose hope.
But the hope is gone and far, far away.
I’m trying to feel something. Something real. But maybe I feel too much at once.
Am I too fragile to feel?
They say all the truth is simple. But isn’t that a lie? Such a ******* lie!
I am forced to be honest but that honesty points me to nowhere. I’m only more and more lost.
Lost. Lonely. Disappointed. Empty. Scared.

Your heavy breath. It crumbles fragile surface of my memories.
And I don’t want to drown in it. Not again.
You used to paint my days with the smell of your hair.
Days thick as my thoughts every single night.
But the days passed away and you stayed just in my head.
Now I’m laying on the floor all alone and choking with the silence that reminds me of you.
Rain gently taps the window sill as I stare into the past.
And some day I’m gonna be younger than tonight. Some day I’m gonna be stronger.
But not now.
I wanna jump into your eyes and get wasted with your smile. And just swing on your eyelash.
Let me be a careless kid again. Just for a minute.
Cause I miss that happy tears, I miss messy sheets and the music in another room playing all night long just so we know.
Stare with me into the ceiling.
I will feel your smile behind my back.
Third time missed that light. Tonight I’m gonna leave all the white fence house plans.
Tonight I’m gonna take my life.