In Order.
Everything is good.
Everything makes sense.
Everything is calm.

In Disorder.
Everything seems bad.
Everything seems to make nonsense.
Everything seems tight.

Order - Disorder.
You cannot
Have Order
Before Disorder.

Not being able to write
Work Work Work
Try to write
No

Work Work Work

So here I give you
The best poem ever

Work Work Work

Write
Oops
Forgot where it went

**** ****
Back to work

Such primitive creatures.
Frail bodies, weak.
Controlled by basic instincts, needs, wants, desires.
To achieve what?
A status?
How routinely disturbing.

Can we not find higher purposes?
Not meaning finding God, a god, religion to suffocate within.

Seems we are all running on a low level of being.
Bright shiny objects; what, wait, it sparkles.
We can look past, look into, look through these.
A higher purpose to being there must be.

Where is it?
Our purpose?
What is our purpose?

Refuse to believe the chief accomplishment is reproduction.
Despite what the mighty Bible states.
Reproducing a species, a race that has no idea,
A bad idea.

Watch all busily running about.
Jumping over each other and into each other.
An image of crazed monkeys fills in.

Shamefully those with some understanding are rarely heard or are shunned.
Heaven forbid another to think outside the proverbial box.
Unfortunate most of us will succumb to death without realizing there is an outside.
For those who do see it;
Wash those hands vigorously after you're done playing around.

There is more to being human.
It isn't hidden.
It isn't hard to obtain.
Look, open those eyes.
Listen with those ears.
Touch the differences.
It will smell clean, I assure you.
There is more to us than a slightly more intelligent Neanderthal.

I see it. Do you see it?

Everything wonderful.
Everything happening.
Warned once.
Warned twice.
Warned more?
Warned and ignored happily.
A fool.
A fool foolishly ignoring the warnings.
Closer.
Closer still.
Apart, change, distancing.
Feeling pain.
Pain in feelings.
Then wonderful picks up.
Then sudden cut off.
Hurt, ignored.
Pushed away.
Set aside.
Cast aside for another?
Perhaps, perhaps not, truthfully not known.
Warnings were given that being hurt, inevitable.
The fool, heartbroken.
Nothing matters, no one cares, ignored.
Pain equal to a will of following death.

The dead walk.
Walk in hordes and herds.
Herds of groaning masses
Masses I have avoided.

Came-to a biting.
Biting my left shin.
Shin seared in horror pain.
Pain the dead cared nor felt.

Alone I am.
Am I alone?
Alone I cleaved the dead head.
Head crumpled, bloodless.
Bloodless monsters.

Days and days pass.
Pass while pain seeps.
Seeps under dead bandages.
Bandages no longer made new.

Infection.

I found ....

Self my in closet dark.
Dark it is tonight.
To... - tonight
Tonight words hard to speak.

Thinking what?
What tonight?
Tonight, no afternoon?
Afternoon with sun?

A ramp, I drag my sleeping foot.
Foot below shin?
Shin with shoe-less foot.
Foot moves rocks and grit.

I - stopped.
Stopped by... - what?
What I speak last words.
Words sense no thoughts.

I - can't.
Can't be.
Be on, I say...
Say mumbling "dead boat."

Vagaries of emotion.
Attempted control by exhaustive thought,
Concentration.

We are to have them.
Why can we not simply turn off and on at will?
****** to obey that which is not logical.

The grand sensation of emotion.
It is all logic consuming, interrupting.
Fight it off, focused mind.
For a little while to the sensation am I blind.
Only to flight back into the commotion.

The enjoyment of eating,
Marvels of television's ability to drown problems,
Games to replace reality was all he wanted.

The young life,
Reality,
Offered everything emotionally diabolic to a growing, developing mind.

Through ridicule from elementary peers; fat, ******, stinky or stinker or something relational.
Through defensive mechanisms of accepting ridicule from family.
Through seemingly harsh reactions to a young mind’s spoken word;

A growing  trait to hide thoughts, emotions, began.

Speak and be brought into pits of embarrassment, hurt and hate?
The enjoyment of hiding, an escape.

A life sentence in confined silence -
Everything
Internalized.

Problems, actions, reactions, actions to be, thoughts and emotions occurring and to be, all internalized.
Unaware the implications were to be damaging later,
He proceeded to master the skills to hide in plain sight.

An arduous battle,
An escape from confinement to undo the silence,
Creating immunity to criticisms and differing opinions began.
Not without heightened defenses to new pressures,
Success was found.

Attempts made,
Success found,
Won battles,
The internal struggle of war with self continues at dreadful paces.
Thoughts to control past silence must always be on the offensive.
Control the defensive,
The strong silence.
Perhaps always and forever.