Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


translated by W.S. Merwin

'Place me to your skin,' Robert says
As I continue to contemplate.
'I'll give you the satisfaction
And the pleasure,
That he failed to give.'
My dear conscience begs me not to
While I asked her when I needed her, what did she do?
My heart silently weeps,
Tells me I will regret it.
Oh *******, what of it?
It's a little sting,
For an eternity of peace.
The devil of a mind that I have congratulates me.
Says that people like me deserve it,
People who are not good enough.
I am a disgrace honestly, it continues
Because if I can't be good enough for the people I love who choose to leave,
I'm not good enough for anybody at all,
Not even for my own ******* self.
I can't even prove to myself,
That further gives proof that I'm not good enough.
Gives validation
That I'm a waste of space, a failure
And an annoying piece of trash.
But I have to hide it though,
To keep what's remaining
So they don't slip away, you know.
I don't have the courage to end it all, sadly,
Til then, Robert will be my hidden company.

The organs that make me a woman
Are more important to you
Than the feelings that make me a human.
I mean that little to you.
It didn't surprise me,
Honestly,
Because I've seen worse.
But surprisingly, it didn't make me cry.
It didn't leave me weak on my knees
Like you would've expected.
Instead, it left me stronger than before.
More sure about what I have to do.
And surprisingly,
It left me at peace
Because I don't have to deal with it.
Ever again.