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I'm left here
waiting
wondering
hating
I'm suppose to be better
I'm suppose to be happy
but I'm not.

I don't blame you!
I don't blame you
I don't blame you...
Why can't you just understand, its nothing you did.
it's nothing you said.
It's nothing I can control.

They yell, they scream, they ****, they win...
They want me dead,  I can feel it in my bones
I'll lose, I'll always lose, and I'll never stop losing.
 Mar 2014 Cynthia Malta
aphrodite
I know you believe you have nothing left to lose,
but strength is still something you choose.
And if you keep medicating with your cigarettes and *****,
you'll never be able to break out of your depressive blues.

I know you believe that you were born to die,
but you'll die before your time if you let life pass you by.
It won't be easy, but you have to try
to throw away your harmful habits and wave them goodbye.

I know you believe you're broken inside,
but I promise there is still hope where the pieces lie.
Your struggle does not have to be something to hide
because there will always be people willing to stand by your side.

I know you believe in darkness,
so by default, you must believe in light.
And if you could just try get through another night,
I promise that one day, you'll be all right.
Hope you enjoy this.
**
 Mar 2014 Cynthia Malta
Emily
YOU WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE IN A HOSPITAL, YOUR SKIN WILL SMELL LIKE THE DYING AND YOUR LIPS WILL CRACK AND YOU WILL NOT FIND BEAUTY

I USED TO THINK I WOULD FIND SOLACE IN THOSE SANITIZED WHITE HALLS BUT ALL I EVER FOUND WAS MY OWN EMPTY EYES STARING BACK AT ME FROM THE UNBREAKABLE SUICIDE-PROOF MIRROR AND THERE WAS NO COMFORT IN MY BRUISED TENDER FACE

HOSPITALS ARE NO PLACE FOR YOUNG GIRLS WHO HAVE NOT YET TURNED AWAY FROM LIFE AND THEY ARE NO PLACE FOR KISSING YET YOU READ ABOUT MOUTHS FINDING EACHOTHER IN THE DARKEST HOUR AND YOU THINK OF CEMENT HOSPITAL WALLS; THERE IS NO DARKNESS IN HOSPITALS, JUST PURPLE FLUORESCENT LIGHTS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK SO PALE YOU MIGHT JUST REALIZE THE IMMINENCE OF YOUR OWN DEATH.

YOU WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE IN A HOSPITAL.
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