There was
No mercy
In your
Creation

Somewhere between
My desperation and my desire
I find you
Infiltrating my dreams
With memories
Of your deadly kisses
You always kissed to ****
And touched to burn
You spoke in order to enchant
Incantations under a full moon
I hear Death moaning
Softly in your song
She lives between your lips
And takes her throne on your tongue
DEATH
As you spoke to me
As you kissed me
As you tasted me
DEATH
Waiting for your command
**** her! **** her and sigh!
"She was always so interesting
She was always so smart
What a pity, what a shame!"
Your Death is sweet
Like strawberries and Jack
Your Death is rich
Like cranberry sauce with cinnamon
My mouth waters for yours
For your Death
Because she is life!
Your Death is life eternal!
To sleep in the mouth of God
Forever
The boy with Death in his mouth
The boy with the mouth of God
Find restful sleep in the valley
There, in the lower lip
A hushed, soft valley
In which to rest with Death
She will show me her throne
On the tip of the tongue
And slay me there
Before her honey throne
My blood will taste bitter
Dripping from your tongue
But
With all
That
Sweetness


I doubt you'll even notice

Auld Lang Syne
And Au Revoir
Don't we look
So pretty in gold?

The red exes
Of 2018
Splash across
Our calendars

We smile and laugh
And drink
And kiss
The black year goodbye

I thought
I'd be done
With the sad ****
By now

It screams and thrashes
Nocturnal, writhing
Hungry for itself
Contradictory, insane
A little death
A massive tremor
Two backs
One beast
Are you ready to fuse?

Sometimes
I sing harmony
With Patrick Stump
And pretend we're dating

Hey, V.

Okay, girl. What are we doin'?

We're waiting.

For what? Not that little blonde kid!

No, not him.

Then for what?!

Calm down. You've got me.

Yeah, I guess...



I don't like him, ya know...

I know.

He said I was beautiful-

I know.

-and then he just-

Would you shut the **** up?!

Christ, sorry!

Ugh, it's not you. It's-

Him.

Yeah.

Forget him! Let's find a hot stranger!

No.

Girl.

I know.

He doesn't want you OR me.





You just gonna ignore me now?

Tryin'.

*****, face it. He was just another excitable boy who got caught up. None of them will stay, and if they do, it won't work. Not like you want it to. I miss the old you who understood that. Why do you have to do this to me?


Whatever. I'll be here when you wake the **** up.

Yeah, I know.

At least you listened.
At least you cared.
At the
Very least,
You didn't lie to me
Again.

So, you aren't him.
So what?
I'm supposed to
Save myself, aren't I?
It could never be
Your fault,
My misery.

Mm, but how
Good of friends
Your warm arms
And my cold
Waist
Could be,
Separable
Only by necessity.

If only!
If only!
If only!
I could ever
Have been worth
The trouble...

A girl
Alone in a room
Drunk
And lonely

Watching The Lobster
Drinking raspberry Smirnoff
Feeling so forlorn

Words
Actions
Feelings
Philosophies

The pain she has caused
The lives she has
affected

They circle the drain
Like the poison drenches her liver

A slow death
A ffection
A tonement
A fire

One man to harm her,
And to scold her,
And to charm her,
And to hold her...

Given the same choice,

She'd be a finch

I'm breakin' up the band
Again
To pursue a solo career
As my own court jester

Dear River,

First of all, *******.

I found the letter you left in my car. "******* when you find this," you said.

I have a bad habit
Of falling for guys
Who SEEM different.

**** me, it looks like
You're not
A c t u a l l y
Different.

There are
Three things
Every guy
Has in common:

1. They lie
2. They cheat
3. They think they're somehow above EVERY OTHER GUY

I bet if I
Reeeeeally wanted to,
I could have your ****
And your heart
And your soul,

But your righteous
Indignation
"Protects" you.

Have fun with your good, Christian girlfriend. Have fun with your vanilla ***. Have fun with living for others.

I'll
Be
Miserable

Until I meet the next one.

And I hope you enjoy
The poetry
I write about him.

Last of all, *******.

Always,
Cydney

Speak to me
Say something
Let me breathe

But you stay
All quiet
"Unaware"

Never there
When asked for
Elusive

Little boy
Little girl
Great big world

It eats us
Spits us out
We are weak

But we look
As if we
Might be strong

Speak to me
Say something
Let me breathe

Screaming, crying,
No one cares
Fighting, kicking
No one sees
Panicking, despairing,
No one knows
Drinking, smoking,
No one joins
Waiting, watching,
No one here
Shouting, calling,
No one there
End it all,
No one could stop it

She's been a joy the entire journey."

Oh, it never takes long
That rush
Of wind from my every pore
That leaves me
breathless

He appears
He appears
HE appears
And I am d e v a s t a t e d

He says something clever
Or wry
Or bizarre
I am his

If only he would
Want me
If only he would
Make me his

This one's new
The feeling, old
Familiar
And pungent as ever

Lay your flaws at my feet,
My darling~
That I may admire them
And you...

And I am trapped
Within the clutches
Of that beast
Born of my insatiable lust

<3

Really,

Why on GOD'S GREEN EARTH
Did a:
1. Trump-supporting
2. Muslim-hating
3. Trump-supporting
Boy
Think he could get
THIS *****??

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Writing these stupid things keeps me alive,
And, ya know what? Kinda,
So do you
<3

We're all
Just finding
More clever
Ways to
**** each
Other slowly

No.

Would, coulda,
Shoulda
Spent my days
Crocheting blankets
For my cats,

But noooooo

I had to spend
All that time
Writing poetry
About you.

(>._.)></3

You are
A waste of space
Of time
Of energy

A waste of breath
A waste of Love
A waste of Fear
A waste of *****
A waste of ****
A waste of a good ******

You are a waste of me
Go away.

Affectionately called "Dog Bite"
I sit in the Valley ER for 4 1/2 hours
**** me

I wonder how much
The Bacitracin costs

I think I am
Alone, but
I'm actually
In bad company
Because my thoughts
Abide with me

Reach inside
Detoxify me
Clean out every
Part that sings
Those praises

Leach from me
Everything
And everyone
I love

I'll be
A better worker bee
A better member
Of our blessed
Society

More pretty
More silent
More compliant
Less defiant

Replace the Fire
With the Earth
And the Earth
With the Water
And I'm left with Air

Whistling through
My empty tomb
My empty womb
This empty room

Raise my arm
To the audience
Prove I'm still
Alive and
Breathing

I'll be lost
And afraid
But nobody
Will know

So...

"I don't want you to think I'm racist. I love black people! I just hate *******."
Now, you will not believe how many people have said this to my face.
That they smile, thinking themselves so eloquent and clever,
Illustrates a problem to me much larger than the hatred of a race.

My tongue stays. I wouldn't want my "angry ******" to show her teeth.
She would ask if the color or the speech or the level of poverty made the black,
Or the ****** or the ***** or the **** or monkey or beast.
She may be eloquent and clever herself, but those white ears would never hear that.

We are conditioned to be blind and deaf and loudly ignorant to reality.
The rich and powerful have made us starkly numb to our own folly and pride,
So that we may believe ourselves to be indignant most righteously,
While we unconsciously hate all that is different, opposed, other, outside.

But I will be the same human with all my eloquence and cleverness, pride and folly,
Whether I am seen as "black" or "******" or maybe simply just "Cydney"

Shove a spout in my abdomen
And I will give you
All of my syrupy sadness
All of my sugary sweetness

Dripping, slowly, s l o w l y
Onto the floor
Dark, thick maroon
For you to admire

I won't pull it out
This thing which bleeds me
This is how I prefer
To have my life end

I bleed bacon grease,
I sweat *****,
And I cry pure salt,

But you expect me
To function
Like a normal human

She'll be comin' 'round the mountain
When she ****
Too late now
She's already here

But maybe you've forgotten
How bitter she tastes
After too many
Heaping helpings

So, why does this feeling
Excite me so?
This breathlessness
That threatens me

I'm pretty sure
It's killing me
To feel
This way

I like to run my fingertips
Through the sweat
On a new lover's back

I am a child
Finger painting
In your filthy labor

Bukowski's lovers
Liked to squeeze his blackheads
And write him letters

Boys from California
Aren't afraid to moan
During a good ****

I taste the sweat
With my fingers

You did such a good job

Never too busy to think about you
Never too busy to want you
Never to busy to Jill off to your memory
But far too busy
To write poems about it

If you
Are the reward
For misbehavior,

I will scorch the earth.

We
Are
Allowed
To
Have
Flaws

"I just want to kneel at his altar every night of my life."

Nonsense!
My relationship with
My Father
Alcohol
My Mother
My husband
My Boyfriend
And Myself...

They don't really
Matter.

But ask away!

I'll answer
H O N E S T L Y

The frenzied dance
Of his eyes
His hands
His mouth
His heart
And his c o c k

Got me ****** all the way up

"Good morning," he croaked through vocal cords unused for hours.
She smiled.
"Hi," she sighed.
His smile was small, with eyes slowly blinking.

"I want a man whose hand doesn't shake when he puts it up my shirt. Y'know what I'm saying?"

- Reese Witherspoon in Four Christmases

And the flies tickle my skin
As the last glimmer of hope
Drops from a stationary eyelid

She is dead.
She is dead?
She is dead!

No one to save her
Not now
When it matters
She is dead...

Take them with you,
The parts of her
That you loved

We all just want
So badly
To be SEEN
And HEARD
And ACKNOWLEDGED
That we forget
To SEE
And HEAR
And ACKNOWLEDGE
Each other